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Original poster

Fucking hate this term

1000 replies

MolliciousIntent · 31/08/2022 19:03

Conversation today with an acquaintance, who is a SAHP, has oddly kinda upset me. I've just gone back to work after 6m mat leave and mentioned that I'll be going into London for work now and then - she said "oh it's been ages since I went to London, but then again I am a full time mum."

I'm probably just tired and stressed, but it felt like a bit of a guy punch. I'm a full time mum too. I just work as well. I've seen SAHMs described as full time mums before, now I think about it, and it makes me feel weird.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Pixieb34 · 01/09/2022 22:55

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 01/09/2022 22:48

@Broadhillbaby · Today 20:31

Being out at work part of the time means you have more to talk about when you're home. Life only at home gets dull.

What an incredibly daft comment. Do you think stay at home mums just send their kids to nursery or school and then sit in front of the TV all day?

They have MORE to talk about than 'working women.' Because they get out a lot more, they see a lot more, they meet lots of different people, and they have lots of different hobbies and friendship circles. Not like the boring full time working mums who have nothing to talk about except WORK and what's currently in the news.

I have been a full time working mum, a part time working mum, and a stay at home mum, and whilst the part time working mum role was OK, the 'stay at home mum' role was the best, most interesting, and rewarding of them all. I had lots of time to myself for hobbies and friends and extended family, and time to do housework and shopping, and had time to go on day trips and do loads of fun things with my daughter when she was off school.

Being stuck at work all day while someone else raises your kids? WTAF is the point in that? What actual pleasure are you getting out of your children? Or your life? Even my DD said (when she was much younger and at school,) that she feels sorry for the kids who have both parents at work all day, and she LOVED me being there for her, at home.

Being a mum whilst working full time is fucking shit.

And this is utter shit….🤣🤣

TartanGirl1 · 01/09/2022 22:55

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 01/09/2022 22:48

@Broadhillbaby · Today 20:31

Being out at work part of the time means you have more to talk about when you're home. Life only at home gets dull.

What an incredibly daft comment. Do you think stay at home mums just send their kids to nursery or school and then sit in front of the TV all day?

They have MORE to talk about than 'working women.' Because they get out a lot more, they see a lot more, they meet lots of different people, and they have lots of different hobbies and friendship circles. Not like the boring full time working mums who have nothing to talk about except WORK and what's currently in the news.

I have been a full time working mum, a part time working mum, and a stay at home mum, and whilst the part time working mum role was OK, the 'stay at home mum' role was the best, most interesting, and rewarding of them all. I had lots of time to myself for hobbies and friends and extended family, and time to do housework and shopping, and had time to go on day trips and do loads of fun things with my daughter when she was off school.

Being stuck at work all day while someone else raises your kids? WTAF is the point in that? What actual pleasure are you getting out of your children? Or your life? Even my DD said (when she was much younger and at school,) that she feels sorry for the kids who have both parents at work all day, and she LOVED me being there for her, at home.

Being a mum whilst working full time is fucking shit.

Oh we definitely have SAHM bingo here...

You really let your true feelings show there now didn't you 😂

Ilikepinacoladass · 01/09/2022 22:55

@mnmoaner
Is looking after pets / doing the gardening / doing the cleaning etc a job too then? As if you didn't do they then someone else would need to be paid to do them?

I like the 'full time domestic duties' term, much better than full time mum or full time parent. All parents are full time mum / parent, no matter if you're providing 100% of the childcare or not

Topgub · 01/09/2022 22:56

Whats the bets the oh just support each others choices, don't be mean to sahms, I'm just calling out shitty attitudes leave that one hanging eh?

🤣

mnmoaner · 01/09/2022 22:57

Er yes, as I said, I''m a SAHM.
Call me unemployed if it makes you feel happier. I plan to be long-term unemployed in fact.

