FIL expects me to serve his son

[Daisypowers]

Because I don't wait around on DP hand and foot like a 1950s housewife, FIL (69) thinks I'm lazy and a bad girlfriend. Whenever I'm there (this weekend for example) he will make little comments now and then. This weekend DP wanted to clean his walking boots in the garden, and FIL said 'oh maybe Daisypowers can do that for you' and gestured to me. Another time DP said he was going to make himself a sandwich after playing tennis and FIL said 'Daisypowers can do that for you, have a rest.' At the time I'd just sat down in the garden with a cup of tea to read my book after doing the food shop for everyone and deheading MIL's rose bushes because she's got a bad shoulder.

Me and DP are 35, both working full time, no kids, and do an equal share of everything domestically at home. DP perfectly capable of making a sandwich for himself. Both MIL and FIL quite old fashioned and MIL does absolutely everything for FIL - all the cooking, cleaning, puts out clothes for him to wear every morning, packs his suitcase for him when he goes on holiday etc. Should I say something? Really annoys me.

Absolutely this. All the smart arse wise cracks are lost on people like that

You have to beat them with proper logic, why? why? but why wouldnt he do it? why cant he do it? why cant you do it?

Theres no answer to it so he'll shut up after a while

Or dont visit which would be my solution!

'Don't give him ideas. We don't need any more sexists idiots in the family'.

You have to tell us what happens next after twatty FIL makes these remarks? Do you say anything? Does DP? Or just silence?

This. Smile sweetly while doing so.😀

It's DP's job to say something, not yours.😊

How does your partner respond? I’d challenge politely and simplify by just asking him why you should do it. Then explain that you and your DP both work and are equals. He won’t agree and he won’t change his views but if you challenge hopefully he will stop with the comments

Definitely NOT a generation thing. Female emancipation happened in the 60s.... 60 years ago!
Your husband should reply and put him straight.

Twenty or thirty years ago, I might have bought the excuse of it being a generational thing, but for how much longer are we going to keep wheeling out this excuse? People who are in their sixties and seventies now have all had ample exposure to the concept of equal rights and to the idea that women don't exist purely to serve men. If they are still sexist, it's because they choose to be, rather than because they are ignorant.

DP should reply. Is he just keeping quiet?

Your husband should say something and if he doesn’t, stop visiting. Worked for me. Hubby’s Dad used to insult me when we were alone, I told hubby who rang his Dad. His father denied it. His mother refused to speak to me when she used to ring to speak to my husband. Suited me. MIL was actually a lovely person but controlled by FIL.

At some point MIL made small talk with me and we got onto good terms again. I didn’t speak to or visit FIL again. Fortunately we lived 3 hours away. Hubby understood and was 100% on my side. I didn’t go to FIL’s funeral. I was in my 20’s at the time, I was shy. I’d have had it out with him if I’d been in my 30’s when I became much more self assured.

My fil was amazed I don’t make dps sandwiches for work
i laughed and told him that ‘having a penis doesn’t get him out of making them’
mil laughed and life moved on-not another word was ever said
dp is fully house trained and is more than capable of making his own food

I would be careful of your boyfriend. He may become like his dad after marriage and kids....especially if he ends up earning more than you.

Should I say something? Really annoys me.

Rather than say something, could you just laugh?
I have a feeling that FiL wants you to 'bite' so he can goad you further, put your down, label you as difficult or something.
If you can produce some hearty, ringing guffaws of ridicule, you'll shut this shit down faster.

More to the point, what does your b/f say when his dad says twattish crap like this?

Your partner needs to politely but firmly tell his father that he is embarrassing him in front of his girlfriend and to please desist, thank you.

ExBiL used to come out with the same sort of shit.....he's 45. So not a a generation thing at all, just an arsehole thing.

I'd ask him what the year is

Then reply 'EXACTLY'!

Just say 'why would I do that? They're not my boots'.

But as long as your DH isn't like that, I wouldn't give it too much headspace. I couldn't give a toss what my FIL thinks about, well, anything really.

Agree its sexism, not a generation thing!

I am 68 and never thought it was my job to run around doing menial stuff for men.

Mind, some men get a thrill watching women do that. Ugh.

Good Lord, if he said that to me I'd just laugh and say " oh no, dp makes a great sandwich, I'm sure he'll teach you if you're not sure how" and get on with whatever I'm doing.

Why hasn't your partner said something?

IT IS NOT A 'GENERATION THING'

I am late 60s, my husband is in his 70s and I have never waited on him. In fact it is often the other way around (because he's nice)

So stop with the ageist rubbish

Nip that shit in the bud now! Something simple like ‘I don’t think so’. No ambiguity, no room for negotiation. If FIL pushes it push to to DP and say ‘is that how you think it should be DP or are you big enough to do your own things’

What does your DP say? You are well within your rights to tell your FIL that you’re not a maid, but I’m struggling to imagine my DP not telling his dad how ridiculous he was being himself.

It might be a generational thing, but certainly not his generation, or the few before. It’s a misogynistic man child Twat thing.
Just laugh at him when he suggests these things, and get your partner to laugh too, and say that he’s an adult, and as such can take care of himself.

I wouldn't 'put him straight' and cause an atmosphere but I also wouldn't make the bloody sandwich.

I think I'd be tempted to say 'let's go make it together' and whilst you have your DP alone in the kitchen remind him to speak up when DF makes these remarks and make it clear that it is no longer 1955 and you will not be waiting on him hand and foot, nor do you need a woman to!

It sounds like you need a conversation. Are you absolutely sure that DP doesn't expect this kind of treatment once married?

Apparently this kind of hideous wife-ing is making a bit of a comeback. So the generation of men who've watched so much porn they think strangulation is normal during sex (as do many young women due to their pressures) are now morphing women into Stepford wives.

Whoddathunkit?!! 😞

As an aside, my Dad is 69 and I cannot imagine him acting this way, nor any uncles of that generation. It's really rather unusal!