To think that home schooling is a bit cult like?

[WobblyWellies]

This is purely anecdotal but based on a group of friends who are all home schooling now, it makes me feel like there is a cult like element to it. There's definitely a click amongst the mums. One of my friends in the group has changed quite a bit since she started home schooling. She's almost become a bit militant about the whole thing. She often posts things on social media about how terrible schools are for children and how home schooling is much better. I feel like she's stirring things up. I am in fact a teacher but I don't push school on people I meet or social media, it's totally individual choice how you want your child educated. I'm not sure if my friend is out to convert people.

However, I do see homeschooling as a privilege to a certain extent because it relies on a parent not working (or part time) and is self funded for the majority. My friend has a house with acres of land and woods, she does loads of outdoor learning with her kids which is great but I wouldn't say it's the norm to have that.

So this group of friends are very clicky over homeschooling and it feels like a them and us scenario now.

Aibu to say it's like a cult for some people?

@OperaStation Thank you, that's a good point about girl's schools, particularly. It's horrible to see a local girl's name on a bus stop with obscene comments and drawings.I do take it on board that I need to look for ways to broaden my children's understanding of deprivation, but I feel they work on that by attending local activities, youth clubs and perhaps doing voluntary work when they are older.

Ask Rushi how his career and life has panned out without having any working class friends … seems to be going ok so far

I'm talking about similarities in all the different dimensions of diversity with respect to school pupils.

Where I live is overwhelmingly middle-class. Mainly white. Those who aren't white are still middle-class.
Politically it's also overwhelmingly Conservative.
The catchment area for the school covers 3 well-to-do estates; At least one of them (possibly all of them) is known to have a high average income per household.
The school has a really low eligibility rate for free school meals.
It's the sort of place where people rent for 6 months to get into the school.

All the children do the same sort of middle-class hobbies and clubs after school.

I'm not particularly denigrating this - obviously we fit this demographic ourselves, to a certain extent.

But it has to be said that the only diversity going on here is the colour of the cars on the driveways.

That's why it is mystifying that having friends all living in a very similar house to you, with parents in similar jobs/careers to your parents, doing the same clubs and hobbies as you would be seen as more diverse than a hanging out with a bunch of people from different countries, speaking different languages in some cases, with different incomes, different housing - and different personalities).

You might "see" 200 people (which I concede is more than a home-ed meet or even a trip) at school but you're not going to be interacting with them all, so the fact that they all have different personalities is somewhat academic if you only speak to 20 of them in any meaningful way.

The staff may be a little bit more diverse, I'll give you that, though, but the pupils aren't going to be making friends with the staff.

Regarding the hobbies thing, I think that was another poster's point but I guess that if people are coming together just on the basis of a hobby, provided that hobby is relatively accessible, you might at least get people of slightly more varied backgrounds doing it.

I really wouldn’t worry too much. If that’s how the boys treated the girls at my local school I wouldn’t send my daughter there.

True! No school is selling itself based on the lower incomes and greater free-school-meals entitlement of some of its pupils.

There would be uproar if the local school decided to become more diverse by attracting families of different socio-economic backgrounds.

The families who live here have all bought houses specifically to be in this catchment area, lobbied the council to stop changes to the catchment area and generally done everything to maintain the demographic of white middle class offspring who do rugby, ballet and piano lessons. Black and Asian are acceptable - preferably if your child is an overachiever - but definitely still middle class, please.

So, yeah, it is a little odd that home educators have to bend over backwards to prove that their home educated children are Experiencing Diversity.

I'm pretty sure that the average school pupil in our local school hasn't met child who has been "in and out of care" either.
Literally nobody is worried if Peter and Sophie don't have any Muslim friends.

Around here the home Ed families congregate around the pre school activities like Forrest school and the museum play group. Baffles me why parents do this with much older children.
The parents always say the same thing - oh little Johnny has loads of friends. No, you just know lots of other home Ed families and that's who you let him socialise with.

I find home Ed incredibly insular and controlling.

I spent my life meeting so many insular people who avoided me or spoke down to meet because I was different. It actually really matters to me @MiddleOfHere my kids aren’t part of that. Totally happy to be an outsider to that world. Happy as in a good social life happy too.

Most of those I know who are home educating are somewhat desperate and fall into it because the state system is totally unsuitable for so many children.

I think if you only ask the parents you naturally get a biased view of home education for good or bad.

I met a surprising number of former Home Ed kids at uni and they were all pretty different in terms of background (although they all got into a good uni which is a certain selection criteria in itself.)

