To judge gender disappointment?

[illstayinthepoolanddrown]

When that person has a baby gender reveal party?

I’ve seen (from both parents) where after the reveal and everyone is cheering they are stood there miserable, or they’ve started crying and even seen some where they walk off.

The worst one I’ve just seen was twins and it was blue confetti first and the mum just shrugged and everyone looked awkward, second confetti was pink and she’s screaming and jumping with joy. How horrible for that little boy to maybe one day see that video.

I do think gender disappointment is valid and I’m sure most who feel it wish they didn’t. I just don’t get why you’d put yourself in that situation to be the centre of attention when it could turn out pretty bad.

Why find out in such a public event if they can not manage the outcome?

It is sad, just keep something little a surprise and be private

@crosstalk
I'm interested as to why it's a diminishing amount of babies who are XXY?
Is there not also XYY too? They often end up in Broadmoor etc? It's a long time since I did A level Biology!

Quite common - some NHS hospitals in this area when I was having my children a few years ago wouldn’t tell you the sex at scans because it led to a lot of parents wanting to abort baby girls. I think it’s an issue with particular cultural backgrounds and thus policy varies between hospitals with different demographics. My local hospital would tell you if it was obvious while they were scanning what they needed to but they were very clear they wouldn’t spend nhs appointment time digging around to find out.

YANBU.

I find the disappointed reactions just awful to watch.

I also don't like the trend in 20 week anatomy scans being labelled 'gender scans.' They are not 'gender scans,' they are an important medical examination with the purpose of identifying any potential issues with the growing baby.

I also don't like the token few "it's sex not gender" posters that always pop up on these threads. It's so boring. Please leave.

Almost as boring as the posters who think they have any say over whether people leave a thread or not

@PainsandAches If you are able to come up with a justifiable reason as to why saying "it's sex and not gender" is in any way a valid contribution to the discussion on this thread, then I am willing to hear it.

Or, as the OP said, report the thread and ask for the title to be changed. Hopefully that will make you feel just a little bit better!

Here endeth the first lesson, Gender for Dummies, very well done, I'll pretend I give a damn about the differences.
I used to be teaching teenagers how to complete forms and when the box asking for their sex instead of M/F the smartalecs put Yes Please. So original.

It's still a bit shit if the child ever finds out that they were a disappointment. The internet never forgets.

You sound fun

Gender disappointment is a perfectly valid way to feel. Sometimes people don’t expect it other times they just imagined something different for their future. I cried my heart out when I found out I was having a boy. Thankfully this was in the hospital car park rather than infront of a party but still. You still love them when they come out!

I didn't have a gender reveal party however, I had a boy first and wanted my second to be a boy too as they were close in age, I was a tad disappointed when the scan said it was a girl, however she's literally my best friend and I love them the same...I've then gone on to have another boy but with a bit of a gap, ideally I wanted the first two the same gender just as in my head they'd have been closer and into the same things ( I know they could've have completely different likes in reality etc)
It was just a stupid reason and the disappointment didn't last very long at all.
The day after the scan I went shopping and got so excited at buying girl clothes.

How can she afford another child if a private scan is too expensive?

I think the parents who thrown gender reveal parties DO expect their children to behave in accordance with gender stereotypes, otherwise why would they care? They are the most awful
idea when you think about the harm that gender stereotypes do.

And if you hold a gender reveal party and then cry about the result which had a 50% likelihood, you are clearly not very bright.

Why did you have sex selection IVF? What was so risky just putting any decent embryo. Obviously understandable for medical reasons.

If you don’t care or understand the difference between sex and gender in this day and age I’m very relieved you are no longer teaching teenagers.

I've got 3 younger brothers, I remember being told when the last one was born that he was a boy and I was heartbroken! But I was 7 at the time. As a mother of 1 now I can't imagine feeling like this as an adult.

Honestly nothing positive about men is ever written on Mn - if an alien had to glean the simple facts about the two sexes from this forum, they would think all men are selfish egotistical rapists. You can’t join in with all the ‘so done with men’ and ‘AIBU to hate all men’ type threads then act shocked and judgemental when other women find out they’re expecting a boy. Saying ‘oh but boys are lovely’ just sounds so hollow after posting on another thread to say how shit men are and how the world would be better off without them.

*find out they’re expecting a boy and get upset.

Thankyou. I was genuinely confused and thought the poster had got it wrong.

Do you live under a rock? Do a little reading on Stonewall and TRA’s if you don’t understand why sex and gender should not be confused. Language matters, particularly when women’s sex-based rights are in question. Continuing to misuse gender instead of sex is problematic.

Gender reveal parties are also problematic as children shouldn’t be pushed towards a gender stereotype before they are even born! Just let them be who they are, in their own bodies.

Given that the sort of people who have these "gender (sex) reveal parties" are quite likely to be the type to go straight out to buy a load of blue paint and toy cars if they are having a son, or pink paint and dollies if a daughter then "gender" seems to be perfectly appropriate in this circumstance. For those parents gender stereotypes are firmly tied into one's sex.

I think it is such odd behaviour. When you are having a child there’s a 50/50 chance so what is the mental rationalise behind being disappointed one way or the other? People know what they are getting into on this matter; the child will be male or female.

I think it takes a callousness and shallowness to actually be disappointed about your entirely innocent child when it hasn’t even had a chance to be born yet.

or perhaps emotional immaturity and a portent of the next generation of narc parents.

@StClare101 but nobody wants to say ‘sex reveal parties’ do they? Ffs it sounds like an orgy

@PonyTime so I presume you've sex-selected for girls then, given your comments?

It sounds like you've got very prescriptive ideas of what you expect from them! What happens if they want to live abroad/ not get married/ not have their own DC/ prefer their in-laws/ get married to a woman etc etc?

I feel like you've set yourself up for disappointment a little bit!

When my two (b/g) were young I lived next to a woman with two girls. We keep in touch and whilst my two and their families live near me and visit a lot and I do lots of childcare, she doesn't really see her daughters. They love each other dearly but one lives abroad and one lives a very independent life.

My friend doesn't mind at all as she just wants them to be happy. Are you going to be ok if your children follow their own path and don't conform to what you expected of them?

@StClare101 I think you misunderstand.

Of course I understand the difference between sex and gender. I just don't get the constant need for certain posters to hop onto threads like this and berate the OP for saying 'gender reveal' instead of 'sex reveal.'

In the real world, they are known as gender reveals, whether 'correct' or not!