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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to request neighbour to not start their daily home improvements just as I put DD's down for their nap?

77 replies

3missys · 22/01/2008 13:38

OK basics: we live in a quiet neighbourhood in a semi-detatched house and new neighbour moved in approx 4 months ago; middle-aged single lady seems nice enough, said hello etc and coo-ed over girls....

Last few weeks though she seems to be stripping wallpaper, banging etc - which is kind of expected when you move in to somewhere new but our walls seem to be quite thin and the bangs and scrapes are quite loud. I don't have a problem with these itermittant noises during the day BUT she (and her builders I suspect) seems to start at nap time for my 2 DD's (who are 2.2 years and 10 months) which is between 1-3pm approx. There is the odd bang here and there before and after but the majority of the noise seems to be within these times!

My eldest gets scared by these banging noises and despite my best efforts to reassure her I have had to take them both out in the car to get them to sleep and then sit in the car with them until they both wake up - just to get away from the noise. I can't change their nap times either as this is how it has been for ages.

But it's getting to the point that I am thinking why should we leave my own home?

DH said there isn't nothing we can do about it but I think I should speak with her and see if she could avoid these times possibly?

I am normally quite a reasonable person and I think I have been up till now but don't want to cause any nasty neighbourly tension!

Should I talk to her?

OP posts:
moljam · 22/01/2008 14:03

mine does this but yabu.its day time.mine also does it 7pm onwards which is annoying!and hoovering at 6am
diy wont last forever,if your lo really cant get to nap and has to go at that time,go for drive or walk.

Original poster
3missys · 22/01/2008 14:32

Was just getting DD1 one down as she had woken up early due to drilling.... I still don't know... May just give it till the end of the week and will talk to her if still like this on Monday. Thanks for all the advice!

OP posts:
littleducks · 22/01/2008 14:43

you could mention that kids are upset and ask if they could see drilling in progress, through window whatever as i found that dd was much less scared when she saw why the noises came from neighbours, (neighbour may realise all by herself then that she is disturbing naps!)

Joash · 22/01/2008 14:46

YABU - totally

scottishmummy · 22/01/2008 14:48

sorry but yabu to request neighbour doesnt do work in their own home during day time hours.

you know what make it too serene and quiet and you are setting an unacheivable environment. they need to get used to noise. anyways at one point you too might need to do a bit of noisy work yourself

greyskythinker · 22/01/2008 14:58

I asked next door's builder what would be the best time to put kids down for a nap (not that my kids are that flexible, but so as to raise the issue whilst not actually asking him to keep it down, but also making him aware that kids would need a nap) - He was extremely obliging. However, I always try to remember that we have a long and winding road ahead. I have just had 45 minutes of toddler screaming with a tantrum, and I don't even want to think what hideous neighbours we will make when kids become teenagers. Unless you are absolutely certain that your family will be quiet as church-mice over the next decade, I would go very cautiously.

Brangelina · 22/01/2008 14:59

I don't think you're being unreasonable to ask. When we had builders in we had an agreement with them that no drilling or banging was to be carried out between 1-3pm as there are small children in the flats we live in and we preferred to get on with our neighbours rather than piss them off straight away. The builder wasn't idle, he took his lunch break at 1pm then got on with painting or something quiet until the "curfew" time was over. It's common sense imo, the lady knows there are littlies next door so shouldn't be shocked at being asked politely.

Original poster
3missys · 22/01/2008 15:02

I know it is daytime hours that is why I am finding it hard to approach neighbour but it is the fact that they only seem to make the noise during nap times - like now for instance as they are awake - complete quiteness.

I do realise that kids need to be able to sleep in noisy environments, mine do not sleep in complete quiet believe you me! - but you try sleeping next to a room with hammering and drilling in for a few days...

I am not asking her to STOP her home improvements altogether just asking her to consider times re doing her noisiest jobs.

Thanks for all the comments.

