To think this dog isn't our/DHs responsibility?

[Dogg0]

DHs ex has a dog from when they were together. They purchased him as a puppy when they were together not long before they separated. He's about 8 now I think. Me and DH been together 6 years, married for two. We have a one year old baby together.

DH and his ex were never married but she wanted to keep the dog when they separated. DH was upset about it but agreed and she's had the dog since, he'd been with them around a year-ish before they separated. He's not really seen other than at the odd pick up for their DC, this dog since, never contributed toward it or anything like that.

Ex needs to get a new rental as her landlord is selling. She's struggling to find a rental that will take this dog and is insisting DH needs to take him as he's 'both their responsibility'.

We are not in the position for a dog. We own our house so not an issue with a landlord or anything but we have a baby, he works all day, I work part time (very part time, only 1 day a week) but I have no desire to be looking after a dog as well as a baby.

AIBU in thinking a dog is the responsibility of whoever kept it after the separation and you can't just demand it's your exes responsibility 8 years later when it doesn't work out for you? Or is this dog just always supposed to be DHs responsibility whenever she demands it despite not being able to see it really for the last 8 years.

Absolutely ridiculous.

She is a chancer and a CF.

Tell your husband she's not the only one who will be flat hunting if he tries to put pressure on you.

Dogs are a big commitment when you really want them, not to be entertained for a minute if you don't.

I agree. Sometimes morals need to kick in. Can you compromise? Dog walker some days? She has dog some days?
It's pretty awful to rehome a dog at that age and not nice for the DC too. I'd say you and Dh can step up here.

Landlords aren't going to do spot checks and freak out if dog is in the house for the day (& I say that AS a landlord.

Landlords aren't going to do spot checks and freak out if dog is in the house for the day (& I say that AS a landlord.

In that case she can keep the dog with her all of the time, and just hide the dog when the landlord comes over.

No real need for OP to take on responsibility for a dog she doesn't walk and has had no hand in training, with a baby to look after.

Yes OP, you must take the dog that you had no hand in obtaining, even though it will be you looking after it and you don’t want it. Be a good girl and stop moaning. Your baby and choices come second.

Shortly someone will come along and tell you that you should have thought of this when you chose to marry a man who once owned a dog.

No fucking way I'd be taking on that dog as well as a baby.
My elderly dog passed last year and we have been totally firm with the children that we won't be getting another while they live at home. The last years were hell with incontinence and he was blind and deaf, tripping us all over. He refused to go outside at all!
Of course you will be expected to suck it up and do all the work.
Running out there to pick up poo before your DC get to it. Ugh.
House stinking of dog.
Don't even let it get one paw in the door, not temporarily. Not ever!

Come on OP. I get you do not want the dog which is fair enough, but I'm pretty sure if she could find accommodation she would keep the poor thing. To say it "just doesn't work for her anymore" is totally unreasonable.

I would personally take the dog but I'm a dog lover.

One is off to Uni, I doubt there are any halls that let you take a dog, the other is only off to college, so hardly likely to be leaving home

@Dogg0 8 years us getting in fir a boxer, so it's not going to be years & years of commitment. Boxers are lovely. What a shame this wasn't a month ago, my friend woukd have fostered him, but she's just got a new puppy.

I think if DH wants to do it, you should. There's no way I'd allow it to be PTS if I were him. BUT he HAS to get up & take it for a walk before he goes to work & walk it when he gets home. Then any other walks are up to you.

on the day you work he needs to organise burrow my doggy/daycare/whatever it needs, it might even be ok while you're at work. Boxers that age sleep a LOT.

they really are lovely dogs!

I do think his ex if being really manipulative, saying it's both their responsibility when she wouldn't do 'shared care' from the beginning, but I TOTALLY understand HOW DESPERATE she is & the things you'll say to get your way when it comes to your loved pet, and it's not like she's moving for fun or has loads of housing options.

I wonder if she's asked her parents, siblings, other family & friends or gone straight to DH? Maybe that's a conversation you could have with him. But honestly 8 is old for a boxer, it's not like you're going to be tied for years & years!!

We lost one of our boxers at 9 years old a few months ago, and the thought of an elderly one being put into a shelter breaks my heart. They are amazing dogs - if you have the time and inclination for a dog, you would get a lot of love and entertainment back!

BUT they are expensive dogs to feed properly, insure and look after. If you feel unable to commit, would the ex consider handing the dog to a rescue? Not sure where in the country you are but there's a few up north - Joeys boxer rescue, Northern Rose boxer rescue and Boxer Dog Rescue North East

But honestly 8 is old for a boxer, it's not like you're going to be tied for years & years!!

