To think that home schooling is a bit cult like?

[WobblyWellies]

This is purely anecdotal but based on a group of friends who are all home schooling now, it makes me feel like there is a cult like element to it. There's definitely a click amongst the mums. One of my friends in the group has changed quite a bit since she started home schooling. She's almost become a bit militant about the whole thing. She often posts things on social media about how terrible schools are for children and how home schooling is much better. I feel like she's stirring things up. I am in fact a teacher but I don't push school on people I meet or social media, it's totally individual choice how you want your child educated. I'm not sure if my friend is out to convert people.

However, I do see homeschooling as a privilege to a certain extent because it relies on a parent not working (or part time) and is self funded for the majority. My friend has a house with acres of land and woods, she does loads of outdoor learning with her kids which is great but I wouldn't say it's the norm to have that.

So this group of friends are very clicky over homeschooling and it feels like a them and us scenario now.

Aibu to say it's like a cult for some people?

@OldWivesTale I totally see that. I tutored a girl who was being home schooled as she was an anxious school refuser. I don't believe the answer was for her to stay at home ultimately but I think she needed more support from the school, maybe counselling. Her mum also needed support in how to manage the situation. So yes, schools don't always get it right unfortunately.

One thing I will add is that some of the hone educated children I’ve met, who are encouraged to ‘express themselves’, are just damn rude. I’m all for letting children have a voice but they do also need to learn how to function in society. I also know some lovely home educated children.

I failed miserably in lockdown with trying to home school so perhaps that’s tainted my view. I just simply couldn’t do it with three school aged children and a toddler clamouring for my attention. We’re all different, I suppose, and someone’s idea if hell is someone else’s dream come true! 🤣

Just like in any group there will be some that are extreme, so perhap cultist, and others that aren't. I know an American family that home school (I think the children did start at school, if I remember right, but then switched to home school), they don't seem cultish to me at all, they were a military family so moving around a lot so I suppose home schooling (well, mix of home school and online school) seemed better than constantly moving schools.

Its not really done in my country, its legal but very rare, probably because you have to follow the curriculum but no free access to books etc. so would be quite costly, and then the children will have to be assessed regularly to make sure they are learning what they need to for their age, and because some of the reasons people might choose to homeschool wouldn't apply e.g. SEN, because SEN provision is fairly good as far as I know (low threshold for help), or to avoid big classes of 30 children all wearing the same thing sitting in rows in assemblies (small classes here, DD's class is just 14 children, no uniforms and assemblies aren't a thing, nor is calling teachers Sir and Miss or ridiculous rules and punishments). But I do have a friend who wanted to, as she isn't keen on the way schools are here, she tried for a bit but it was too difficult. No home school groups to join for support and help or anything like that.

Excuse the typos; I can actually spell. 🤨

Me too and in my experience, the children who are home schooled are significantly behind academically when their parents realise they can't actually teach then and they end up at school anyway.

Disclaimer- in my experience- not saying everyone.

Adults always have more choice than children. They may not be able to choose the ideal set-up, but they certainly have more say in the matter than children who have no choice but to go to the school of their parents choosing.

And I say that as someone who earns considerably below the national average and who deliberately picked a career that involved minimal interaction with people, even though I knew it wouldn't make me much money 🤷🏻‍♀️

Can I just say that I did start this thread by say this was purely anecdotal. This is the only group of home schooling mums I know and my impression of cult like has come from that. Of course, not everyone is the same.

These mums are largely home schooling for the alternative experience, apart from one, it's not for SEN or medical reasons.

Also, I'm not saying homeschooling is wrong. It isn't wrong, it's alternative choice. But what I am saying, is why be so militant about it?

I'm sad because I feel like it's changed my friendship with this one friend in particular. I've never shown anything other support and interest in her home schooling. But she chooses to socialise herself with the other home ed mums a lot now. They've all become very close, very quickly it seems.

I know a home school mum her husband is very rich so she can afford to do it. She is very militant about it and had a massive rant about it on Facebook basically slagging off people who send their kids to school. She was met with quite a few alternative comments and blocked anyone who didn't agree with her, me included!!. From her Instagram posts her days mostly consist of eating out in cafes with always the hashtag 'toocoolforschool'. For what it's worth I would love to be able to homeschool, my dd is autistic and loathes school but as a single working mum I can't. I'm always amused on the Autism pages on Facebook when I talk of our school struggles and am always met with 'take her out of school' if only that was an option for me !!

@londonrach I did wonder that. May e my friend is posting loads about home ed on social media because she's insecure about it and needs validation? I don't know? Or maybe it's just a novelty for her atm.

It's strange how many people have drawn likenesses to veganism. My friend is also vegan and fiercely into animal rights. She hates 'the system' in general. Can this all go with some home ed parents?

@hop321 Teachers aren't perfect you know, especially when they're making threads at 12.30am at night due to night feeding a baby! But thank you for pointing that out, I shall now remember it forever all thanks to you 🤣

Yes, some home educating parents are also vegan

Proving the OP’s point completely. Your children are too special to go to school.

^^ This.

I had similar with NCT friends who were raving about how essential nursery is for 9 month olds and that this was a superior choice than having family/Childminder care. I assumed it was a way of justifying their choice, when in reality, like most things, it's horses for courses and no one way is superior to another.