A few seemed successful ones, as in enjoyed HomeEd and had good relationships with their parents. Two were really child prodigy types whose parents had let them excel at music and art respectively. One American Christian girl and then another few who HomeEd after illness or because of moving - basically pragmatic reasons - who seemed mostly happy but balanced about it.

The opposite of that are still my close friends. One girl, her older sister had been Home Ed due to ASD and then she'd also been kept home and made to feel bad about asking to go to Sixth Form eventually. My other friend, his parents were incredibly hippy and anti establishment - to the extent they'd tried not to register the births of some of his younger siblings. He was incredibly bright, studying philosophy but really struggled with uni, with authority and deadlines but also with not knowing how to fit in.

My female friend thinks her mother had such an awful time with her sister that she became anti school and couldn't see clearly and thought she was doing the right thing. My male friend went no contact with his parents in his twenties and continues to be incredibly angry at them for essentially trying to raise their children as a social experiment and also very distrustful that no-one tried to step in to look after him and his siblings.

Exactly this. No one is worrying about my children not having Muslim friends and poor friends because I chose the most white, middle class, over achieving local school for them. My choice was based on the best exam results, that is all. And if they get into the local grammar they will be sheltered again from lower socio-economic groups. Yet I’m not being accused of stifling my children’s opportunities to mix with diverse groups.

The irony of this thread is so many of the groups mumsnet users are not bothering about are actually more likely to get their children into university. When they think banding together makes them better

I don't know if we're unusual - I don't think we are though, to be honest.
We'd go to a lot of things, though, so perhaps we met more than most.
(and we don't really fit in into any of the neat "camps" of unschooler, religious etc... we just got on with things)

The alcoholic's children did all sorts. Alcoholic doesn't mean non-functioning and it doesn't always mean falling down drunk at all times of the day. We used to see them once a week at gymnastics.

Horse-riding ran for a few months and was attended by a real mix of children, including the previously mentioned child.

You think it's tosh that children and families from completely different backgrounds would attend such things or even go to them at all. But that's possibly because you're looking at it from your own perspective.
"Significant disadvantage" doesn't necessarily mean lacking in parental concern, for example. And in some cases home-education can overcome other disadvantages.
That family had various issues to cope with. But none of them impeded the parental desire to want the best outcomes for their children, even if they weren't in a position to deliver financially on everything. If I recall correctly, their children had to take it in turns to do things but as I say, I didn't enquire in detail as to how they were affording it.

Anyway, the most important things for a home education activity is it economically viable (ie that enough people sign up for it to cover the cost)
Generally, no one is worried about who else is signed up for it or who is talking to who (unless there are actual issues or an intense dislike between the children), much less worry about the social class or background of the children.

That you can't conceive of families from very difficult backgrounds just rubbing along together at something is unfortunate.
All I can say is that there's less class snobbery in home-education; possibly that is because the lines of demarcation are drawn elsewhere.

Home educators might have issues (and also hardly any common ground at times) but mostly they actually do something in relation to the actual education of their children, even if other areas of their lives are in disarray.

Aw.

I find it interesting that so many people have picked up on the OP using click not clique but have ignored other errors.

For example.

Statics rather than statistics
Counties rather than countries
Cord rather than chord

Also why is anyone surprised someone taught in a small group performs better than someone taught in a large group?

Why would she/he be defensive? The more home school kids the smaller class sizes.

I agree with the cult like nature of it.

Mention the fact that home schooling is used by abusers and forced marriages and we shall see who is defensive.

When I was younger the school bully types who disliked foreigners @MiddleOfHere bothered me. Now the ‘aw’ is comical, we’ve all grown up. Remember that.

The amount of prejudice and misunderstanding about home education from some posters is shocking. Little wonder some home ed parents stick with like minded people and are defensive of their choices!

The home ed community are a diverse bunch who have strong opinions and don’t always see eye to eye. Some are very anti establishment, sometimes but by no means always, with good reason.

I have been home educating my 15 yo for a year. It wasn’t a decision taken lightly and I did lots of research before committing. DS missed a lot of school in years 8 and 9 through ill health. We had some support from the school/LA but it was limited and I was concerned about their approach to gcses had the absence continued. School were supportive but had limited resources and a thousand other students to worry about. ‘Lets see how it goes’ wasn’t specific enough for us.

i work full time, and am a single mum so we use online courses and resources. I facilitate and motivate rather than teach the academic stuff. I take time off when needed, both paid and unpaid to be more present. Learning doesn’t have to take place 9-3 Mon to Fri. He rarely starts much before lunch and can continue into the evening or on weekends when needed. He largely self studies. Less hours are needed overall as there is none of the faffing about you have in school. We also do non academic stuff like PHSE and life skills.

