Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that home schooling is a bit cult like?

358 replies

WobblyWellies · 30/08/2022 00:27

This is purely anecdotal but based on a group of friends who are all home schooling now, it makes me feel like there is a cult like element to it. There's definitely a click amongst the mums. One of my friends in the group has changed quite a bit since she started home schooling. She's almost become a bit militant about the whole thing. She often posts things on social media about how terrible schools are for children and how home schooling is much better. I feel like she's stirring things up. I am in fact a teacher but I don't push school on people I meet or social media, it's totally individual choice how you want your child educated. I'm not sure if my friend is out to convert people.

However, I do see homeschooling as a privilege to a certain extent because it relies on a parent not working (or part time) and is self funded for the majority. My friend has a house with acres of land and woods, she does loads of outdoor learning with her kids which is great but I wouldn't say it's the norm to have that.

So this group of friends are very clicky over homeschooling and it feels like a them and us scenario now.

Aibu to say it's like a cult for some people?

OP posts:
Rickrollme · 30/08/2022 00:28

Yes, from what you’ve described it sounds like your friends are cliquey about homeschooling. I wouldn’t generalize more than that though.

TowerStork · 30/08/2022 00:41

I'm sure it's unfair to many but I associate homeschooling with people who are difficult to deal with.

BettyBoomerangBoo · 30/08/2022 00:44

YABU. You're a teacher, and feeling defensive.

Shrewsbury247 · 30/08/2022 00:50

I’ve found it to be the same…. Cult like.
Those parents that I know who do homeschool are almost evangelical about it.
I find it odd as I wouldn’t rant about the benefits of a traditional school environment to someone I knew homeschooled their children….but ‘each to their own’.

pawkins · 30/08/2022 00:54

I know three people (mums) who homeschool.

One is a teacher who married an incredibly rich man and thinks she can do better than any teachers in any school. She probably can (while her children are as young as they are now). She’s very much in favour of thinking independently and not ‘stifling’ her children. I knew her pre children and she was an incredibly strong willed person who liked things done her way.

The second is a mother who ‘opted out’ of society. She is very anxious around other people and has passed this to her children. She very much wants the children to follow their own path in life. One of her children, at least, would like to attend school but the mother doesn’t want to adhere to a routine schedule of any sort.

The third has one child who left school due to bullying. They tried another school but the daughter had a taste of self educating and liked it. They don’t do schoolwork but focus primarily on creativity.

All three have mothers who don’t wish to conform and who think their way is best. All three are very opinionated about every and any subject and can be prone to removing themselves from society, taking their children with them on their own ‘self journeys’.

It wouldn’t be for me.

Sometimeswinning · 30/08/2022 00:55

I always think its a bit unnatural to homeschool. Sure there are a few individual cases. Buy on the whole I don't get it as a first choice.

Rockbird · 30/08/2022 00:56

We're considering it for our 14yo. She's awaiting assessment for ASD, has been bullied at school and barely attends. I wish to God we weren't having to consider it believe me.

SeptimusWarrenSmith · 30/08/2022 01:04

I think it can be something that people who are a bit fringe-y get drawn to, and I definitely know of a cult-ish group of white supremacists (yes, here in the UK) who homeschool as part of their 'philosophy', but for many others it's a necessity in order that their child's needs can be met. Especially for secondary school pupils, being in an environment where their needs aren't met means they aren't safe. I doubt very much that any such parents view it as a mission or an expression of a belief system or even a choice at all.

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 30/08/2022 01:07

We are planning to home school our children ( 4 year old DD & 7 month old DS) we are in a very fortunate position to be able to do this as many parents who work full time, wouldn't be able to afford the luxury. I don't see it as a ' cult' or as a opting out of society. In terms of statics, privately educating children do better than state educated and actually home schooled children do better on average than privately educated children. I understand school is a service for the mass population, but my DD will definitely thrive with 1 on 1 teaching and not have to compete with 30 children. It is also to be noted that the smart children in the class don't progress fast enough and they can only learn at the pace of the slowest child. My DD has just turned 4 and is already learning what they teach in year 1( age 5 - 6). I think if you have to time, inclination and resources to teach your children yourself, they will be greater achievers and I can't imagine anything better than spending all my time with my children.

Baoing · 30/08/2022 01:07

I know a few homeschool families - I don't see them here at all. Totally normal, no massive agenda about home-ed, it just suits them. The kids are fine, learning well, do lots of groups and have a big group of friends. Not 'evangelical' or school-hating... we all mix very happily. We live in a very home-ed area, so it's a fairly well-trodden pathway.

So, YABU, no cult here. I have seen several anti-home-ed threads recently.

One other thing...

All three have mothers who don’t wish to conform and who think their way is best
There's definitely a click amongst the mums
I know three people (mums) who homeschool

Is it just mums who home educate?

Wafflesnsniffles · 30/08/2022 01:13

Often but not always clicky. Never cult like. To suggest it is culty is to not fully understand the meaning of the word cult I think.

Gruffling · 30/08/2022 01:15

I actually think there are many aspects of mainstream schooling that don't make sense and could be described as cultlike. The way the children all have to wear the same clothes and sit obediently en masse in silence listening to one person in assemblies - what is this really teaching them apart from conformity?

