Fucking hate this term

[MolliciousIntent]

Conversation today with an acquaintance, who is a SAHP, has oddly kinda upset me. I've just gone back to work after 6m mat leave and mentioned that I'll be going into London for work now and then - she said "oh it's been ages since I went to London, but then again I am a full time mum."

I'm probably just tired and stressed, but it felt like a bit of a guy punch. I'm a full time mum too. I just work as well. I've seen SAHMs described as full time mums before, now I think about it, and it makes me feel weird.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

What domestic arrangement would we assume if a bloke described himself as a fulltime dad?

People who chose not to work; be that retired or SAHP or financially independent etc are officially considered economically inactive along with those in full time education being economically inactive rather than unemployed - which is when people want to be employed but currrently aren’t.

But you are not parenting full time, she is.

I haven't read the thread, but I'm with you OP, and I hate it too. For what it's worth, I was a stay at home mom for most of my kids' childhoods, and that's how I described myself. But I never thought I was more of a mother than any working mother. We are all mothers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There is no such thing as a part time mother.

And to be offended by being called unemployed is ridiculous, if you don't have a job you are unemployed, not matter how many useful things you do around the house..

It's not offensive but INCORRECT. This is the third time that I'm going to attempt to explain what 'unemployed' means in economics.

The unemployed are those people able, available and willing to work at the going wage but cannot find a job despite an active search for work.

If a person chooses to stay at home and is not looking for work, then they are not counted as unemployed!!!

Hi OP

I'm totally with you on this one. I went back to work when my DD was 6 months old as well and felt (and still feel) massive guilt and remember saying to my husband that I felt like a 'part time parent'. He corrected me by saying "No, you're a working parent, there's a difference!"

We are all mothers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There is no such thing as a part time mother.

As a relationship, of course. It's also a relationship that continues way beyond any need for childcare. However in terms of spending the best part of 24 hours a day with your children, and doing specific tasks for them, not so much. Both full time mum and SAHM are a kind of shorthand that describes a specific situation without going into too much detail, as is WOHM, or even working from home mum and paying for childcare as, otherwise, you wouldn't get anything done!

And if you work but have school age children, use no paid childcare - what are you then?

The 24 hours a day argument only works until they’re at school.

I doubt your acquaintance was having a dig at you. She was describing her own situation, why do you think it's about you?

You seem to be getting very defensive and triggered by this term, but could you be feeling guilt and projecting it onto her?

The 24 hours a day argument only works until they’re at school.

Then SAHM becomes much more appropriate. Full time mum much less so.

so all the working dads are part time dads?

It's a stupid phrase, she's a stay at home mother, she's as full time a mother as working mothers are though

@LittleBearPad

That has been consistently ignored.

As has the fact that the amount of women truly 'mumming' 24/7 are practically zero.

No one has admitted that they obviously get time off, go to sleep, go out with friends etc.

No one has specified the magic amount of hours needed to qualify as this full time mum.

*And if you work but have school age children, use no paid childcare - what are you then?

The 24 hours a day argument only works until they’re at school.*

You're a Stay at Home Parent then! You're there when your kids come home from school, you're there in the school holidays.

There's no real need to get so tied up in so much detail. If someone you've just met asks you what to do, just pick the most applicable answer.

No one has admitted that they obviously get time off, go to sleep, go out with friends etc.

Admitted? Why would any woman need to 'admit' anything ?

She's right, she is a full-time mum, as in that's what she does all the time. If you work full-time, you're only looking after your children part of the time. I'm not saying that's wrong, but technically, the SAHM is a full-time mother

I feel a recap is due.

I called out what I think is a shitty attitude. I didn’t take sides.

You don’t think it’s a shitty attitude.

I got tired of you attributing attitudes and opinions, and side-taking, to me that I have not adopted on this thread. So I called you out on assuming I am a SAHM. You deny that you assumed that. I’m afraid I don’t believe you.

Think I’ll bow out now.

Technically any mother raising their child is a full time mother. Whether they work outside the home or not, they don't stop being a mother when they leave the house!!!

You don't stop being a mother when you're not with them though, my children are both adults now, does that mean I'm no longer a mother because they don't need minding anymore? Of course it doesn't. And as I said earlier know one ever refer to working dad as being a "part time dad"

Technically any mother raising their child is a full time mother. Whether they work outside the home or not, they don't stop being a mother when they leave the house!!!

I think we've covered this several times - yes technically a mother is and will always be a mother!

BUT if a mother works outside the home she obviously has less time at home, so less time to look after her family and home. It's really not that difficult to understand that point!!!

So you refer to men who work outside the home as part time dads then do you?

@pinklavenders

But stay at home mums dont stay at home.

So how is that any better?

@pinklavenders yes technically a mother is and will always be a mother!

Therefore there aren't part time and full time mothers. Great 😀

IMHO anyone that starts a post like this with the F word sounds volatile, immature and intrinsically angry; it's unnecessary and doesn't make a good impression.

@pinklavenders

I've asked but you haven't answered that I can see, nor has anyone else

Do you think working parents don't do any work inside the home?

How many hours do you have to spend being a mum to qualify as a full time mum?