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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for only leaving my son the house?

443 replies

macadams · 31/08/2022 20:13

Since my ex wife and I recently got divorced I changed my will to leaving equal shares of my assets (aside from the house) to my three children instead of all to my ex. The only thing I hadn't changed in the will was to leave the house solely to my eldest son, Thomas.

After I had everything finalized I ended up sending the updated will to my ex so she could keep it for her records. She was quite upset when she read it. She says that it is unfair and that all my assets, including the house, should be split equally between all three kids in the event of my death.

My reasoning for only leaving Thomas the house is because he is actually the son I had with my late wife. The house was from her parents. Being that Thomas is the only one of my children that was also their grandchild I feel it is only right that he inherit the house.

My ex wife knew about the history of the house, but had mistakenly assumed all these years that all three children would get an equal stake in the property. I had actually told her to look through the previous will when we first got married, but apparently she only glanced at it. Obviously there was a lack of proper communication, but we cant change the past. So here we are.

Am I being unreasonable here? or is my ex wife?

OP posts:
DirectionToPerfection · 31/08/2022 22:35

But his siblings won’t go without as they’ll have money and things from their mums side.

Only if the mum has an inheritance to leave. She certainly doesn't have a house.

SunnyD44 · 31/08/2022 22:37

I personally think you are doing the right thing.
Except I wouldn't leave the will with your ex-wife for safekeeping.
If it got 'lost', intestacy rules would divide your estate three ways...
This happened to a friend of a friend.
Personally, I'd leave it with Thomas or a solicitor.

Good advice.

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/08/2022 22:38

Good thinking @TheWordWomanIsTaken

If you want to give her a copy - fine, but not the only copy.

Original poster
macadams · 31/08/2022 22:39

@EarringsandLipstick Sorry if I was unclear, but we never all lived in the house together. It felt to weird to live in the same house I shared with my late wife with my new wife. I rented out the house and since I had put it in a shared account she got half of the income from the rent. We lived together in a different house we owned. That house was sold during the divorce and we split the money that remained after the mortgage was paid. We also only lived together for 3 years.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2022 22:42

macadams · 31/08/2022 22:39

@EarringsandLipstick Sorry if I was unclear, but we never all lived in the house together. It felt to weird to live in the same house I shared with my late wife with my new wife. I rented out the house and since I had put it in a shared account she got half of the income from the rent. We lived together in a different house we owned. That house was sold during the divorce and we split the money that remained after the mortgage was paid. We also only lived together for 3 years.

That's kind of a massively pertinent point!!

That definitely changes the whole perspective.

I still would not bequeath the entirety of the property to your first DS, but would your first wife's share of the property.

It sounds like this marriage was somewhat fragile in terms of having DC, not originally living together, lack of connection with your first son. Your DC are very little - please ensure you're there for them practically and emotionally, as well as financially.

GettingItOutThere · 31/08/2022 22:43

it has nothing to do with your ex - and honestly id have put your will with a solicitor and given her a letter as to where to find a copy only.

same with your sons!

and yes i agree with you, Thomas should inherit from "your"side of the family - the house

TokenGinger · 31/08/2022 22:46

@EarringsandLipstick

You can't have done this tho - presuming you own with your DP.

You can protect your share of the property for your DC, and your partner can do the same. You cannot decide what's happening with your partner's share.

If it entirely yours & not partners, then you can do exactly as you wish.

Sorry, I can't yet quite figure out how to quote an already quoted post.

It is just mine, legally, as we're not on each other's mortgages. We'd both purchased properties before we met. He rents his out and we live in the property owned by me, and we've both set the same stipulations on both properties to protect them for our son in the event of our untimely passing x

Original poster
macadams · 31/08/2022 22:47

@DirectionToPerfection

No he met my wife when he was 16 and we got married. He is now 19 so he's known her for 3 years.

I never said I had a three year old. I have and 6 year older daughter (technically my stepdaughter) and another son that is just under two years old that my wife and I had together.

OP posts:
Dee9409 · 31/08/2022 22:48

Trust your gut, you are doing the right thing. Don’t worry about anything else.

TokenGinger · 31/08/2022 22:52

macadams · 31/08/2022 22:47

@DirectionToPerfection

No he met my wife when he was 16 and we got married. He is now 19 so he's known her for 3 years.