Hairday · 30/08/2022 01:17

The only ones I've met were very religious, down to the mum needing permission from her husband for everything. So yes. But I don't think they were representative.

TheOtherWoman2 · 30/08/2022 01:17

Yes absolutely they give me Mormon vibes

Wafflesnsniffles · 30/08/2022 01:17

You've based your opinion OP on having met one group of people who home ed their kids (who are very unlikely to call what they do "home schooling" btw *) Ive based my opinion (in my comment above) on having met literally hundreds of different home educating families in various areas of the UK across the last 15 years or so.

*Homeschooling....... what its generally called in the US. Or by people in the UK who dont know what they are talking about.
Home Education........what its referred to in law in the UK. And by HErs themselves. People who know about home ed.

Sometimeswinning · 30/08/2022 01:17

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 30/08/2022 01:07

We are planning to home school our children ( 4 year old DD & 7 month old DS) we are in a very fortunate position to be able to do this as many parents who work full time, wouldn't be able to afford the luxury. I don't see it as a ' cult' or as a opting out of society. In terms of statics, privately educating children do better than state educated and actually home schooled children do better on average than privately educated children. I understand school is a service for the mass population, but my DD will definitely thrive with 1 on 1 teaching and not have to compete with 30 children. It is also to be noted that the smart children in the class don't progress fast enough and they can only learn at the pace of the slowest child. My DD has just turned 4 and is already learning what they teach in year 1( age 5 - 6). I think if you have to time, inclination and resources to teach your children yourself, they will be greater achievers and I can't imagine anything better than spending all my time with my children.

I think you pretty much proved the ops point! I've learned this holiday that my kids need school. They need an environment which isn't their home. I need to go back to work aswell!!

Hairday · 30/08/2022 01:18

Yes, people can be cultlike about schools, ranting on about the atmosphere, opportunities, self esteem, community etc. I mean, seriously.

Trying20 · 30/08/2022 01:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

tobee · 30/08/2022 01:22

I feel it sad that, whatever, path you use to educate your children, that exam results are the be all and end all. And if you home educate your children miss out on being with other children, all types of other children, those you get on with and those you don't. As you would have to in later life.

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 30/08/2022 01:28

Sometimeswinning · 30/08/2022 01:17

I think you pretty much proved the ops point! I've learned this holiday that my kids need school. They need an environment which isn't their home. I need to go back to work aswell!!

Show quote history

I don't think my kids need school, I just said that most people don't have the luxury to be able to do it. For example if both parents work full time and need the money, especially in this day and age then they really have no option but to send them to school. I don't agree it's the best place for them though or that it's cult like to home school. As a previous posted said, the children to wear uniforms, sit where they are told, put thier hand up if they need the toilet so in all honesty that is far more cult like than being taught at home. I also don't want my children being taught that transgender is normal, I've heard from friends whose kids go to school, the sorts of things that they have been learning. On a side note I read today that schools may have open 3 days a week due to the energy crisis and they can't afford to keep them warm 5 days a week.

Nekomata · 30/08/2022 01:41

I think it can be really isolating for parents who home educate, so they look for friends who are in a similar situation. People can be very judgmental about HE, so I imagine they are just trying to be positive about the experience.

Trying20 · 30/08/2022 01:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

Creativecrafts · 30/08/2022 01:55

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 30/08/2022 01:07

We are planning to home school our children ( 4 year old DD & 7 month old DS) we are in a very fortunate position to be able to do this as many parents who work full time, wouldn't be able to afford the luxury. I don't see it as a ' cult' or as a opting out of society. In terms of statics, privately educating children do better than state educated and actually home schooled children do better on average than privately educated children. I understand school is a service for the mass population, but my DD will definitely thrive with 1 on 1 teaching and not have to compete with 30 children. It is also to be noted that the smart children in the class don't progress fast enough and they can only learn at the pace of the slowest child. My DD has just turned 4 and is already learning what they teach in year 1( age 5 - 6). I think if you have to time, inclination and resources to teach your children yourself, they will be greater achievers and I can't imagine anything better than spending all my time with my children.

Your daughter is only 4 at the moment. I understand how you can teach her when she is young, but how are you going to cope when she's a teenager? Are you able to teach maths, sciences, languages, to GCSE and A level standards? Won't she need specialist teachers for those subjects?

FlorettaB · 30/08/2022 01:57

I agree that those who homeschool through choice from the start can seem very cult-like but lots of parents who end up homeschooling (in the U.K. anyway) are doing it out of necessity not choice. Their DC aren’t having their needs met in school or are desperately unhappy in school. For them, homeschooling is a response to a problem rather than a proactive choice.

For me, school is about socialisation. A bright child could learn faster at home with one to one teaching but what benefit is there to the child sitting a maths GCSE at 9 rather than 16? School allows for emotional development, feeling connected to a peer group, forming friendships, negotiating their way through conflicts, having a whole world of their own independent from home and learning to cooperate with others. That’s valuable. If school doesn’t work for a child, if it’s causing them anxiety and making them unhappy, then obviously homeschooling is the better option.

FlorettaB · 30/08/2022 02:01

’I can't imagine anything better than spending all my time with my children’

That sounds stifling and unhealthy to me.