So DM and Step Dad currently live around 1 hour away and visit often (approx 1-2 times per month) for sometimes an afternoon, or a day, occasional overnights.
They have just announced that they are moving 7 hours away. It’s a dream of theirs and I REALLY don’t begrudge them. The place looks amazing and it really is a wonderful place to be, but I am SO gutted that they won’t be around to see the kids more often and just to see them myself. They are not young, 70s, and have not thought about how they might need help in years to come.
we have 2 young DC (4&5) who are going to miss out on so much time
with their grandparents. AIBU to be absolutely gutted by this announcement
AIBU?
To be upset that DM is moving 7 hours away
Smarshian · 31/08/2022 20:20
Am I being unreasonable?
729 votes. Final results.
POLLwhatthefunkisgoingon · 07/09/2022 20:59
OP, I haven’t read every comment on this thread but I HAVE read every post of yours. I have to say, you sound incredibly selfish and entitled. You won’t be prepared to help them in later life because they won’t be around to help you now and again while your DC are small? You WON’T be visiting them when they move?
Stop being stubborn and selfish.
You need to get a grip and realise your DM has a life of her own. Let her do what makes her happy ffs
Wouldloveanother · 08/09/2022 10:20
If I had a pound for every older person who said to me that they don’t want to bother their children but have made no alternative plans whatsoever and have chosen to live somewhere with limited public transport and 45 mins and 3 buses from the nearest hospital because they ‘always wanted to live near the sea’ . What happens ; the dc end up having to come to the rescue often reluctantly but there is no alternative other than the parents sink further and further into chaos or die in squalor ( sorry to be blunt)
Absolutely this.
Its all part of this odd British mentality where elderly people want to live rurally or in their family homes which are by this time completely unsuitable for their needs, with family members/the NHS/social care picking up the pieces. They’re trying to hang on to their younger years but it actually ages them very quickly, cut off from life and physically unable to do much.
Wouldloveanother · 08/09/2022 10:20
If I had a pound for every older person who said to me that they don’t want to bother their children but have made no alternative plans whatsoever and have chosen to live somewhere with limited public transport and 45 mins and 3 buses from the nearest hospital because they ‘always wanted to live near the sea’ . What happens ; the dc end up having to come to the rescue often reluctantly but there is no alternative other than the parents sink further and further into chaos or die in squalor ( sorry to be blunt)
Absolutely this.
Its all part of this odd British mentality where elderly people want to live rurally or in their family homes which are by this time completely unsuitable for their needs, with family members/the NHS/social care picking up the pieces. They’re trying to hang on to their younger years but it actually ages them very quickly, cut off from life and physically unable to do much.
Smarshian · 31/08/2022 21:09
I think maybe I need some time to adjust to the idea, but I can’t see myself staying with them regularly whilst I am working.
I do have the benefit of WFH currently so May be able to stay with the kids during half term etc in the future. Kids are currently 4&5 so lots of years where childcare and help (the odd hour to get a haircut etc) would be useful. If they then move back in 10 years and want help themselves I may be frankly less inclined to help.
BadNomad · 02/09/2022 09:38
Because I don't think women should martyr themselves for others? Ok then.
Nw22 · 02/09/2022 08:49
@BadNomad wow you sound horrible
Fraine · 31/12/2022 15:27
And yet you’e expecting OP to martyr herself by giving up on holidays to visit her parents.
BadNomad · 02/09/2022 09:38
Because I don't think women should martyr themselves for others? Ok then.
Nw22 · 02/09/2022 08:49
@BadNomad wow you sound horrible
Aquamarine1029 · 31/08/2022 20:27
I understand but your mum has her own life and her own dreams she wants to fulfill. She can't live just for you and your kids.
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Fraine · 31/12/2022 15:27
And yet you’e expecting OP to martyr herself by giving up on holidays to visit her parents.
BadNomad · 02/09/2022 09:38
Because I don't think women should martyr themselves for others? Ok then.
Nw22 · 02/09/2022 08:49
@BadNomad wow you sound horrible
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