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Original poster

To judge gender disappointment?

228 replies

illstayinthepoolanddrown · 30/08/2022 19:02

When that person has a baby gender reveal party?

I’ve seen (from both parents) where after the reveal and everyone is cheering they are stood there miserable, or they’ve started crying and even seen some where they walk off.

The worst one I’ve just seen was twins and it was blue confetti first and the mum just shrugged and everyone looked awkward, second confetti was pink and she’s screaming and jumping with joy. How horrible for that little boy to maybe one day see that video.

I do think gender disappointment is valid and I’m sure most who feel it wish they didn’t. I just don’t get why you’d put yourself in that situation to be the centre of attention when it could turn out pretty bad.

OP posts:
PeekAtYou · 30/08/2022 19:33

It's only acceptable in limited circumstances like a certain sex possibly carrying a specific gene that the other sex wouldn't have inherited.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/08/2022 19:34

The solution is not to watch the videos. These idiots only put them out for clicks. Don't click.

MissyB1 · 30/08/2022 19:34

RagingWoke · 30/08/2022 19:25

I judge anyone who has a gender reveal or disappointment. Reveals are awful, tacky, sad pleas for attention.

I strongly feel if anyone has such a desire for a specific sex child they cry, become depressed or whatever when it's 'wrong' then they shouldn't have one.

And I do believe the type of people doing these things mean gender rather than sex because it's generally gendered bs with blue/pink and 'the aesthetic' being the concern.

Yes this sums it all up nicely.

pumpkinpie01 · 30/08/2022 19:34

Seen a few lately on fb where the mums already have 2 boys and find out they are having another boy . They look so disappointed and just walk off, then all the comments are people laughing at their reaction . So sad

Somethingsnappy · 30/08/2022 19:34

RagingWoke · 30/08/2022 19:25

I judge anyone who has a gender reveal or disappointment. Reveals are awful, tacky, sad pleas for attention.

I strongly feel if anyone has such a desire for a specific sex child they cry, become depressed or whatever when it's 'wrong' then they shouldn't have one.

And I do believe the type of people doing these things mean gender rather than sex because it's generally gendered bs with blue/pink and 'the aesthetic' being the concern.

I agree with every word you said.

UWhatNow · 30/08/2022 19:36

Gender reveals are as tacky as fuck. They - and other associated narcissistic social-media abhorrences - are what make me not mourn too much about the eco crisis and the impending end of the human race.

Original poster
illstayinthepoolanddrown · 30/08/2022 19:39

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/08/2022 19:34

The solution is not to watch the videos. These idiots only put them out for clicks. Don't click.

I don’t click. They will just come up on a feed or my fyp, so my opinion is formed over a reasonable amount of time.

OP posts:
Endofdaysarehere · 30/08/2022 19:41

Alternatively I found crosstalk‘s post interesting, but the rest of you weirdly rude and aggressive.

I’ll go with her to the kitchen and have an interesting discussion and the rest of you can stay here sweating over balloons, confetti and idiot peoples reactions to them

Original poster
illstayinthepoolanddrown · 30/08/2022 19:42

pumpkinpie01 · 30/08/2022 19:34

Seen a few lately on fb where the mums already have 2 boys and find out they are having another boy . They look so disappointed and just walk off, then all the comments are people laughing at their reaction . So sad

I wouldn’t laugh or comment negatively.

But ultimately that person has had two pregnancies, they know what’s it’s like to find out a gender. They know they don’t want a third boy so why are they throwing a party for everyone to watch that moment?

OP posts:
Idontgiveashitanymore · 30/08/2022 19:42

I think these reveals are grabby and tacky .you always get the desperate friend on video crying 🤢

sunsoutmumsout · 30/08/2022 19:42

Yes I judge them 1000%

But then they also tend to be the blissfully ignorantly fertile. Disappointment is month after month year after year of BFNs, disappointment is round after round of failed IVF, disappointment is getting a BFP but not being lucky enough to bring a living healthy baby home

MajorCarolDanvers · 30/08/2022 19:43

People can't help how they feel and judging someone who is distressed seems somewhat lacking in empathy.

Original poster
illstayinthepoolanddrown · 30/08/2022 19:44

MajorCarolDanvers · 30/08/2022 19:43

People can't help how they feel and judging someone who is distressed seems somewhat lacking in empathy.

At a party where they’ve invited people to watch their reaction?

OP posts:
Original poster
illstayinthepoolanddrown · 30/08/2022 19:45

Endofdaysarehere · 30/08/2022 19:41

Alternatively I found crosstalk‘s post interesting, but the rest of you weirdly rude and aggressive.

I’ll go with her to the kitchen and have an interesting discussion and the rest of you can stay here sweating over balloons, confetti and idiot peoples reactions to them

Don’t get the door hit you where God split you.

