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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fucking hate this term

1000 replies

MolliciousIntent · 31/08/2022 19:03

Conversation today with an acquaintance, who is a SAHP, has oddly kinda upset me. I've just gone back to work after 6m mat leave and mentioned that I'll be going into London for work now and then - she said "oh it's been ages since I went to London, but then again I am a full time mum."

I'm probably just tired and stressed, but it felt like a bit of a guy punch. I'm a full time mum too. I just work as well. I've seen SAHMs described as full time mums before, now I think about it, and it makes me feel weird.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Zilla1 · 01/09/2022 19:31

NHRTT but when her child starts nursery or school, will she be a part-time mum? Perhaps ask her how she's enjoying being a part-time mum then and she what she says.

PattyChipspice · 01/09/2022 19:32

I think that all parents are full time parents but the truth of the matter is if someone says they are a full time parent it's assumed that they are a SAHP and aren't employed elsewhere, nobody thinks well all parents are parents full time so maybe this person is also a dentist, a traffic warden or a food critic.

loveyours · 01/09/2022 19:33

Zilla1 · 01/09/2022 19:31

NHRTT but when her child starts nursery or school, will she be a part-time mum? Perhaps ask her how she's enjoying being a part-time mum then and she what she says.

She'd probably look at you sideways wondering wtf your problem is. Full time mum is used interchangeably with SAHM, how can anyone be so precious about this.

I'm more than happy to be called a part time mum, because I want to work and I'm happy with my choice

nopuppiesallowed · 01/09/2022 19:57

Emanresu9 · 31/08/2022 19:06

yabu. She is parenting full time. You are not parenting full time. You have a job. You are only with the child parenting some of the time.

I mean, it’s accurate. I don’t have an opinion on which is better or worse they’re just different choices but she IS a full time mother/parent and whilst you’re still a mother you aren’t doing solely that, full time.

This. You are a mother wherever you are and whatever you are doing but you are not doing full time mothering because you can't be in 2 places at once. You can't be making decisions in your office or work place while giving your child a cuddle and making a decision as to whether to stick a plaster on a grazed knee. This is just a fact. It is not judgemental. I was able to choose to be a SAH mum but wouldn't necessarily make the same choice now and if I had been in a different situation I may have made a different decision anyway

Bleachmycloths · 01/09/2022 20:06

She probably just meant “ At home full time”. Or it was her way of saying SAHM.
Did she say it in a smug way? Maybe that’s what irritated you?

diddl · 01/09/2022 20:09

buzzbuzzybuzz · 31/08/2022 19:21

And why can't she go into London anyway?! Bizzare.

That's what I took from this also!

diddl · 01/09/2022 20:11

Bleachmycloths · 01/09/2022 20:06

She probably just meant “ At home full time”. Or it was her way of saying SAHM.
Did she say it in a smug way? Maybe that’s what irritated you?

I agree that the way she said it might make a difference

diddl · 01/09/2022 20:13

When I was still at home with my PFB a friend of my husband's referred to me as a "kept woman"🙄

TowerRavenSeven · 01/09/2022 20:18

I don’t even think she was talking about being a ‘full time mum’. I think it was a clumsy way to say, “you work so it makes sense you’d be going to London periodically; I don’t work so I wouldn’t be going to London as there is no reason for me to”

Blueink · 01/09/2022 20:24

Yes, it seems at best she misspoke. Of course you are a parent full time, regardless of being an employee. Children can be with their other parent, grandparent, in nursery at school or (older children) home by themselves. You don't stop being their Mum.

Broadhillbaby · 01/09/2022 20:31

Being out at work part of the time means you have more to talk about when you're home. Life only at home gets dull, she is not a BETTER Mum and that's what really matters.

Tandora · 01/09/2022 20:34

Emanresu9 · 31/08/2022 19:06

yabu. She is parenting full time. You are not parenting full time. You have a job. You are only with the child parenting some of the time.

I mean, it’s accurate. I don’t have an opinion on which is better or worse they’re just different choices but she IS a full time mother/parent and whilst you’re still a mother you aren’t doing solely that, full time.

Don’t be ridiculous. Working mums don’t stop being mums when they go to work. Do SAHM’s stop being mums when their children are at school? P

Topgub · 01/09/2022 20:35

@FlaptainCubby

Oh and surprise surprise here are the usual crew of people who can't cope with a different opinion and have to get personal on every thread

🙄

Quote where I have said I hate sahms or bashed them personally.

Lndnmummy · 01/09/2022 20:36

Emanresu9 · 31/08/2022 19:06

yabu. She is parenting full time. You are not parenting full time. You have a job. You are only with the child parenting some of the time.

I mean, it’s accurate. I don’t have an opinion on which is better or worse they’re just different choices but she IS a full time mother/parent and whilst you’re still a mother you aren’t doing solely that, full time.