OP posts:
wb · 22/01/2008 15:12

I too think there is nothing wrong in asking if the builders could try and keep the noise down if you can take a 'no' gracefully

but, having lived 20m from a major building site (50 apartments going up) for 18 mo w. a v. young child I know that they can learn to sleep through pretty much anything if they have to.

Squiffy · 22/01/2008 15:52

I would only consider talkign to her if you are prepared to start conversation with the words "I know you will think I am mad, and I know that what I am about to say IS mad, and I perfectly understand if you are unable to do what I am about to ask, but ...." and then ask her. Otherwise she might well take the hump and that might ruin any chance of a good friendship between you.

FAQ · 22/01/2008 15:55

moljam - what's wrong with hooverig at 6am?? I am often to be found hoovering at odd times of day/night - and was even worse when I was working nights - as I was asleep during "normal" housework doing hours!

Original poster
3missys · 22/01/2008 15:55

thanks..... Yes a good start.

OP posts:
Original poster
3missys · 22/01/2008 15:57

FAQ - I am about to start nights again also (girls will be looked after by Nana and Dh at w/ends when I am asleep) but as our bedroom is in a loft conversion I am hoping noise volume will be minimum so not to bothered about me getting sleep....

OP posts:
ScoobyDoo · 22/01/2008 15:58

Totally unresonable, why should everyone elses jobs there doing in there house be dictated by you & your dd's naps?

Sorry but it won't be forever so i think you are going to have to deal with it.

I am actually quite shocked by this thread!

Original poster
3missys · 22/01/2008 16:01

Well there has been plenty of other Mums on here who have actually gone and spoke with neighbour.

The thing is I agree somewhat with the few of you who have said YABU but when you are desperatly trying to get DD's to sleep I wonder whether I should speak with her.

OP posts:
MotherFunk · 22/01/2008 16:05

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 22/01/2008 16:08

YABU.

It's during daytime hours.

It's a house, not a library.

Brangelina · 22/01/2008 16:11

I'm shocked at so many of you who think it's unreasonable for the OP to ask. I mean, if the builder is starting at 1pm what's the harm in the OP asking if the builder could possibly start a bit sooner or later so that she can get her DCs down to sleep? It's not like she's asking her neighbour to stop shagging, is it?

I'm so glad I live abroad

puffling · 22/01/2008 16:12

A child's need for sleep in the day is as important as an adults need for peace in the evening, so it's not unreasonable to at least broach the topic with the neighbour.

expatinscotland · 22/01/2008 16:12

it's not forever she's going to be redecorating, though.

Brangelina · 22/01/2008 16:13

You can never tell, she may be one of those serial DIYers and it may go on for years...

Ripeberry · 22/01/2008 16:23

When my first DD was born, my mum said never to let them have a nap in total silence.
Always have some noise, otherwise you will be tiptoeing all the time.
Your neighbours seem very considerate, doing the work between 1-3pm, maybe you should talk to them as maybe they think your DC's nap is much earlier.
At least they are not doing it after 5pm at night, like our neighbours!
AB

Blandmum · 22/01/2008 16:24

YABtotalyU

What next? Straw in the street to dampen the noise of the cars?

moljam · 22/01/2008 16:26

FAQ -i wouldnt mind the hoovering at 6am if they didnt do diy at 11pm at night.so dc get woken up early after being up late.hoovering at 6am is fine otherwise as i know some people cant do it it 'normal' times what with work etc.

FAQ · 22/01/2008 16:28

ahhh - now the DIY at 11pm is a little off - we have done a small amount of DIY late at night (in our old house) but we did warn the neighbours first and they were fine with it .

If it wasn't for the fact that it drives DH potty if I run around doing housework at 10/11/12 at night then I'd do it then all the time.......but (strangely ) when DH gets home from work between 9.30-10pm he likes to sit down and relax and not have me flitting around with hoovers/mops/dusters etc LOL.