I never said I had a three year old. I have and 6 year older daughter (technically my stepdaughter) and another son that is just under two years old that my wife and I had together.

So the six year old isn't your biological child? But your ex-wife wants your late wife's property left for her to inherit a share of?

Absolutely not. You're doing the right thing.

oceanskye · 31/08/2022 22:54

I totally agree with you. My own sons are set to inherit one day via me, coming from my family. Nothing whatsoever to do with my husband or his side. If I died and my husband allowed what rightfully belongs to my children to be dispersed between any subsequent wife/children/stepchildren he may have, I swear I will come back from the grave and haunt him.

ManxRhyme · 31/08/2022 22:57

Your ex wife is sounding more grabby by the minute.

ManxRhyme · 31/08/2022 22:57

Same!

AnnieSaxophone · 31/08/2022 22:59

Don’t underestimate what that decision will do to the self-esteem of your other children, and the ensuing relationship between the siblings.

My view - treat all your children equally. If you don’t leave 2 any stake in this house, then make up the value using the rest of your estate. If you can’t, then don’t split them away from it in the first place.

There’s no louder shout from the grave than ‘I didn’t love you as much as your brother.’

DirectionToPerfection · 31/08/2022 23:00

macadams · 31/08/2022 22:47

@DirectionToPerfection

No he met my wife when he was 16 and we got married. He is now 19 so he's known her for 3 years.

I never said I had a three year old. I have and 6 year older daughter (technically my stepdaughter) and another son that is just under two years old that my wife and I had together.

I meant that the six year old would have been three at the time.

There's a lot of new information being dropped in here now which does change things quite a bit!

anon666 · 31/08/2022 23:02

Ouch. I think once the money has come to you, it's yours to decide what to do with.

I'd be gutted if I were your other children.

justasking111 · 31/08/2022 23:02

I wouldn't sweat it too much you may well amend your will a few times as the years pass. I wouldn't be letting the ex know that though in the future

Pava22 · 31/08/2022 23:07

I don't think you are being unreasonable in this instance. And as long as this is explained to the kids as to why then I think that its fine. The poor boy lost his mother and the house was from her parents. It's only fair. I understand your ex wife though but inheritance is always a tricky and sore spot when it comes to mixed families.

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2022 23:11

@TokenGinger

You can't quote already quoted posts on the app, only the website 🙂

That all makes sense, I understand your approaches.

Pava22 · 31/08/2022 23:11

I'm saying that as someone who has 2 half siblings with all different dads. Me and my sister won't get anything. My dad passed with nothing to leave. My grandmother is leaving her house to her other 2 sons. My mum doesn't have anything. My sisters dad has kids dotted all over so won't get anything. But my brother will get a house and a flat and his dad's business if nothing happens to any of the assets. It doesn't bother me or my sister. It's fair. We aren't his kids why would we benefit from his work or his parents. Sure it would be nice but with my mum's relationship record she then divorced him too so we rightly can't ask or suggest we are involved. I wouldn't want to either. But I'm happy for my brother that he will be financially stable in the distant future.

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2022 23:12

I have and 6 year older daughter (technically my stepdaughter)

God this gets messier.

You could have done with setting out the information a bit more clearly.

The situation with your DSD is another layer again

Fifiver · 31/08/2022 23:15

The thought of if I didxand my property went to my DHs future offspring instead of solely to my DD would upset me. My assets and life insurance is to pay for my DD not for DHs hypothetical offspring.

Cas112 · 31/08/2022 23:15

I don't think your being unreasonable

Original poster
macadams · 31/08/2022 23:17

@EarringsandLipstick I guess I didn’t think it mattered. She’s still my daughter.

OP posts:
Stripedbag101 · 31/08/2022 23:21

anon666 · 31/08/2022 23:02

Ouch. I think once the money has come to you, it's yours to decide what to do with.

I'd be gutted if I were your other children.

Really? The six year old isn’t OP’s child. OP had a brief marriage to the six year old mother. She is not related to OP anymore and was never related to his first wife or Thomas’s grandparents. Will she really be gutted if she doesn’t get a third of a house she never lived in and isn’t related to anyone who owns it?

the younger child is OP’s child. But she he get half of an inheritance which comes from his half brothers mum? Maybe he could get a quiet (half his dads share) and Thomas should get 3/4s?

but I really have no idea why the six year old is included in this. Unless op adopted her?

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