FIL expects me to serve his son

[Daisypowers]

Because I don't wait around on DP hand and foot like a 1950s housewife, FIL (69) thinks I'm lazy and a bad girlfriend. Whenever I'm there (this weekend for example) he will make little comments now and then. This weekend DP wanted to clean his walking boots in the garden, and FIL said 'oh maybe Daisypowers can do that for you' and gestured to me. Another time DP said he was going to make himself a sandwich after playing tennis and FIL said 'Daisypowers can do that for you, have a rest.' At the time I'd just sat down in the garden with a cup of tea to read my book after doing the food shop for everyone and deheading MIL's rose bushes because she's got a bad shoulder.

Me and DP are 35, both working full time, no kids, and do an equal share of everything domestically at home. DP perfectly capable of making a sandwich for himself. Both MIL and FIL quite old fashioned and MIL does absolutely everything for FIL - all the cooking, cleaning, puts out clothes for him to wear every morning, packs his suitcase for him when he goes on holiday etc. Should I say something? Really annoys me.

just ask DP to make you a sandwich/clean your boots while he is doing his.

But 69? Born mid-50s - hardly that old to gave such dated opinions?

The answer to him saying “Daisypowers can do that for you” is I can, but I’m not going to.
FIL once said to us “I don’t know why you can’t just get married in a registry office”. I said “ we can, but we’re not going to”. End of discussion.

It's not age-related, sounds like cultural expectations.

It’s a misogynistic man child Twat thing.

Nail on head. And an accurate description of fil. Mind mil isn't much better 🙄

Oh, yes, must be those pesky foreigners 🙄

Plenty of misogyny in this country Georgy

Why are you spending so much time with PILs? Because with that attitude I'd cut back.

What is your partners response to his Dad ?

I get really pissed off with ageist comments like this on MN . Fil is 69 , not much older than me , younger than my DH and neither of us would dream of commenting like that . I can’t imagine my 98 year old uncle saying this either .

Agree, it’s not a generation thing.

OP, your boyfriend should bat the suggestion back every time, however may not be a bad idea if you have a smart ass retort : how nice he doesn’t need me to- you guys taught him well…. Hey, you’re his parent, crack on etc

I'd just say 'he's perfectly capable of doing it himself' and end the conversation there. Cannot stand that kind of talk. Hope your DP says to him that he can do things for himself.

Tell him that if he thinks his son is so incompetent he can’t make a sandwich, then maybe FIL could make him one.

And 69 is not old ... he's just a lazy fucker who thinks a Women's
place is in the kitchen.

Generation thing !! my husband and I are nearly the same age as your DP parents I would throw something at him if he spoke like that, especially to a "guest" in our home, no way would I expect someone to run around after an adult child of mine make or female.

What does your partner say in response?

It’s definitely not a generational thing. My parents and in laws and people I work with are that age and would never dream of saying that. Misogyny isn’t a generational thing sadly or it would have died out by now!

What ever the reason it's sexist.

My MIL once had a massive go for not having my then husband's dinner on the table at 8pm.
I had got up at 5am walked the dogs etc and done the animals, got the children up at 6.30am -DH had got up at 6.30 and got HIMSELF READY and then buggered off to work at 7.30am. I dropped the kids at nursery and we did the same job -except I was higher up than him. I worked flat out doing work in my lunchbreak etc and DH finished same time as me and went for a run. MEanwhile I picked up the kids, did their activities, we both arrived home at 6pm. I got the kids meal ready and got them ready for bed.
At 8pm. I sat down to FINISH my work. Meanwhile DH had done no parenting, no cleaning, no animals and completed all his job and his hobby.
I never got to do mine and she ranted about how I needed to get his meal ready for him, he agreed. We are divorced.

I wouldn’t call it a ‘generational’ thing - only IMO a small minority of prehistorically minded people would have such attitudes - especially nowadays.

My long gone DF would never of dreamt of it - he was born in 1916 - and nor would any other of that generation who I’ve known personally.

I do hesitate to blame mothers and wives, but IMO they’re generally the ones who foster and allow this sort of nonsense.

Of course there is the option I took when I was being bothered by my FiL which was swear at him loudly...my sil's face was a picture. My Mil used to smirk when I got shirty.

I'm not sure I'd be that rude again but he never listened to me and was always following me around, trying to manage me...

"Whenever I'm there (this weekend for example) he will make little comments now and then."
Where is 'there'? Are you and DP visiting his parents, or are his parents visiting your DP? Or does DP still live with his parents?

Trying to get a handle on how DP's dad is there to make his little comments.

My FIL is like this (although a decade older). He literally does nothing in the house. MIL spends her entire day running about after him, making him cups of tea, cooking, cleaning, tidying, ironing. While he sits in his chair and watches telly.

He thinks I am the worst wife ever because I will not do the same for DH. DH to be fair does not expect me to. If FIL says "shouldn't you be making him a coffee Airpods" he usually gets some snippy comment asking why, has DH lost the use of his legs?

I’d just laugh at him when he says it , no point getting into an argument as it’s not even generational at his age . My husband is in his 60s and he doesn’t have such outdated views . As long as your partner doesn’t expect you to fall into that type of role at some point it’s not worth getting worked up about .

Thank you. Spot on!

Another IT'S NOT A GENERATIONAL THING

@Bonbon21 and @NovaDeltas are you very young?

Excuse me! I'm 73, and I don't know any old people now with these sorts of attitudes. I did have to tell my Mum to stop running around after my Dad and my ex in the 70s though. We were staying with them for a weekend, and the men went to the pub while we stayed behind with the kids and cooked the Sunday roast. When they weren't back when they said they would be, I insisted we ate ours, and put theirs in the oven to keep warm. And when they got home an hour late, I had to force her to sit down, and I told them to get their own meals out of the oven.
My ex happily did that. When he'd finished, he came through and brought us a pot of tea, and I had to listen to my Mum being amazed at how wonderful he was for making the tea when if he'd only said, she would have made it!

I don't agree with just letting it go as they're "old-fashioned" or whatever, although it should be his son who addresses it. I wouldn't be able to not say something back. Imagine if you have kids and he's treating your son differently than your daughter. Also, imagine if your DP is actually a chip off the old block and you don't find out until you're tied down to him.