Fucking hate this term

[MolliciousIntent]

Conversation today with an acquaintance, who is a SAHP, has oddly kinda upset me. I've just gone back to work after 6m mat leave and mentioned that I'll be going into London for work now and then - she said "oh it's been ages since I went to London, but then again I am a full time mum."

I'm probably just tired and stressed, but it felt like a bit of a guy punch. I'm a full time mum too. I just work as well. I've seen SAHMs described as full time mums before, now I think about it, and it makes me feel weird.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

The phrase "full time Mum" is just stupid. "I work" or "I don't work" seems to suffice for all the people around where I live!

I can see why you’d be sensitive about it but as a general rule it’s the SAHP that are given more grief.

She is a full time mum all day - obviously you are not doing the mum duties when your child is at nursery as the adults there are doing them. You are still the mum but you are doing other work.

What phrasing would be better do you think?

Seems like a stupid bloody thing to get annoyed about to me. And yes I work.

My initial thought.was this was more a reflection of how she feels - possibly herself feeling conscious how SAHP are perceived by those who juggle both that and work. If it was a dig - which I'm not sure about as wasn't there- then even that is again a reflection of her own feelings about herself and some insecurity or feeling that SAHP are less than those who work too.

Basically,.it's not about you. x

This thread is full of women sayng only sahms raise/shape/rear their kids. Full of them saying how important and valuable a job it is

How is that respecting the working mums choice?

The thread seems to be full of WOHM who are to use your phrase from other threads on the topic whining that SAHM say this, SAHM say that, when none of the SAHM on this particular thread are saying anything of the sort.

YANBU to feel offended OP, this topic is also controversial.

It’s like how people claim they work full time when they work 40 hours…..they aren’t at work 24 hours a day, seven days a week, but they are still classed as full time.

So surely “mumming” for that equivalent time period in the week makes someone a full time parent even if they aren’t with their child 24/7?

And as other poster have said, what do SAHPs become when their child starts nursery or school? They aren’t full time with their child then so they can’t class themselves as a full time parent can they?!

Agree. It's an inaccurate term. Everyone is a full-time parent unless they live with their child part-time. A more accurate response from the women should have been she couldn't go to London because she doesn't work.

I'd have taken it as that she has no childcare options so popping to London is difficult.

I'm a working mum but even when they are teens you still have the mental load of being a mum if you're physically with or not.

As a “SAHP” (whatever that is, spend 50% of my life driving around 😆) I can tell you now that, that term irks me too and I think all mums and dad are full time. You parent full time too…the work doesn’t stop just because you’re away from your children, wherever they may be. The thing is, we all feel judged in one way or another. Not like you’re going in to London for the laughs is it, you’re working and it’s stressful and your family will always be on your mind and what you have to do once home.

I genuinely don’t think that person meant to upset you, and if I had said something like this to someone, it would 100% be a reflection of my choices affecting me as a person. I can’t wait to go back to work for a different environment if nothing else, not because I think it’ll be ‘easier’. (2 of 3 of my children have SN’s)

No jobs are easy and we all have different life’s and pressures. You know you’re a great mum and human being and you’re doing that job, wherever you are.

I don't see what's wrong with calling a parent who does not work unemployed. I didn't work when DC were under 5 and I would have been happy to say unemployed.

I agree it’s not accurate or tactful, but when I was working full time I did feel like I was having to parent in my spare time. After all, I wasn’t there ‘full time’. I was working.

I wouldn’t do it again for a big clock, it was much harder for me than not having a job as well. But while they are different challenges, I don’t think one is necessarily more demanding. It’s not a competition.

Working mums are quite literally part time mums. How could they not be ?

And working Dads - are they part time dads too?

So does that mean all but 1.2% of dads in the UK are part time dads?

Oh what a surprise, SAHP hater @Topgub is bashing SAHP on yet another thread 🙄

OP O always refer to myself as a full time mum, I hadn’t considered it to mean anything except for SAHM but I hate the latter as it’s so twee. I actually work part time from home when my child is napping/sleeping so I’m a working parent too, but maybe because I don’t go out to work I hadn’t considered if from the other side. Seeing how many people on this thread find it offensive I will stop using it, but I really hate ‘stay at home mum’ or ‘homemaker’, I find them demeaning…

„CurlyhairedAssassin · Yesterday 19:17
I didn't have a job for about 3 years when mine were little (was fortunate to have the option - my salary and prospects were shit and life was just about affordable then on one wage, for a while, so it was a no brainer). I often felt worthless compared to career women, or even those who just worked PT, as if I was offering nothing to society, and did nothing of any use to anyone (except my kids, who obviously didn't appreciate any of it). No-one offered to have the kids at all so I could go off to London (or anywhere else) for the day etc, just because/to get out of my routine/to do something for myself (apart from DH who was great and took the odd day's leave here and there when he could). I think others saw it as I was just "always there", so didn't need childcare for "worthy things" like job stuff. We were also totally skint so I wouldn't have had the money for even the train fare.

So basically, I very very rarely got any change of scene. My life was very "small". I used to be jealous of DH working away and having a hotel room for the night and doing his own thing/chatting to different people/having a meal out.

Please don't assume there is any veiled meaning to what she's saying. She could just literally be jealous, meaning she doesn't have the opportunity to do that“.

This
I remember being envious of mums who worked outside the home. I knew several who made me feel worthless for not returning to work (through circumstances not choice). They were also constantly complaining about how hard they were working “doing two jobs” ( although the total number of hours was the same as a SAHM) and didn’t seem to realize that they had huge privileges that SAHMs don’t have - lunch breaks, going to the toilet alone etc

This isn’t true and isn’t fair. Just because you’re out working doesn’t mean you aren’t a parent at that point. You’re always a parent no matter where you are.

So are SAHMs also part time mums once their kids start primary school?

Does a mum cease to be a mum when she’s asleep? When she’s on the phone to the insurance company or at the hairdresser? Does she cease to be a mum when she idly scrolls on the phone or does some hoovering?

No. so why should she cease to be a mum because she steps away from her kids for a few hours a day while she earns money?

See how stupid and illogical this is?

So someone asked you on a random Wednesday morning team time you'd tell them you were an on call parent but if they asked in the holiday you'd say full time parent? When they're 50 will you just be an occasional parent? In call parent? Used to be a parent?

Hmmm, but I wonder if she is with her child 24/7 or if she ever palms them off to some relative or other to have me time/go shopping/clean the house/see friends/because she never gets a break etc.
Sorry but this is absolute bs

What about parents with shared custody?
Are you a parent?
Well yes but only part time. They cease to exist for me when I cannot see them.

What should I have answered when I was on holiday without them? I'm normally a full time Mummy but this week I'm just an unemployed layabout not looking for work?

This! Say it louder for the people in the back!

By that logic, a Dr working 60 hours a week is only part time because they don't work 24/7

YADNBU, I hate that term too.

Sorry, but how anyone can say a working parent isn't a full time parent is beyond me. If you're lucky enough to be a stay at home parent then are you not part time once all kids are in school? No, you're not. I hate this bullshit way society has of trying to make parents - in particular - Mum's who work feel like they're not good enough. I have a well paid shift work job and stress up to my eyeballs juggling childcare with a partner who works 12hr shifts, and let me tell you, there is nothing part time about it.
I get so bloody angry about this nonsense attitude!!!! Feel for you OP. Keep your chin up and continue to be the SUPERMUM that you are. It is hard, but you're DOING IT.