To judge gender disappointment?

[illstayinthepoolanddrown]

When that person has a baby gender reveal party?

I’ve seen (from both parents) where after the reveal and everyone is cheering they are stood there miserable, or they’ve started crying and even seen some where they walk off.

The worst one I’ve just seen was twins and it was blue confetti first and the mum just shrugged and everyone looked awkward, second confetti was pink and she’s screaming and jumping with joy. How horrible for that little boy to maybe one day see that video.

I do think gender disappointment is valid and I’m sure most who feel it wish they didn’t. I just don’t get why you’d put yourself in that situation to be the centre of attention when it could turn out pretty bad.

Gender/sex reveals are cringy as are baby showers.

Just tell people what you're having and let people give you gifts when they come and see the baby.

I was wondering if the gender disappointment usually connected to expecting a boy rather than a girl has anything to do with boys’ behaviour, perceived or real?
Most of the threads on here bemoaning naughtiness concern boys, ime. I’ve just read one now about someone’s nephew being a little terror.
Do boy parents let them get away with more than girls or are they generally worse behaved?

Very well said.

I only had a very slight preference for a girl so I'm probably not best placed to comment.

For me part of it was very shallow, mainly about little girls' clothes being really cute. And part of it was about having been a little girl and grown up into a woman and wanting to have a daughter who would go through similar experiences to me, being able to share the same things with her that my mum shared with me, and not be the only woman in a family of men/boys.

Now I've had a boy, I know that little boys are every bit as cute as little girls.

And now I'm expecting a girl, I'm happy about it, but also quite daunted about her growing up in a world which isn't very kind to girls and women.

I think it's reasonable to be initially disappointed when you find out the gender, even if you didn't think you had a preference.

I wanted to have a daughter. As a dance teacher and someone with an extremely close relationship with my mom (we used to do tap duets together), I wanted to have that same excellent relationship with my own daughter.

That's not in the cards for me. I got over the initial disappointment when DS was a boy, and then again with DS2 after the scan (he is due in October). I love them both dearly and wouldn't change them.

That doesn't mean I didn't want a daughter.

Not at all surprising that the person who uses the misogynistic term 'Karen' as an insult, also can't understand the reasons, subtle or otherwise, why people may find issue with 'gender' reveal parties.

Didn’t give a hoot for the first

fancied a girl for the second

second was a girl

really very happy

played it cool though on the off chance someone was a judgey mumsnetter! 😂

Same. It's pathetic. "Oooh let's release a load of shitty balloons and add more to landfill so we can show off on facebook".

Captain Bringdown speaking : It's Colm not Colin.

Lovely guy and brilliant live !

@Abhannmor ha, oh no! My English ears just always heard ‘Colin’ oops, I don’t know the name Colm 😅
Maybe it’s not the best analogy because his scenes are in fact entertaining and hilarious.

Quite a popular boys name. There is a diminutive form Colman / Colmán. I think Scots have it as Calum?

I've got 2 girls. Wanted 2 girls. When I found out DD2 was a girl, I cried. Knowing I'd never have a boy. Hormones do crazy things to you.

I don’t get it as generally the disappointment is based on preconceived ideas rather than potential reality.

For instance, some women are disappointed as they want a DD to dress up in frilly things and ‘decorate’ as this is THEIR idea of a DD. Never occurs to them that a DD they may have would hate this, want dinosaur and Bob the Builder clothing and short hair. Or, that they may get a boy that likes to wear pink tutu’s or princess outfits. So they seem to grieve for something that may not have existed even if they had it!

Also, the whole wanting a DD for the mother/daughter relationship. Maybe a DD wouldn’t want the same relationship these women had with their mothers? My DD and I love each other very much but she is closer to DH simply due to similar personalities and interests/style/tastes. I’m closer to one of my sons as we have the same personality and interests so it’s just ‘easier’ to do stuff together with the bonus of inherently understanding each other without having to speak.

Most women and men think that their kids will be mini carbon copies of themselves and have this preconceived idea of how it will be. When they learn they will not be having the sex they want they grieve the mini me that likely never would have existed even if they got that sex. It’s weird.

What you probably mean is you don't know anyone who's had a gender reveal party in public. Anyone can have gender disappointment. For any number or reasons. Just because it wasn't shared with youdoesnt mean they didn't feel it, it's very common. Usually just a slight preference for one sex. Most forget after meeting their baby.

I just think to hear the words at your scan 'your baby looks perfectly healthy' followed by sex you didn't want and that actually makes you cry/disappointed is just the definition of 1st world problems and being a spoilt brat tbh.

It's just as common in the third world, in fact, there's a lot more societal pressure. I know people who have been divorced for not producing a son, had as many kids as possible to get one, or had an extramarital baby.

I had gender disappointment with my second. I wanted a girl after my first daughter had died and he was a boy. Probably a good thing, meant he was always his own person separate from his dead sister but I don’t judge myself for the temporary post birth disappointment, it was bound up in grief, trauma and depression.

Interesting people think those who have infertility/miscarriages/baby loss will not have gender disappointment. Evidence suggests that they are far more likely to and also far more likely to develop PND. Gender disappointment is a symptom more often than a problem in itself and it is usually transient, babies are more than just their sex, once they’re real people with real needs then their sex is forgotten. You wouldn’t choose a random female baby over your loved and individual little James or Johnny.
Where it persists it is often like name regret, a symptom of depression.

I don’t get it as generally the disappointment is based on preconceived ideas rather than potential reality.

Absolutely.

My husband was adamant he didn’t want daughters! He’s a secondary school teacher and he said he’s sees what some teenage girls are like and how they behave and he said he just wouldn’t be able to cope with it.

I said that all girls can’t be tarred with the brush but like you say, people’s pre-conceived ideas don’t always match the reality.

If we’d had a daughter he would of course loved her and he wouldn’t have been disappointed, but I definitely think he’s relieved we have boys.

I just read a story about a man who died at a gender reveal because the gender reveal cannon exploded spraying shrapnel …

I don’t get it but maybe that’s because I have both genders 🤷🏼‍♀️

Not just the third world. Remember that in this country a prominent bloke divorced one wife and executed the next for failing to produce a son (at least one who survived beyond infancy).

My husband was adamant he didn’t want daughters! He’s a secondary school teacher and he said he’s sees what some teenage girls are like and how they behave and he said he just wouldn’t be able to cope with it.

I was only saying yesterday that I've had more trouble at work from teenage girls than teenage boys this summer. I'll be very glad when term starts.

I have both too and I think weirdly that makes me get it more.
My life would be poorer without having a daughter. My life would be poorer without having a son.

This

100% agree