Fucking hate this term

[MolliciousIntent]

Conversation today with an acquaintance, who is a SAHP, has oddly kinda upset me. I've just gone back to work after 6m mat leave and mentioned that I'll be going into London for work now and then - she said "oh it's been ages since I went to London, but then again I am a full time mum."

I'm probably just tired and stressed, but it felt like a bit of a guy punch. I'm a full time mum too. I just work as well. I've seen SAHMs described as full time mums before, now I think about it, and it makes me feel weird.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

We are still parenting when not with it children,
plus How do we know she is caring full time? I feel certainly I am parenting full time.
i work from home 3 days a week with my daughter in the house. I parent her whilst I am there, I then spend 2 days a week working on a postnatal hospital ward where I support other mums and care for other babies
I get up at 4 am to make a day of snacks for my daughter and to line up activities

im deffo full time

Ah, you’re asking for quotes. I asked you for quotes upthread when you tried to put words in my mouth. Funnily enough you ignored that particular part of my post.

I can answer you though, with the very thing I took issue on above. You said SAHMS should be referred to as unemployed. And don’t insult our intelligence by saying that’s not bashing them. In fact it’s incredible that you’re being so brazen as to claim you haven’t bashed them. Do you think we’re all thick or something?

Bbq1 - again I agree that earning money is parenting because children need money!

If I say, someone is not a full time mum, it's not a value judgement in any way.

But, it stands to reason that if you are working in a paid job, even if you work from home, your main focus cannot be your kids in those hours. Your kids are not your primary active focus in that time. it's totally different to being a SAHM when the primary focus and structure of every day is built around the kids without the distraction or competing demands of a paid role on any given day.

Obviously, if you are with your kids as your primary focus, it will feel full time to you because this is simply what you do, day in day out.

I definitely do a lot of parenting when my children are not with me. Planning schedules, shopping for their clothes, batch cooking, maintaining their home, arranging activities and play dates, earning money to support them. These things are all part of parenting. Looking after a child in the moment is not the only aspect of parenting there is, in fact that's pretty much the only aspect you can farm out to outside help.

@FlaptainCubby

I was not abusive to anyone on any thread.

So that's bullshit.

Its been repeatedly said on this thread that what people say about themselves is no reflection on others. My choice not to be a sahm is not bashing sahms personally.

Nor are factual comments about how the choice is funded

I've never said sahims shouldn't be valued.

I dont think its a great choice but being so offended by that you have to join every thread just to have a go at me and make stuff up just to prove your invalid point really isn't normal.

Any thread posted on a public forum can be anyone's business.

If you don't like my opinion that's tough for you. I'm not going to stop commenting on threads I like discussing because you and others can't cope with views you don't like.

The fact you try to get a rise by claiming I must be jealous says it all really.

Quite what I'm supposed to be jealous of is anyone's guess

Guess it's easier to say I'm jealous than to actually debate the points huh.

Just a more boring one according to you 🙄

@eastegg did @Topgub say SAHMS should be described as unemployed or suggest it as a description in response to a question?

Different meanings if you twist a comment...

Exactly what they did to me. If there’s one thing absolutely guaranteed, to use an MN term, to boil my piss, it’s someone trying to put words in my mouth. My profession involves basically talking for a living. I know what I want to say and why I’m saying it. People like Topgub can do one.

And, like it or not, stay at home parents are unemployed, in the literal sense. It might not be a word they would chose to use, because it carries a judgement of value, but if you are talking about the accurate use of the word.

@eastegg

I didnt ignore it. I said it was a general comment. Which you acknowledged.

If you actually feel I'm bashing sahms by answering what should they call themselves, with unemployed? Then I suggest you get a bit of a thicker armour for your white knighting

I can see that more than a few are determined to be offended (while keenly ignoring the bashing wms are getting as per) so yeah, crack on.

I dont particularly care if you're offended or upset by my posts

@TartanGirl1

Indeed

Yet apparently I'm the one putting words in mouths resulting in mortal offense and rage

Standard response

I'm a SAHP to three kids. When I went on holiday and left with with their Dad for four days did I become a full time Mom or an absent Mom?

Stay at home parents do not meet the official definition of unemployed.

Census returns used to say "full time domestic duties".That is a better description than full time parent.

I have this comment before and if it was a dig then it’s shortsighted. Why burn bridges nobody knows what’s round the corner. What if they have a change of heart or are forced to go back for any number of unknowns. Please be nice to parents who wish / have to go back. Whilst SAHP’s contribute time and energy in volunteering, reading and chaperoning, the fundraising dropping off a child because someone’s boss is a dick, and countless other meaningful ways you go above and beyond your own family needs.

