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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DD(4.5) have her hair cut the way that she wants?

227 replies

Lem0ndrizzl3 · 30/08/2022 10:58

DD is 4.5 and about to start primary school. We have been talking about having her hair cut for a while and asked her if there was a haircut that she would like. Her answer was "I want bald hair". I tried to explain to her that shaving her head is a very big decision (her hair currently reaches her waist) and that if she didn't like it, it would take years to grow back to its current length. When I tried to ask if there was any other haircuts that she liked she said she wanted "short hair like boys hair". I again tried to explain that it's a very big change and that maybe she should wait until she's older.

I thought it would be a passing thing like most of those kind of comments but she's stayed persistent that she wants a to be bald or have very short hair. In theory I don't have any issue with cutting hair hair short but I'm more concerned about what comes along with it.

I remember when I was in school, my school had rules around hair. Boys weren't allowed hair longer than a certain length and girls weren't allowed hair shorter than a certain length - unless for religious or health reasons. There was a girl who shaved her head and she was so severely bullied for it and she was given detentions just for her haircut. I also worry about the misconceptions it opens her up to. I would hate for her to get comments about her health or her gender because it doesn't apply here. And I suppose I am worried that I'd be accused by other parents of trying to make her be a boy.

My DP doesn't see the big deal, that it's just hair and it'll grow back. And he thinks it might help with her sensory issues. But I don't think it's a good idea. Aibu?

OP posts:
NiceTwin · 30/08/2022 14:31

My dd went from long to cropped in yr1, now she is 16 it is even shorter than it ever has been.

She rocks a short haircut!

I would let your dd go with her choice. It won't take long to grow back to a length that can be styled.

Duchess379 · 30/08/2022 14:32

My mum always wanted me to have long hair. I always wanted it short. Now as an adult I always have short hair. Let her have cut into a bob, at the very least, you can then gauge how she feels about it.

TabithaTittlemouse · 30/08/2022 14:37

horseymum · 30/08/2022 13:50

One word- nuts! You may find the shorter her hair the better when she starts school!!

@horseymum nuts! 😂

Derbee · 30/08/2022 14:37

I’d certainly let her cut it short. It must be so frustrating to have waist length hair, when you want short hair. “Bald” might simply be a reaction to feeling overwhelmed by such ridiculously long hair.

I’d let her have it cut above shoulders, bob,
pixie etc until it’s a length that she’s happy with.

turkeyboots · 30/08/2022 14:40

A nice short Bob will also help avoid nits which are rife in primary.

Snog · 30/08/2022 14:47

Let her choose
If not my DD's friend cut her own hair with scissors as her mum wouldn't let her have a bob.

Freckl · 30/08/2022 14:56

My 6 year old looked beautiful with a pixie cut.

Agree with vetoing the bald head due to sunburn and required maintence.

Your school sounds extremely old fashioned even for the (I'm assuming!) 90s / 00s. We had a "no extreme hairstyle" rule but it covered things like blue hair and mohicans, not that I ever understood or agreed with that either.

NotMeNoNo · 30/08/2022 14:57

At such a young age they just use the words they have and think in very simple absolute terms - I don't like my hair, I want bald. perhaps think it terms of some characters she relates to such as Dora the Explorer ? (Can't think of any more - too long ago!)

NotMeNoNo · 30/08/2022 14:59

I meant to say - the underlying ask is probably for lighter, less intrusive hair, but a 4yo is not going to say I want a short graduated bob with a feather fringe and thinned on top.

ScamelaAnderson · 30/08/2022 15:03

This is cute

To not let DD(4.5) have her hair cut the way that she wants?
Comedycook · 30/08/2022 15:03

I wouldn't allow her to shave her head...no way.

I'd be fine with short hair...although I'd probably try to persuade her to go for a short bob and say if she then wants it shorter she can.

bloodyunicorns · 30/08/2022 15:10

There are no rules these days about minimum length of girls' hair!!