Okay, well this may sound harsh but.. that just means we end up with the "joys" of an elderly dog. She's had years of owning a young, fun, loving dog and we get the vet fees, the pissing and shitting everywhere (I remember that well when my parents dog got very old) etc.. and eventually the joy of being the ones to have to make the decision of having it pts and all the rest of the crap that comes when your dog gets old.

I honestly don't know what her solution should be but I don't feel it's for me to fix. It would be such a massive change to our current lives.

As PPs are suggesting she could look after it but it "lives at our house", I don't get why she couldn't just do this anyway? Just say she doesn't have a dog and move in with it if as PPs have suggested, it wouldn't be a problem her looking after if all day.

I am aware I probably sound very harsh and cold, I'm not. I have loved every pet I've ever had and cared for them well. But I don't want this one, the practicalities are just shit whichever way you look at it.

I'm also more than happy to suggest to DH he works with her to find a decent rescue and he doesn't go somewhere he'll be PTS. He can help in whatever way he likes, apart from having him come live with us.

If you can even find a rescue to take him. All rescues are full to the brim. She may find somewhere to live with him. Just keep your fingers crossed.

Nope it is 100% ex's responsibility to sort this out. She insisted on having it, no shared ownership.

Now it is inconvenient to her she feels it can be offloaded to others by whatever tenuous link she can think of. Will she contribute to the costs etc? Expect visiting rights? A firm no needed here.

A dog is a sentinel life form, just like a human. Ie we're all animals together.

When a relationship breaks down, animals can be part of tge agreement, but I've never seen the cost of pets in court orders, so stop with that. It's irrelevant.

Your DH obviously had feelings for the dog and the dog no doubt has feelings for him. So, whilst I think his ex is OOO - she can find a rental, she needs to talk to all the estate agents locally, they will find one for her - but I do think your DH has a responsibility for the dog - a dog is part of the family, he is part of the dogs pack and vice versa.

Don't you care what happens to the dog? Because it's a dog? IMO this is biggest human failing, thinking we are better than other animals. That's why the earth is in a mess, so I think YABU.

btw I have 3 dogs - all owned by my DCs but obviously I look after them and dogs are no more work than having a child and they are brilliant for kids.

you think taking on a dog who will have massive separation anxiety who could live for who knows how long, with a small child is a minor inconvinience??

What happens when Ex moves again and wants him back? who pays for everything that comes with a dog? Who walks it, feeds it, picks up after it?

You're bonkers if you think that isnt a freaking massive ask.

But thats on their Mother.
Its their mothers dog.

Not their dads, certainly not their stepmothers.

if consequences come up - they land firmly on the mother.

It's not emotional blackmail to state that decisions in this situation are likely to have consequences.

It’s emotional blackmail to say that OP should take on a dog she’s had no hand in, because it was DSC’s dog, as if she is responsible for their happiness before her own.

But the dog will be important to the children. If it was my children’s dog and a dog I’d taken on with my ex, I’d do whatever I had to to look after the dog. My partner would happily take the dog on though, I wouldn’t have chosen to spend my life with such a heartless person. That’s on the dad, he chose someone that thinks very differently about animals to him.

My cousin was at the same situations a few years ago. In their case the dog went to husbands parents. They didn't want it but were made feel so guilty (cause grand kids loved the dog) so now they have a dog

A boxer at 8 won’t last much longer, but no way should you take it. She wanted it when they split, she can keep it.

DH and his ex were never married but she wanted to keep the dog when they separated. DH was upset about it but agreed

Any chance this is why she insisted on having the dog?

So far OP you haven't said anything about how your DH feels. What's his take on it? If he wants to take the dog in I don't think you can stop him. But you can insist that he does everything needed, including walks.

It's their child's dog? So they would be upset to lose it surely. Think I'd take the dog for the child's sake.

Not your circus bit your monkey (nor dog!)

That's another no way vote!

You are not harsh OP.

This simply has NOTHING to do with you.

Yes, she could. Or have some sort of 'dog share' arrangement. What has DH said OP? It sounds like It's a lovely dog and I think it would be a real shame for DH, the children and the dog if you didn't step up here. Some agreement could be come to-will ex agree to contribute to vets bills when the dog's older? And/or food if you take it for her? Will she agree to have it if you want to go away somewhere or out for the day?

*not (not bit!!!)