To judge gender disappointment?

[illstayinthepoolanddrown]

When that person has a baby gender reveal party?

I’ve seen (from both parents) where after the reveal and everyone is cheering they are stood there miserable, or they’ve started crying and even seen some where they walk off.

The worst one I’ve just seen was twins and it was blue confetti first and the mum just shrugged and everyone looked awkward, second confetti was pink and she’s screaming and jumping with joy. How horrible for that little boy to maybe one day see that video.

I do think gender disappointment is valid and I’m sure most who feel it wish they didn’t. I just don’t get why you’d put yourself in that situation to be the centre of attention when it could turn out pretty bad.

You were about the 10th person to ‘bite’

I have just got over my gender disappointment with my second child (due in Jan). I had to delve into it to find what was really going on, and it turned out to be due to my relationship with my older brother who was physically and emotionally abusive growing up. I was terrified of having a boy that echoed that behaviour and what this would do to our family. Some people don’t realise these feelings until they have gender reveal. (I never had one but don’t begrudge people that do). I think more compassion is required here.

When I had my 20 week scan and I was asked if I would like to know the gender, I said yes. I was hoping for a girl, but was told a boy. Not going to sugar coat it, I was quite upset, as I had my heart set on wanting a girl

6 years on and I love my DS to bits. Best thing that's ever happened to me and I wouldn't change him for the world. Makes me feel a bit silly looking back. I felt awful feeling that, but I've realised it's quite common, though rarely expressed about having your heart set on a particular gender

OK YANBU to think gender reveals are tacky and should be done with already. But YABU to ridicule those with gender disappointment. When I was pregnant I did want a DD. Yes I would've been slightly disappointed if I had a DS but then the baby arrives and you love them more than anything. I think most of us when we want a family, start to dream what that family could look like and the sort of things you'd do together and yes in those imaginings you might lean more towards being involved with a daughter or son. So when reality is far removed from what you thought for so long yes there is bound to be disappointment doesn't mean it's permanent. My friend is open about her gender disappointment and it was an IVF baby too but she loves her DS now more than anything.

Those reasons are usually linked to gender stereotypes ime. Girls can wear pretty dresses, play with dolls, go to ballet, enjoy shopping trips with mum and be a bride one day. Boys can play football with dad, like dinosaurs, buy dad and grandad a pint on his 18th and protect their sisters. Or other weird stuff like that. You’re best to try to keep the stereotype stuff away from them as much as possible, a hard task in such a gendered world.

I went to one over the top gender reveal, followed by an over the top baby shower they expected gifts both times.
They had a girl and then proceeded to go around telling everyone how upset they'd had been if it was a boy. Including my friend who has had two failed rounds of IVF.
Only baby showers I'd go to now are close friends and small ones where its more of a relaxed get together. Over the top gender reveals are just awful gift grabbing and for wannabe instagrammers

I’ll join the kitchen party please. Babies don’t have a gender

To be fair with the way men are talked about on here, is it any wonder women are apprehensive to find out they’re having a boy?

Crosstalk and others. You are absolutely right. Babies don’t have a gender yet. They have a sex.

I didn't do a gender reveal with my two ds but I was sad and upset when I found out ds 2 was a boy because I knew I wouldn't have a girl as we had agreed on 2 children. He's now 18 months and he is absolutely loved and he's so very cheeky.

I’m very happy my teens don’t buy into gender ideology and both say they don’t have a gender.

Hardly relevant to the thread is it?

I struggle to accept "gender(sex) disappointment" is valid.

To be fair a “sex reveal party” followed by “sex disappointment” probably makes for the kind of video that’s not allowed on TikTok or instagram.

I do judge people who are very disappointed with their baby's sex, I can't help it. But this was an insightful post, so thank you.

We didn't ask their sex just if they were OK.

Perhaps the ones disappointed with boys are mumsnetters who know what terrible people they're raising, men.😁

Gender reveals are daft.

Excellent!

Gender reveal parties is just another attention seeking device to con supposed friends out of money. Same as destination weddings and excessive hen/stag parties. Tacky as Fuck.

Seriously, no-one but the parents actually care if it’s a boy or a girl.

If you’re likely to be disappointed when you find out the sex, then don’t bloody make a big fuss about it. It’s not difficult.

I don't like to judge but it winds me right up when I see videos like this.

So I suppose I do judge. Honestly couldn't care if my baby was a boy or girl. Healthy is the most important.

I didn't find out with DS and I'm not with these twins either because I really don't care what sex they are. I've loved them from the second I've found out I've been pregnant with both my pregnancies. Sex doesn't mean shit to me.

When I was pregnant with my second child I was hoping for a girl for no other reason than because we already had a son. When I was told at the 20 week scan that it was going to be a boy I will admit feeling a little bit downhearted for a few days. It wasn’t because I didn’t want a boy per se, but because I knew it was going to be my last baby so I knew I would never have a daughter.

After about 3-4 days of coming to terms with that realisation the excitement kicked in and I couldn’t wait to have another little boy.

And when I see my two boys together I am so, so glad that I have two of the same sex. I can’t even imagine having a daughter now.

I do find it hard when I see Gender Reveal parties and the parents don’t hide their upset and disappointment, it’s really unpleasant. I think if you feel strongly about wanting one sex over the other then you find out in private, not in front of a camera and 101 guests.

It was relevant to the post I responded to. Feel free to ignore any posts that you feel are not relevant to you. 🙃

@PonyTime I hope you had to pick the sex due to health reasons only. Picking the sex of your baby for vanity reasons is completely unethical!!