PeasOff · 01/09/2022 22:58

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 01/09/2022 22:48

@Broadhillbaby · Today 20:31

Being out at work part of the time means you have more to talk about when you're home. Life only at home gets dull.

What an incredibly daft comment. Do you think stay at home mums just send their kids to nursery or school and then sit in front of the TV all day?

They have MORE to talk about than 'working women.' Because they get out a lot more, they see a lot more, they meet lots of different people, and they have lots of different hobbies and friendship circles. Not like the boring full time working mums who have nothing to talk about except WORK and what's currently in the news.

I have been a full time working mum, a part time working mum, and a stay at home mum, and whilst the part time working mum role was OK, the 'stay at home mum' role was the best, most interesting, and rewarding of them all. I had lots of time to myself for hobbies and friends and extended family, and time to do housework and shopping, and had time to go on day trips and do loads of fun things with my daughter when she was off school.

Being stuck at work all day while someone else raises your kids? WTAF is the point in that? What actual pleasure are you getting out of your children? Or your life? Even my DD said (when she was much younger and at school,) that she feels sorry for the kids who have both parents at work all day, and she LOVED me being there for her, at home.

Being a mum whilst working full time is fucking shit.

Why do working mums even decide to have kids eh?! 🙄🤣

Touchy subject I take it!

Somethingsnappy · 01/09/2022 23:00

Topgub · 01/09/2022 22:54

@Somethingsnappy

Yes, I'm a feminist.

Its not a dirty word you know.

Women aren't entirely to blame, men are to blame too.

But women can't absolve themselves of any blame

Macro v micro

It's certainly not a dirty word. I'm behind you there, definitely. But in my opinion, feminism doesn't include calling other women's choices 'harmful'. You could use your passion much more wisely, and as I mentioned, start looking in the right direction for blame.

PeasOff · 01/09/2022 23:02

Somethingsnappy · 01/09/2022 23:00

It's certainly not a dirty word. I'm behind you there, definitely. But in my opinion, feminism doesn't include calling other women's choices 'harmful'. You could use your passion much more wisely, and as I mentioned, start looking in the right direction for blame.

Show quote history

Feminism doesn't mean supporting the choices other women make all of the time though. Some of the choices women make are harmful/contribute towards inequality.

mnmoaner · 01/09/2022 23:03

"Is looking after pets / doing the gardening / doing the cleaning etc a job too then? As if you didn't do they then someone else would need to be paid to do them?"

Yes of course.

I do employ a gardener, precisely because I don't want to do that 'job.' I also employ a cleaner so that I don't have to do as much of that 'job'. When we are away, we have to employees live-in pet sitters.

Topgub · 01/09/2022 23:06

@Somethingsnappy

oh well

we clearly disagree on feminism

Choice feminism can get tae fuck

mnmoaner · 01/09/2022 23:07

Yawn yawn yawn

eastegg · 01/09/2022 23:12

Topgub · 01/09/2022 22:51

@eastegg

Meh.

Call out everyone else's while you're at it

Saying I can do one suggests you're annoyed.

Its a bit odd even more odd to deny it.

Thought you were talking about being upset or offended by your comments about the topic. Sure, as I’ve said explicitly, people putting words in my mouth boils my piss. I make no bones about that.

Somethingsnappy · 01/09/2022 23:13

PeasOff · 01/09/2022 23:02

Feminism doesn't mean supporting the choices other women make all of the time though. Some of the choices women make are harmful/contribute towards inequality.

Show quote history

And is that your opinion of SAHPs?

Topgub · 01/09/2022 23:15

@eastegg

Folk normally wait for something to actually happen before boiling their piss

Almost as irritating as faux outrage

eastegg · 01/09/2022 23:18

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 01/09/2022 22:48

@Broadhillbaby · Today 20:31

Being out at work part of the time means you have more to talk about when you're home. Life only at home gets dull.

What an incredibly daft comment. Do you think stay at home mums just send their kids to nursery or school and then sit in front of the TV all day?