There are lots of advantages to home ed. He would say he enjoys choosing which subjects to learn and how to learn them, working at his own pace (be that faster or slower than his peers) and not having to deal with idiots. He won’t entertain going to any home ed meet ups but does attend an activity on the weekend and will be starting another soon. He keeps in touch with friends from school.

He has just passed his first two gcses with grades 7 and 8. He will take 3 or 4 more next year and intends to go to college or 6th form and then uni. His health has improved and he is full of plans.

I try not to go on about it all but my lovely friends are interested and ask loads of questions. I am not an anti-vaxer nor am I anti school. If not for his health problems he would still be in school. I don’t think I am particularly weird. I am just doing what I believe is best for DS.

I used to think this. Then I taught in primary schools for 8 years, and I saw the attraction of home schooling!

I think they used to give off a cult like impression but things have moved on.
From what I have seen, home schooling is increasing in popularity.
I think there’s a place for everything to be honest - state school, private school, forest school, Montessori, etc.

@Scarlettpixie Thank you for sharing that. Your son sounds very motivated and as if he is doing so well. I think your commitment is really impressive, especially as a full time working mother. My 12 year old is keen to study IGCSE Human Biology with an online course, as it's her passion, so it's encouraging to hear of someone who has achieved GCSEs in this way.

That is freedom - that parents can choose (whether home education, children mixing with lots of different people or not). It should and is the parents' choice just as I chose single sex fee paying day schools for my children from age 4 - 18 - my choice.

I am glad we do not live in a country that bans home education(I think Germany does for example).

Wealth stealth boast @Xenia?
😄

As far as I'm aware, each child got to choose something. So one chose horse riding and one chose dance. I don't know what the others chose and it is possible that the very youngest sibling was too little to actually do anything.

Horse riding was booked in blocks. I vaguely remember saying that the Mum could pay weekly, although everyone else was paying for four weeks in one go.
I effectively "underwrote" their horse-riding, should she ever have failed to pay up (which she didn't).

I don't know how the dance worked because none of mine did that but it was happening at the same time (by that I mean the same weeks) as horse-riding.

You're quite right, mine did not really meet the younger siblings as the age-gap happened to be too great. But they would have met other children at other things instead, just like mine would have met others at the other things they were doing.

Although horse-riding was quite a "big-ticket" thing (dance would have cost much less) there are lots of home-ed things that are free or almost free, such as park meets, co-ops and some study groups, arts & crafts, hall meets, so those things were also open to that family, too of course.

We took the "horseriding child" to a one or two other (one-off) things and they also attended a much much cheaper co-op/study group type of thing that we and some other families did every week.

Home-ed activities aren't permanent and static and guaranteed to be there for the next sibling.
Activities come and go (because the home-educator who is organising it stops wanting to do it, or the business or venue themselves choose to stop or it stops being viable because too many people fail to sign up for the next "block")
This is another reason why horse-riding in home-education isn't quite the same as the big financial commitment that signing up to for pony club would be. You can nearly always pull out when the next block comes around, if you need to, which just gives people a bit of reassurance. (There was also no kit to purchase either, the hat hire was included/free and everyone just wore suitable normal clothes)

Anyway, by the time the next sibling gets to the sort of age as the older sibling was, there would be something else on offer: perhaps climbing or trampolining.
There's also the option for any family to organise something themselves.
So if that family's younger sibling had wanted to do horseriding and it wasn't already running, they (the family) were free to organise it themselves and negotiate payment etc...

I'll also mention, because it seems kind of relevant: some of the loveliest acts of generosity and support that I've witnessed have been carried out by home-educators for other home-educators, in times of difficulty and that does seem to cross socio-economic boundaries at times.

I don't know for sure, it is very possible, likely even, that that family received help or support from other home-educators.

I think that it is much easier to home educate now than it was when DD was small. There is so much online provision and other learning resources available.

As I said upthread I chose not to home educate because I didn't want to and, luckily, I didn't need to. DD went to the local and excellent state primary school, then the nearest (very good) state comprehensive school where she received an excellent and rounded education.

The schools she went to provided far more than I could ever have.