Fucking hate this term

[MolliciousIntent]

Conversation today with an acquaintance, who is a SAHP, has oddly kinda upset me. I've just gone back to work after 6m mat leave and mentioned that I'll be going into London for work now and then - she said "oh it's been ages since I went to London, but then again I am a full time mum."

I'm probably just tired and stressed, but it felt like a bit of a guy punch. I'm a full time mum too. I just work as well. I've seen SAHMs described as full time mums before, now I think about it, and it makes me feel weird.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

@Vincitveritas

Except people are very clear that a nanny/childcare worker is completely substandard.

Can't have it both ways

@Vincitveritas you accuse someone of being patronising whilst making the most patronising comment to @PeasOff...

The wages make a difference. There's working as I an activity with an outcome that requires input and there's Work for which there's some sort of financial or skills benefit and renumeration.
It's hard work cleaning the loo but I'm not going out to Work or WFH when I go and clean it. It's hard work to pull up the weeds and cook dandelion pie but again, I'm not Working when I'm doing those if it's my own home.

*Sisisisi - I totally agree that there should be structures to help women go to work who want / need to. I'm not disagreeing with you there.

It's another matter though when women are being told what they SHOULD want.

Ultimately , you can put in all the structures you want. Some women will still prefer, if given the choice, to stay with their own children in the early years.*

Yes!

Lots of women CHOOSE to give up their well paid careers to stay at home and look after their families. It's more fulfilling to them than any other job in the world!

So the only difference is that they are paid. The WORK is the same.

That is a disgusting comment.

@Vincitveritas

Tell the people who say it.

Its not my opinion.

I am intrigued by dandelion pie

MN is obsessed with jealousy. Someone disagrees with me, they're clearly jealous!! How could anyone actually believe they're entitled to different values and choices than me, must be jealous.

And why the obsession with SAHP being socially isolated, never talking to other adults, never leaving the house-soft play-Park-school run curcuit.

I'm valued by my husband, by the volunteering work I do, by myself. I look after the pre school kids all day whilst DH works, study for a degree and do two lots of volunteering. I don't need someone paying me money to know I have intrinsic value as a person, thanks.

I really wanted a glass of dandelion and burdock clearly 😂😂

Tbf I think the important word is job. There's lots of meaning of work. Point is, SAHP is not a job, even if it's hard work

Children legally cannot be employed under a certain age, students are exactly that (although some do work), rich people who don't have to work are still unemployed, people on maternity leave are employed and elderly people are retired. I'm surprised you didn't know that.

@SleepingStandingUp Some people seem to think it isn't work though - as in they're off living the life of Riley and splashing their husband's cash on long boozy lunches without a care in the world.
This lady's Facebook post sums it up nicely:

I’m a single mother of two boys, and a full time teacher of children with SEN. At no point during that time have I been a anything other than a full time mum.

But it's there in your very first sentence what you do which is 'anything other' than being a full time mum. It you met someone and they asked you what you do, you could say you were a full time mum, if you feLt that way, but I doubt you would, you'd more be telling them about your job.

It’s just a label certain parents like to give themselves to make them feel more worthy.

Doubt it is anything to do with feeling worthy. It is just a very quick way of saying what they do, because they do not have an outside job to talk about.

Nah I just said I was a SAHM for 4 years for shits and giggles 😘

@Vincitveritas

Eye rolling tripe

Children legally cannot be employed under a certain age, students are exactly that (although some do work), rich people who don't have to work are still unemployed, people on maternity leave are employed and elderly people are retired. I'm surprised you didn't know that.

Yes, those are the many reasons 'other than unemployment' that explain why some people are not in paid employment and it does include those too rich to need to work. It also includes SAHMs unless they register with the job centre.

Not being in employment means you're unemployed - you don't have to register with a job centre to make it so.

Topgub - how on earth is me describing that when I was home with three kids with two year age gaps between them over a ten year period it felt all-consuming and yes "full time" (in the sense that it was 100% my daily focus and I wasn't doing anything else) a "subtle dig" at mums who work? What are you talking about?

If you work in an office 9-6, you would describe that as "full time", I imagine? If I came by your office and worked 4-6pm and then declared that "you are not actually "full time" because look, I've also sent x,y,z emails and completed such and such tasks in the two hours I was there... therefore I do all you do in 9 hours .,,," - I would be talking nonsense, wouldn't I?

I find it amusing when people have to make such ridiculous comments 😂

@PeasOff I doubt that very much.

@Topgub Do you actually have children??

Children legally cannot be employed under a certain age, students are exactly that (although some do work), rich people who don't have to work are still unemployed, people on maternity leave are employed and elderly people are retired. I'm surprised you didn't know that.

@PeasOff that is INCORRECT. We've covered this several times before on this thread.

People are classified as unemployed if they do not have a job, have actively looked for work in the prior 4 weeks, and are currently available for work.

So people who CHOOSE not to work are not considered unemployed.

I'm surprised you didn't know that

@mnmoaner
Is looking after pets / doing the gardening / doing the cleaning etc a job too then? As if you didn't do they then someone else would need to be paid to do them?

Apart from looking after the dog; if you didn't do the other things, you wouldn't necessarily have to pay anyone, they could just remain undone. If you are working you can also do them in your spare time. Whereas looking after very young children when you're at work absolutely has to be done and, in most cases, paid for. It definitely cannot wait till your spare time.

I like the 'full time domestic duties' term, much better than full time mum or full time parent. All parents are full time mum / parent, no matter if you're providing 100% of the childcare or not

Might be OK for filling in a form, but it is hardly telling people what you do if the only reason you are not in paid employment is because you are looking after young children. It would also make you look ridiculously pompous if you came out with that in a conversation.

Doubt all you want, I couldn't GAF what some random on the Internet thinks.

Trying to insult people and questioning if they're parents because you can't debate is hilarious.

Not quite. Scroll up and have a read... or get on Google. I assume you know about that?