Fucking hate this term

[MolliciousIntent]

Conversation today with an acquaintance, who is a SAHP, has oddly kinda upset me. I've just gone back to work after 6m mat leave and mentioned that I'll be going into London for work now and then - she said "oh it's been ages since I went to London, but then again I am a full time mum."

I'm probably just tired and stressed, but it felt like a bit of a guy punch. I'm a full time mum too. I just work as well. I've seen SAHMs described as full time mums before, now I think about it, and it makes me feel weird.

Do people really think working mums are part time parents? Or was she just having a dig?

She was responsible for organising it and managing you as her employee. Husband probably took no interest.

lots of my mum friends say they are like single parents because their husbands work long hrs and do attend parents evenings. No they are not single parents. A single parent is exactly that - one parent who is 100% responsible for the child - no every other weekend stuff etc.

@pinklavenders

OK. And working mums dislike the term full time mum because that is incorrect. They are not part time mums.

@MRex

I think the sahm role is harmful to others. It promotes inequality and sexism and worsens the gender pay gap.

🤷‍♀️

OK. And working mums dislike the term full time mum because that is incorrect. They are not part time mums.

Ok. What shall we call women then who choose to look after their home and family?

I bet if someone started talking about research showing small children fare best being cared for by a parent, you’d be furious.

@DucklingDaisy

Why would I be furious?

Best is subjective and no research is totally conclusive on the subject.

But if that's the findings then fair enough.

I think the sahm role is harmful to others. It promotes inequality and sexism and worsens the gender pay gap.

Can you not see any benefits of a parent staying at home to look after their family?

I used to go to the same play centre with my toddler as the nanny for a certain Hollywood A lister who used to witter on in magazines about mung beans and macrobiotic diets. My friend and I witnessed her kids crisp and fruit shoot consumption on a regular basis 😁

@pinklavenders

To who?

The working parent? Yeah I can see the benefit of not having to worry about childcare. That's why it affects the gender pay gap. Cause women do it and men don't.

So that kind of negates that benefit

To the 'parent' (mum) who doesn't want to work? Guess there's a benefit to them. They get to do what they want.

If there's sen/disability. It could be a benefit.

But thats about it.

So that kind of negates that benefit

In your (subjective) opinion. For others the benefits far outweigh the costs.

But thats about it.

That 'it' may be a lot for many!

@pinklavenders

Could be.

I dont have to agree

🤷‍♀️

Well it’s interesting though I don’t love it l

Ok clever clogs.

For mothers whose DC are at school - are THEY full time mothers too?
Or do they relegate themselves to part time mothers, for the sake of accuracy?
Because mothers of school-age children are doing solely that, full time, either.

Maybe in the first 3 years or so. Just about up to age 5 possibly. Beyond that I’m sceptical.

Unemployed is the term she was after. Different people make different choices. As long as you can afford your choice yourself then it doesn't matter.

Maybe in the first 3 years or so. Just about up to age 5 possibly. Beyond that I’m sceptical.

Sure, be sceptical

As long as women are happy with and can afford their choices, great.

Different people make different choices. As long as you can afford your choice yourself then it doesn't matter.

Exactly

@pinklavenders

Well women often can't afford their choices.

That's the problem.

They need their ohs or the state to fund them.

Or their forced into not having a choice

You sooo think I’m a SAHM don’t you? Maybe you should reflect on the possibility that someone may hold the view that I hold about your comments without actually being a SAHM?

@eastegg

No, lol. It hadn't crossed my mind to care.

It makes no difference.

The comment stands

Exactly. I never really bought into the whole "You can have it all"... That's not a life that I wanted for myself juggling a career and and a family, I have both, but at different times and different stages of life. The problem is when people don't have choices that I take notice. If someone makes the choice to have children and then has to work to afford their bills then support should be available where possible. Because child rearing IS important to society, it is VERY important. Bringing up all of our children in the best possible environment should be achievable for everyone, regardless of income or circumstances.

This thread is about putting mothers into boxes they have to defend, which is a shame.

Hadn’t crossed your mind to care, ok.

What did you mean when you said, directly to me upthread, ‘you clearly have a side’?

You’ve been massively oppositional, and talking to me like I’m a defensive SAHM with issues, the whole time. It’s been interesting to observe. But sure, of course your comments stand and so do my reactions to them.

@eastegg

You clearly have a side as in you wish to defend sahms against perceived attacks.

Thats how your comments come across.

It doesn't make a difference if you are one really.

No matter how hard looking after your own children is, it isn't a job. In the same way doing your own cleaning, gardening, DIY, looking after your own pets, etc aren't a job.

I work part time, and yes the days when I'm doing childcare are usually more tiring than the part time job days (so technically 'harder'), but the difference is I can do what I want on those days, we can go to the park, sit watching TV all day, go to a museum, meet a friend for a playdate, make a cake etc. without fear of being made redundant or demoted if I'm not performing at my best.

I think people who say being a stay at home parent is like a full time job probably haven't actually experienced having an actual job recently.

I do think children benefit from having a parent at home / being looked after by a parent some of most of the time, so do think it should be valued and it is obviously hard work. But nowadays it quite a luxury to be able to do that and not work. And to be offended by being called unemployed is ridiculous, if you don't have a job you are unemployed, not matter how many useful things you do around the house..