You're a teacher and you write click instead of clique?!

When someone talks about "cults" it makes me think if people who are all dressed the same, males often wearing trousers and females skirts.

They all do the same thing at the same time, not much individuality.

If you break the rules there are consequences. For children it might be things like not being allowed out to play, or having to go and speak to the leader of the "cult" .

Children are separated from parents and are taught by selected and specially trained cult members according to a strict schedule set by high ranking cult members.

In a lot of these "cults" people have to ask permission to go to the toilet

Unless it’s for reasons like serious bullying, serious illness or SEN (and this should be addressed more seriously by the local council for better provision) then I have no time for it whatsoever. It’s an attempt to control your own children in my view- they need to socialise with others their own age (and the same set of 30 kids) and see outside of home/ parents daily. I’ve seen too many aged 7/8 in our area (it’s a hotspot for it, clearly a newish fad) spending all morning in a play gym- you can’t tell me that’s the same as a child who spends the morning doing English and Maths. Their parents tend to be the arrogant type who have been bankrolled by mum and dad and not accomplished much for themselves other than kicking against the privileges they have- not a generalization, very frequent here. Certainly not people I’d want to have sole responsibility for educating me.

I’ve been home educating my lot for about 15 years now. I’ve just got to get the youngest one through GCSEs and I’ll be done. The older ones are at college, working full time/doing OU degree and a graduate working full time so they’re doing ok.

Some home educators are militant though this is sometimes because their wider family/friends are very critical and they’re defensive. Some HE parents are aggressively Vegan, some are smug, some are evangelical about their religion, some are managing MH issues for them and their kids. The vast, vast majority are just anxious about doing their best.
I’m sorry your friendship group has changed. They might calm down a bit as time goes on.

I homeschooled my daughter since she was 13 (due to illness & extreme bullying), and I definitely wasn’t in some cult-like clique (in fact, I eschewed all that bollocks).

I’m lucky as I trained as a teacher, and my son’s Dad trained as a secondary English & Drama teacher so DH & I pulled him in to tutor her (not weird, we worked bloody hard for a ‘no animosity’ relationship for the benefit of my son when I met my now DH, even if I wouldn’t piss on my ex if he was on fire).

But we also spent a bloody fortune for online tutoring for the GCSE syllabi with Oxford Learning, lead by my daughter who guided her education (starting all of her GCSEs a year early to boot).

Maybe it’s because I am trained I have a different view of how to home educate whilst still providing an enriched environment for my daughter, rather than go utterly free range like the local home educators do. Not that it’s particularly wrong in anyway of course, but we very much let our daughter lead her home learning experience.

She’s 25 now, and concurrently with her tutoring she spent hours developing her art interests (something she has done since she was old enough to hold a pencil), and at 14 was selling her art worldwide & is now an illustrator who is invited to speak at conferences around the world. Online, as she still is allergic to bloody light, but she’s achieved that all on her own.

It all depends on your children & making the best decisions based on their wants and needs. Some children want to follow a more classic education route (like my daughter), others are more free range. Our local HE group was a bit too free range & looked like an excuse for the parents to do sod all & let their kids rule the roost. And, yeah, it was clique-y & to be honest.

Also, I'm not saying homeschooling is wrong. It isn't wrong, it's alternative choice. But what I am saying, is why be so militant about it?

Because when people feel judged and criticised, they get defensive and feel like they have something to prove.

Look at all the judgement on here - according to most posters, homeschoolers are weirdo anti-vaxxers who are raising their kids in a cult where they'll never learn social skills or how to cope in the real world.

If your parenting choices were constantly bashed and attacked, you'd probably feel pretty defensive and militant too.

I absolutely see a place for home education where there are SEN or other issues where a suitable school can’t be found. However, to home educate because your children are too special to go to school, just no.

I think the degree of vehemence for any explanation usually equates to a pack of confidence in the decision taken

My 1st thought was I hope OP doesn't teach English

I am not saying there’s not times when home education is a fair option (SEN etc) and I know parents can feel forced out of the education system by very poor support.
I also personally have many criticisms of the education system and the curriculum and I’m a teacher.

However… I definitely think home education can be a result of parents’ anxieties which then shut down a huge, huge part of a child’s life. And I find that incredibly sad. It definitely can be cult-y.

I have a friend from before kids, who decided to home Ed, and through her I've met a group of home edders. The kids are all still quite young and they all decided home Ed from the start, some before the kid was even born, so for this particular group it's ideologically driven not a reaction to kids needs.

I've definitely seen the type of behaviour op describes, and lots of Facebook posts shared about how school is traumatic/ damaging / abusive to children. They're all 'alternative' anti establishment types, and the 'education' seems to be based around unschooling & child interest lead (my opinion is, there is a place for this but 5yo's don't know what there is to be interested in without some input).

When the kids were younger we had quite a lot of overlap with gentle patenting, extended breastfeeding and baby carrying. But they all seem to take things to extreme, so while I stopped the latter 2 at around 2-3 years, a lot of this group are still going at 5+, and their kids seem to be babies in other ways aswell. To the extent DFriends 8yo is at a similar level to my 5yo, while her 5yo is still treated like a toddler and grouped with my 2yo when we meet up.