They have MORE to talk about than 'working women.' Because they get out a lot more, they see a lot more, they meet lots of different people, and they have lots of different hobbies and friendship circles. Not like the boring full time working mums who have nothing to talk about except WORK and what's currently in the news.

I have been a full time working mum, a part time working mum, and a stay at home mum, and whilst the part time working mum role was OK, the 'stay at home mum' role was the best, most interesting, and rewarding of them all. I had lots of time to myself for hobbies and friends and extended family, and time to do housework and shopping, and had time to go on day trips and do loads of fun things with my daughter when she was off school.

Being stuck at work all day while someone else raises your kids? WTAF is the point in that? What actual pleasure are you getting out of your children? Or your life? Even my DD said (when she was much younger and at school,) that she feels sorry for the kids who have both parents at work all day, and she LOVED me being there for her, at home.

Being a mum whilst working full time is fucking shit.

What’s the point? How unbelievably tone deaf. How about paying bills? There’s enough inflammatory bollocks on this thread, but here’s some more.

MsTSwift · 01/09/2022 23:21

Some of us left big jobs to sahm because… we wanted to! Not due to some evil patriarchal plot! Why act like that’s a bad thing! Happiest 6 years of my life. Soooo glad I did it especially now mine teens and doing their own thing. Should I have kept on at a corporate miserable job with crazy long hours and missed out on that to get pats on the head from bossy feminists?! I think not!

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/09/2022 23:23

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps

Congratulations on winning this year’s working mum bashing bingo. Amid very stiff competition this is perhaps the best example of cliché ridden, illogical and bigoted nonsense I have read this year.

To win the platinum prize though you could have thrown in the immortal “I didn’t have children just to farm them out to childcare.”

Better luck next year.

eastegg · 01/09/2022 23:25

Don’t forget everybody, you need to deduct the time spent making bitchy comments on the internet to other women, so none of us is actually doing anything full time 😊.

Night night, enjoy the thread

mnmoaner · 01/09/2022 23:26

As a SAHM, I don't think it's at all fair or reasonable to berate mums who have to / want to work. It's distasteful when you know full well
that most women have no choice because the reality is, most families in the U.K. need dual incomes in this day and age. And even if women work because they want to (rather than need to) - that's up to them. Not everyone is cut out to be a SAHM, just as not everyone is cut it to be a lawyer or a retail assistant or a ballerina. Do what you feel you need to do.

TartanGirl1 · 01/09/2022 23:27

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/09/2022 23:23

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps

Congratulations on winning this year’s working mum bashing bingo. Amid very stiff competition this is perhaps the best example of cliché ridden, illogical and bigoted nonsense I have read this year.

To win the platinum prize though you could have thrown in the immortal “I didn’t have children just to farm them out to childcare.”

Better luck next year.

You missed the you are a jealous card...

Almost a full house though!

Topgub · 01/09/2022 23:28

@mnmoaner

Not everyone thinks being a sahm is the ideal we should all wish we were achieving

@MsTSwift

No one is telling you to do anything

mnmoaner · 01/09/2022 23:30

Topgub - that doesn't matter.

PeasOff · 01/09/2022 23:33

Somethingsnappy · 01/09/2022 23:13

And is that your opinion of SAHPs?

Show quote history

That being a SAHM contributes towards inequality? Yes, it does.

Topgub · 01/09/2022 23:34

@mnmoaner

Yeah it does.

The options aren't wishes they were a sahm or isn't cut out to be a sahm.

There's also don't want to be a sahm because it's not the ideal.

mnmoaner · 01/09/2022 23:38

Is there an 'ideal' then TopGub?

Please describe your vision of an "ideal" society.

Let me guess - is it along the lines of .... everyone (male and female) works the same "full time" hours. Everyone is paid the same. Everyone is therefore "equal". Children are "in childcare" from 8-6.

Whooop-de-do.

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