If she has sensory issues, maybe she hates all the brushing and washing waist-length hair needs?? Why not compromise and have it cut into a bob? There are loads of gorgeous shorter styles for girls.

rnsaslkih · 30/08/2022 15:10

I would get it cut into a bob and see how she goes with it.

PonyTime · 30/08/2022 15:33

ScamelaAnderson · 30/08/2022 15:03

This is cute

Cute for a 45 year old mother of 3

SE13Mummy · 30/08/2022 15:35

There's a whole load of pixie cuts on a young girl <a class="break-all" href="https://pin.it/6bIqBQ6pin.it/6bIqBQ6" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here. I remember when DD had hers short that it was hard to find photos of young girls as opposed to 20-somethings with short hair.

Suggestions to gradually get your DD's hair cut sound expensive but are also missing the point; she has clearly communicated her hopes which may well reflect her sensory need to not have hair down her neck, swishing round her ears etc. Provided she understands that if she gets it cut short, it won't be long again until she's about 6, let her go for it.

SE13Mummy · 30/08/2022 15:36

Link didn't work
pin.it/6bIqBQ6

CruCru · 30/08/2022 15:54

MN is often quite strange about girls’ hair. I’d probably just choose whichever hairstyle makes the least work.

One thing to mention - if she does ballet (she might not) then they will want her hair neatly tied back. This is difficult with a jaw length bob.

rita12345 · 30/08/2022 15:56

Can she have a bob w fringe?

nokidshere · 30/08/2022 16:26

At what age does it become 'her body - her choice' ?

At an age where she is able to see more than one point of view and actively understand any consequences.

I looked after a 4yr old boy who didn't like being dressed. Him being dressed or not doesn't impact anyone else so why couldn't he go out naked?

You can, and should when possible, include children in decision making but they are not able to make independent decisions really below the age of 7. And even then, as a parent, I'd still say they were arbitrary.

SomethingFast · 30/08/2022 16:27

One of my sons wanted long hair from around age four, we let him (his body, his choice) and he’s never cut it since, now a teenager with waist long hair. So four is not, imo, too young to know your own mind and express a preference.
It’s only hair, any decisions are very far from permanent!

Blossomtoes · 30/08/2022 16:30

At an age where she is able to see more than one point of view and actively understand any consequences.

What “consequences” would a haircut have? The dressed/undressed analogy is crap, incidentally.

minisoksmakehardwork · 30/08/2022 16:47

Absolutely let your dd have her hair cut shorter if it's a sensory issue.

I veer between short and long hair for similar, sensory, issues. I cut it and grow it until it gets too annoying, then it's short again.

Definitely go for stages though. It would be extreme to go from waist length to pixie in one go and could create sensory issues she isn't yet aware she has.

Apl · 30/08/2022 17:17

Times have changed. Plenty of little girls have a pixie cut. Yabvu forcing your 4 yr old to have all the hassle of looking after long hair if she doesn’t like it.

Just let her have short hair.

Houselamp · 30/08/2022 17:34

My daughter wanted 'shavey hair' wher she was about 5, I thought she meant like a buzz cut but we went through some pictures to get an idea of what she meant. She wanted shorter on the sides and then floppy on top, it looked brilliant on her and she loved it.
She looked like the picture of the girl in orange and then grew it out to a chin length bob, its much easier to grow out with a longer on top style.

To not let DD(4.5) have her hair cut the way that she wants?
To not let DD(4.5) have her hair cut the way that she wants?
TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 30/08/2022 17:37

AbsolutelyLoveIy · 30/08/2022 13:01

Let her have short hair ffs
whats the big deal?

That the FOUR year old is sad & wants it back! At FOUR they have absolutely NO concept of how long it takes to grow back. She hasn't even started school yet, she's FOUR. Let her settle into school, then if she wants to join in having pigtails, plaits, Alice band, ponytail she can if after being at school a while she still wants it short, then maybe, but I'd need to be sure SHE understands how long it'll be before it grows again if SHE changes her mind.

being a parent is about a lot more than just letting them do what they (think) they want.