The workers meanwhile , especially women are being seen and succeeding in the workplace , making opportunities and pushing boundaries for gender equality, part time positions without penalty, writing diversity and inclusion policy’s. Giving talks in schools about their jobs or supporting young people in apprenticeships. Getting a child a decent work experience slot because you can help a fellow parent and inspire the next generation. Buying the fucking expensive cupcakes and all the toot at the Christmas fair. Even though some of us despite working still might not be able to afford it. Paving the way so when SAHP’s are ready to or forced to go back, they can have opportunities in the workplace.- We are suppposed to support each other’s choices it’s not a competition. 12 years on from my choice to return to work I am the one hiring SAHP’s and not being biased about their choices - they supported my choice however indirectly so I am supporting them now to get back on the ladder - life’s bloody hard people just be fucking nice.

Being a STAY AT HOME parent is not a career 🙄 and I say that as one. It might be a vocation to some, it's a necessity to others. It is of course as valuable a contribution as working is in different ways.

Why do people get so hung up on terminology though? There really is no need. It's obvious what people mean.

For instance, I am a SAHM. I would probably not say I'm a full-time mum at this time because sometimes my kids are at school now. But equally, if someone referred to me as a full time mum, I would know they just mean I don't work in the paid sense because of the kids. What is the issue?

Similarly, I couldn't care less if someone wanted to describe me as unemployed. I know what they mean. It doesn't matter. If they want to call me a housewife or a homemaker - I couldn't care less really.

And of course I don't say being a SAHM is a career. It's obviously a job (as in, a job of work and if I wasn't doing it, someone else would need to be paid to do it). But it's not a paid job, for me. Duh!

Although in a way, our family finances are better as a result if me not working so in my case, my SAHM role has actually 'made us money' overall.

i remember when people started saying "full time mum", I felt it could be seen as being disparaging... as in "I am only a full time mum", and nothing else, I remember thinking that it was a shame, because every "mum" is more than a mum, for a hundred different reasons, and a hundred different ways. As for people talking about who pays for it, that argument doesn't hold much water for me. I know people who are independently wealthy and never have to work again, funding their own lifestyle from savings/inheritances. Are they reliant on others? No they are not. Are they full time mums if they don't work outside the house? I don't know I will have to ask them. I certainly wouldn't ask anyone else what they are.

How about we all just choose whatever the we want to name ourselves, and let others do the same. How about we stop having stupid mindless threads set up as an opportunity to criticise and disparage? No? I didn't think so. Carry on.

Don’t feel the need for thicker armour thanks. Don’t feel upset or offended. Just calling out a shitty attitude towards SAHMs.

@Broadhillbaby · Today 20:31

Being out at work part of the time means you have more to talk about when you're home. Life only at home gets dull.

What an incredibly daft comment. Do you think stay at home mums just send their kids to nursery or school and then sit in front of the TV all day?

They have MORE to talk about than 'working women.' Because they get out a lot more, they see a lot more, they meet lots of different people, and they have lots of different hobbies and friendship circles. Not like the boring full time working mums who have nothing to talk about except WORK and what's currently in the news.

I have been a full time working mum, a part time working mum, and a stay at home mum, and whilst the part time working mum role was OK, the 'stay at home mum' role was the best, most interesting, and rewarding of them all. I had lots of time to myself for hobbies and friends and extended family, and time to do housework and shopping, and had time to go on day trips and do loads of fun things with my daughter when she was off school.

Being stuck at work all day while someone else raises your kids? WTAF is the point in that? What actual pleasure are you getting out of your children? Or your life? Even my DD said (when she was much younger and at school,) that she feels sorry for the kids who have both parents at work all day, and she LOVED me being there for her, at home.

Being a mum whilst working full time is fucking shit.

@eastegg

Meh.

Call out everyone else's while you're at it

Saying I can do one suggests you're annoyed.

Its a bit odd even more odd to deny it.

I’m a single mother of two boys, and a full time teacher of children with SEN. At no point during that time have I been a anything other than a full time mum. It’s just a label certain parents like to give themselves to make them feel more worthy…when in fact it implies the exact opposite. My boys who are now 18 and 15 are amazing people and I believe, much much better off as people for knowing real life, not just the middle class ideal they would’ve had if I’d stayed married to their dad

@Topgub. You talk about the impact of parenting choices on gender politics. Are you a feminist I wonder? Because if you are, you are going about it the wrong way. You are blaming the wrong people. Why should you choose to blame other women making choices that work for them, for any inequalities in the workplace? That is the antithesis of feminism, in my opinion. If you want to blame someone, then start looking in the right direction.

Calling a SAHM unemployed isn't shitty - it's factual as... they're not employed!

I find it absolutely laughable that someone thinks full time workers have no time to do anything and just talk about work.
😂😂😂

@Somethingsnappy

Yes, I'm a feminist.

Its not a dirty word you know.

Women aren't entirely to blame, men are to blame too.

But women can't absolve themselves of any blame

Macro v micro