Toodles!

OP posts:
pompomseverywhere · 30/08/2022 19:45

crosstalk · 30/08/2022 19:15

OK I'll bite. And be the first one to say it's sex, not gender. Sex is what the baby is born with - even intersex babies with confusing genitalia are identifiable as XX or XY bar the vanishingly small number where it's XXY.

Gender is how social norms (differing from country to country) dictate what males and females should conform to. The usual pink/unicorns/makeup for girls and blue/lions/sport for boys - at least in much of the northern hemisphere.

So I guess (a) it's not called a sex reveal because in the US that's not a polite word and (b) it could be a gender reveal if you intend your child to grow up rigidly sticking to your social norms. Beware a son who doesn't want to play football or a girl who does.

Totally agree with you and it's a shame you are getting bullied on here. I don't think you were a dick.

Maray1967 · 30/08/2022 19:45

If you are disappointed with your baby’s sex then you need to take a long hard look at yourself. No doubt many experience it but hopefully only as a momentary thing which passes quickly.. But if it stays, then I’d advise counting your blessings. Those of us with failed ivf treatments and several mcs behind us probably don’t have much, if any, gender disappointment’.
I made it clear to the GPS beforehand - in a friendly way but the message was clear- that DC(2) would not be a disappointment. They all seem to have got the message. In my postnatal hormonal state I think I could have slapped anyone who suggested having a second boy would be a disappointment.

Hardbackwriter · 30/08/2022 19:46

I agree with you, OP, but it's almost inevitable, isn't it? The overlap between people who think that baby's sex matters so much that it's worth having a whole party themed around it and the people who have a strong preference for the sex of their baby must be huge, so they're bound to be either elated or (50% of the time) disappointed.

MajorCarolDanvers · 30/08/2022 19:46

sunsoutmumsout · 30/08/2022 19:42

Yes I judge them 1000%

But then they also tend to be the blissfully ignorantly fertile. Disappointment is month after month year after year of BFNs, disappointment is round after round of failed IVF, disappointment is getting a BFP but not being lucky enough to bring a living healthy baby home

I experienced years of BFNs
I needed fertility treatment to become pregnant and suffered miscarriages.
I experienced gender disappointment.
Its not a logical thing.
Its not something you can help.

MajorCarolDanvers · 30/08/2022 19:47

illstayinthepoolanddrown · 30/08/2022 19:44

At a party where they’ve invited people to watch their reaction?

Show quote history

As others have said on the thread - perhaps they did not realise how they would feel. Its not something you can help.

Irrespective - judging someone who is distressed is pretty bad.

Original poster
illstayinthepoolanddrown · 30/08/2022 19:47

Just to confirm my post isn’t about judging gender reveals, or moaning about hen dos or even gender disappointment.

Its about wanting a specific gender and inviting close people in your life to watch a reveal that could turn out to be very shit, awkward and captured for your child to maybe see one day.

OP posts:
Midpmcoffee · 30/08/2022 19:48

Out of interest op

how come you name changed to start this thread?

PonyTime · 30/08/2022 19:49

illstayinthepoolanddrown · 30/08/2022 19:47

Just to confirm my post isn’t about judging gender reveals, or moaning about hen dos or even gender disappointment.

Its about wanting a specific gender and inviting close people in your life to watch a reveal that could turn out to be very shit, awkward and captured for your child to maybe see one day.

Ah but you knew that's what a thread like this could generate

The perpetually miserable on here to crawl out and be vile about people having fun in various forms

As many have already said, for many they have no idea how strongly they feel until confronted with it at the time

Abhannmor · 30/08/2022 19:54

BeanieTeen · 30/08/2022 19:23

OK I'll bite. And be the first one to say it's sex, not gender. Sex is what the baby is born with - even intersex babies with confusing genitalia are identifiable as XX or XY bar the vanishingly small number where it's XXY.

No one was fishing… no one gives a shit if you ‘bite’. Its just how normal people in real life talk 🙄

It's our sex that a scan reveals.

Cherryana · 30/08/2022 19:56

You don’t have a gender you have a baby who is a person in their own right.

Which is why I find having a gender preference so selfish.

greenygreens · 30/08/2022 19:57

We didn't have a gender reveal but DP and I had a scan and found out just ourselves. When we left I cried in the car after finding out it was a boy. DP was over the moon and I felt like I ruined that moment for him. I am so ashamed and angry at myself for feeling the way I did. I now have the most beautiful, soft natured, happiest almost 11 month old who I love the absolute bones off. He is a total dream and I feel so lucky that he is ours. It is usually boys that cause the disappointment and I wish it wasn't, they are amazing and so loving.