to request neighbour to not start their daily home improvements just as I put DD's down for their nap?

[3missys]

OK basics: we live in a quiet neighbourhood in a semi-detatched house and new neighbour moved in approx 4 months ago; middle-aged single lady seems nice enough, said hello etc and coo-ed over girls....

Last few weeks though she seems to be stripping wallpaper, banging etc - which is kind of expected when you move in to somewhere new but our walls seem to be quite thin and the bangs and scrapes are quite loud. I don't have a problem with these itermittant noises during the day BUT she (and her builders I suspect) seems to start at nap time for my 2 DD's (who are 2.2 years and 10 months) which is between 1-3pm approx. There is the odd bang here and there before and after but the majority of the noise seems to be within these times!

My eldest gets scared by these banging noises and despite my best efforts to reassure her I have had to take them both out in the car to get them to sleep and then sit in the car with them until they both wake up - just to get away from the noise. I can't change their nap times either as this is how it has been for ages.

But it's getting to the point that I am thinking why should we leave my own home?

DH said there isn't nothing we can do about it but I think I should speak with her and see if she could avoid these times possibly?

I am normally quite a reasonable person and I think I have been up till now but don't want to cause any nasty neighbourly tension!

Should I talk to her?

She probably thinks she's doing you a favour having the work done at this time. Better than early morning or late at night.

There's no harm in inviting her in for a coffee and letting her know that your dds have a nap at that time. She then has the option of changing the time.

TBH, it's v. unlikely it will stop. If you were paying a builder for a days work and he (or they) had to down tools for 2 hours paid idleness while your neighbours baby was maybe having a nap, do you think you'd agree?

I don't think you're being unreasonable but neither is your neighbour.

Could you put your baby to sleep in a room further away from the noise?

I asked my neighbours' builders if they could possibly 'keep it down' during dc's nap times...
they were very obliging

Absolutely totally unreasonable.

Sorry but you can't ask your neighbour not to decorate or do any work in her house as its your childrens nap time.

If she was doing it at 10 at night you would have reason to complain.

She wont be decorating forever she has just moved into a new house, let her get on with it.

If you live in a semi you have to live with a bit of noise.

our neighbours worked on house for months before moving in

I asked them to keep it right down between 10 and 12 (ds nap time) and they did

I don't think it is unreasonable when you are neighbours - builds up a bit of give and take for the future, doesn't it

we take parcels for them, let them park in our drive, etc. I think if possible she shouild accomodate you

Agree with louii. Sorry.

YABCU

I'd ask if you can take the toddler round to meet the builders and watch them making some noise, it might help him understand what's going on. I remember my DS worshipped our builders when he was a toddler. He thought they were his personal friends.

glad I don't live next to any of you lot

sorry but yabu, but i can understand that with los nap time disturbed you may be feeling a bit more tetchy than normal

I cant believe people have actually asked builders to keep it down as its their childrens nap times, PMSL, the world does grind to a halt when your children are having a nap.

Thanks so far for the advice. I agree with all comments really. I know I can't expect builders to down tools just for the girls nap times but at the same time she may not be aware and there may be some more quieter jobs she could be doing? I tried to think how I would be if someone asked me and I think I would quieten down but thats becaus I have children and know how grumpy they can be if they don't get there sleep whereas she hasn't got any children.

when dd2 was a month old they dug up the road outside our house

imagine my joy at the drilling and banging when my newborn had FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY shut her fecking eyes

YABU

my neighbour did a load of diy over xmas starting at 7.30 but stopping in the day then starting again at 8pm. (btw she was home all day)
Once they kept drilling until 1am. because they didnt have the kids that weekend and she wouldn't want to wake them

Now that is unreasonable Mrs Weasley

totally worth mentioning... I wouldn't neccessarily expect much, but you may find she surprises you

I have one child who needs optimal conditions of peace and darkness to sleep (because I foolishly devoted myself to making it all perfect for my PFB), and one who could sleep lying in a Tesco bag on the central reservation of the M25 (because she is a Neglected Second CHild who had to get on with it).

Learn this from my bad example: If you possibly can, it is really worth trying to help your kids learn to accept more challenging sleeping conditions - having to find perfect conditions for my dd1 is a PITA, frankly! Look on the building works as training camp for this purpose...

I think it would be unreasonable to expect her not to do it at these times but I dont think it would be unreasonable to ask her if it was possible. As long as you put it nicely and show that you'd understand if it wasnt possible then I dont see the problem.

Agree with louii too I'm afraid. Not an unreasonable time of day for builders to be working.

Chldren will sleep through all kinds of noise if they need a nap.

Yes, talk to her. Be very polite and understanding and also state your position very clearly.

There is no clear right or wrong in this situation. You have no "right" to demand that your neighbours be silent during day time hours and they have no "right" to create a disturbance in the neighbourhood.

You need, therefore, to reach a reasonable compromise that means that the lives of both families can continue agreeably.

Zazette - Yes similar children here really but not as extreme possibly.... but agree with your comments thanks.

I can't help thinking I haven't got much to loose if I ask her nicely?

I think yabu. If it was noisy at midnight, fair enough. But nap time? Good luck trying!!

I think it's totally reasonable to at least ask her whether the builders could do something a little quieter during nap time.
We had problems last summer hols with our neighbours teenager playing full set of drums in room adjoining ds's & this terrified him, thus not sleeping.
I spoke with her, nicely, & she thought it was reasonable & the drums were then only played out of 1-3pm times.
If you don't at least chat with her you'll never know whether the builders could be more accomodating ie. do something quiet between these times, & you may end up listening out for the banging & getting more preoccupied with potential noise, then end up wanting a full scale arguement with her!
You've nothing to lose just asking.........

These threads always make me so glad we don't have immediate neighbours