Rubbish. Its not accurate in the slightest. You are a stay at home mum or a working mum. But you are sure as hell a fulltime mum whether you work or not.

nannykatherine · 01/09/2022 20:38

You have sub contracted out your children to a nanny an nursery or a school for certain time periods so yes
part time is accurate description..

Jutformum · 01/09/2022 20:38

NewDiary · 31/08/2022 19:10

You’re a mum all the time but you’re not parenting all the time. It feels a bit as if you’re looking for something to be offended by- like a SAHM objecting to the term “working mum” because it implies SAHMs just sit around all day. Life’s hard enough without putting the worst possible spin on everything.

So by extension, when children start school all mothers become part time mums because children are in the care of teachers?

Topgub · 01/09/2022 20:43

@nannykatherine

We didn't 'sub contract' anything

Sending kids to school isn't subcontracting parenting

🙄

FlaptainCubby · 01/09/2022 20:44

Topgub · 01/09/2022 20:35

@FlaptainCubby

Oh and surprise surprise here are the usual crew of people who can't cope with a different opinion and have to get personal on every thread

🙄

Quote where I have said I hate sahms or bashed them personally.

On the multiple threads you turn up on, criticise SAHP and go on about how you would NEVER do this and so on.

It’s not a difference of opinion, you speak very disparagingly about SAHP. You come across as jealous.

TheodoraPlumptre · 01/09/2022 20:46

This old debate.

OP, you were being over-sensitive. I also doubt that the other mum's comment was in any way an attempt to defend her choice. People make the decisions that are best for their own families, and they can give it whatever label they like.

It's a complete non-issue and not deserving of any headspace at all.

RockyReef · 01/09/2022 20:46

Emanresu9 · 31/08/2022 19:06

yabu. She is parenting full time. You are not parenting full time. You have a job. You are only with the child parenting some of the time.

I mean, it’s accurate. I don’t have an opinion on which is better or worse they’re just different choices but she IS a full time mother/parent and whilst you’re still a mother you aren’t doing solely that, full time.

Ha, this made me laugh. I am still a mother (full time no less) even when I am at work. I don't stop being a mother to my children during my working hours so I too am a "full time mum" 🙄🙄🙄 To the original poster - I imagine your friend didn't really mean it how it came across, she meant she was being a SAHM so doing all her own childcare which is entirely different. Being a mum is SO much more than just a measure of your presence.

Fluff3 · 01/09/2022 20:49

Your a full time mum if you work or dont work. Dont let people tell you otherwise. I work, I have 3 kids, when I am at work I dont stop being mum. My kids are always texting me with things,' I dont turn around and say "sorry kids im at work im not mum at the moment". Women who call themselves "fulltime mums" are trying to justify themselves to others. Just ignore this ignorant woman, she clearly has no idea how hard being a working mum is and thinks we have it easy. How little does she know.

Blueink · 01/09/2022 20:51

Subcontracted out children? Ha ha, hilarious. Unless a lone parent who never is away from their child for 18 years, that'll be most people subcontracting out their children then.

Topgub · 01/09/2022 20:54

@FlaptainCubby

No I don't.

But you keep telling yourself that.

Saying I wouldnt be a sahm is in no way saying I hate them or bashing them.

Morgysmum · 01/09/2022 20:57

I it's a giant pain, other woman, should have each others back. It's nice she can afford to stay at home. But not everyone can, my mum was a farmers wife and had to go out to work full time, as the farm wasn't leaving making them much money. I work part-time. Which is a bone of contention to my partner. When I say, to him can you help a bit more with the house work. He moans, but you only work part time. Yes I do, but I still have all the house work to do and make sure our son is doing his homework, run him to appointments etc. It's frustrating that he thinks, that full time, means he doesn't get to lift a finger.
When we moved to Sheffield, I was out of work for a year and a half. With my son for a good chunk of time, so stay at home mum, I was so miserable, I was so happy when I got my son into nursery. She might be a bit jealous of you going into London.

DreamToNightmare · 01/09/2022 21:00

nopuppiesallowed · 01/09/2022 19:57

This. You are a mother wherever you are and whatever you are doing but you are not doing full time mothering because you can't be in 2 places at once. You can't be making decisions in your office or work place while giving your child a cuddle and making a decision as to whether to stick a plaster on a grazed knee. This is just a fact. It is not judgemental. I was able to choose to be a SAH mum but wouldn't necessarily make the same choice now and if I had been in a different situation I may have made a different decision anyway

Show quote history

So imagine a SAHM left her child with a grandparent for an hour and in that time the child grazed its knee and the grandparent made the decision to put a plaster on it, does that now mean the SAHM is no longer a full time mum? After all, if you aren’t with your child 24/7 and carrying out all the parenting then you are a part time mum according to MN….

Or is going out with friends for a few hours absolutely fine when it comes to meeting the criteria of a “full time mum” but mothers who go to work aren’t afforded the same title?

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