Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should you leave flowers in the church after wedding ceremony!

340 replies

confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 10:41

Hi all,

So I'm getting married In 2 weeks, got the florist organised and al bouquets paid for.

We have asked for x1 pedestal arrangement and 8x little posy-jar arrangements to decorate the church. These, along with some buttonholes, bridesmaids posy's and my bridal bouquet have come to almost £900.

We had arranged for the florist to aid in moving the arrangements from the church to our reception venue after the ceremony, so we can continue to enjoy them.

I had a message from a family member today to say how hurt they are, and how rude and mean it seems to be - to 'swipe' the flowers from the church straight after the ceremony not leaving any behind.

I didn't realise that this was a thing. Maybe I'm in the wrong? Can anybody please explain?

OP posts:
katkit · 29/08/2022 16:14

Yanbu- take them, maybe leaving a couple? Otherwise you’re expected to pay for reception flowers too. If anyone grumbles- better for the environment to use same flowers.

LadyRoughDiamond · 29/08/2022 16:14

My mother and the church flower ladies did the church for ours, getting flowers from a local wholesaler for no more than £150. Florist then decorated the marquee, cake, and did my bouquet plus buttonholes (didn’t have bridesmaids). Church flowers stayed in the church as a ‘thank you’.
I’ve also heard of people sharing the cost of flowers with others getting married in the same church that weekend (church put them in touch). Flowers obvs stay put in this case. Might be worth considering.

picklemewalnuts · 29/08/2022 16:19

It is especially lovely when it's a church extended community wedding!

I don't think the £850 ish is a lot in comparison with lots of other expenses, although it's a significant amount in itself.

You get about four hours of vicar, admin support, as well as the use of the building for at least four hours- rehearsal, access for planning and decorating, before and after the ceremony, photos.

Tanith · 29/08/2022 16:34

CupcakesK · 29/08/2022 14:35

Surely you can see that still doesn't entitle you to assume the flowers should be donated to you?

Show quote history

I never said it did. It's up to the church and the wedding party between them and most come to a perfectly reasonable agreement over it.

I'm simply explaining to you, and others on the thread, what is generally done regarding the flowers in the various churches I've arranged for, and why it's done. And why I'm not getting up at 6am on a Sunday morning to do it, as you seemed to think I should.

Hesma · 29/08/2022 16:51

I’ve never heard of anyone taking them tbh

LuftBalloons · 29/08/2022 17:35

Of course you leave them ! You’ve celebrated a wedding service in the church. Presumably you’re part of that community and are happy for a little of the celebration to grace the church afterwards.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 29/08/2022 18:07

DoubleShotEspresso · 29/08/2022 14:20

You leave them in the church. No exceptions sorry-really understand you perhaps didn't realise this, but I'd be appalled at this too.

The idea of removing anything from a church is to me anyway, just plain wrong.. sorry OP

But they don't belong to the church... OP paid for them

FeedMeSantiago · 29/08/2022 18:09

The church we married in told us the norm was to leave the flowers. We got married during Lent though when flowers aren't permitted anyway (in that Church at least).

peasandcarrrotts · 29/08/2022 18:13

I've never heard of leaving flowers for the church.

If you are paying almost a thousand pounds for them I bloody well think you should take them.

YellowTreeHouse · 29/08/2022 18:13

Yes, the done thing is that you leave them in the church.

mogtheexcellent · 29/08/2022 18:14

We took ours to the reception because we were asked to by the church. They had their own flower arrangements which they put in the vestry.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/08/2022 18:14

Although I liked the suggested compromise of taking a couple of arrangements back to the church after the reception, I've yet to see anyone explain why churches should expect flowers to be left - at least in any rational way that doesn't include tradition, nice gesture, etc.

And why would the church look "too bare" once they're taken if its own people usually do arrangements? Obviously they'd need to be clear on whether the wedding flowers are being left or not, but most of these things are mounted on strands so surely they'd do them anyway and just tuck them away ready to be placed after the wedding?

Sorry, but at £512/560 in/out of the parish - and that's just the suggested bare bones fee without organist, bells, choir or whatever - they wouldn't be getting £hundreds worth of professionally done flowers as well

RiskItBiscuit · 29/08/2022 18:36

As someone who works weddings in churches it just comes down to your preference!
If you want to take the flowers arrange for some people to do that (so you don't have to worry on the day!)🥰

Have a lovely wedding day ☺️

ChateauMargaux · 29/08/2022 19:34

@Puzzledandpissedoff .. Are you a church goer? Have you even been?

The church is a sacred place of worship for it's community which is offered to people who wish to get married there. In return, the couple pay an administration fee and there is a social expectation that the flowers purchased are done so, for the benefit of the church and it's community as well as for the couple and their guests.

It is really nothing like a wedding venue which exists purely for the purposes of making a profit or a registry office which while it also serves a public function, it does not operate in the same way.

The OP herself says that the church is special to her and her family and implies that she feels privileged to be able to hold her wedding there. It is respectful to follow the customs, especially as someone has pointed them out to her.

LuftBalloons · 29/08/2022 20:02

If someone has paid nearly a grand to use the church, the church can find a different time to arrange the flowers.

This is quite an ignorant post @babyjellyfish Church flowers are arranged by volunteers,. and I doubt that the £800 the OP has paid for the church service (including the priest's time in various interviews and consultations) plus the use of the church for several hours, actually pays for terribly much ...

Arbesque · 29/08/2022 20:03

My late mother used to be a flower lady. They were happy to arrange the flowers for free or for a bride to hire someone. But taking them away afterwards was considered bad form.

LuftBalloons · 29/08/2022 20:05

Top post, @ChateauMargaux Some people are quite ignorant about the role of the church in a community.

Lcb123 · 29/08/2022 20:07

I think they should be left really-unless you are relying on them to decorate your reception (which doesn’t sound like you are). P.s. it may be too late but that seems incredibly expensive for flowers. Mine was total £350 for 5 bouquets, 10 table vases, cake flowers and buttonholes

RegardingMary · 29/08/2022 20:12

It is tradition for wedding flowers to remain in the church.

We spoke to the vicar and arranged to send ours back once they'd been used at the reception venue. They were happy with this arrangement.

However we are regular church attenders.

NovasNest · 29/08/2022 20:14

It's 2022 now and the church needs to move out of the dark ages and remember not everyone getting married there is a Christian or remotely interested in 'church etiquette' or tradition. 'The church' wants to attract a younger congregation but spends a large proportion of time pushing away the very people that they should embrace in order to survive. I've spent my life being involved with the local parish church, as well as the larger diocese, and it was never expected that a couple would leave their flowers. It was a nice gesture if they did, but no one should be guilt tripped into doing so.

VestaTilley · 29/08/2022 20:21

You’re in the wrong I’m afraid - good etiquette is to leave the flowers behind in church for decoration in that week’s services.

It’s the height of bad taste to take them all away. You pay for separate reception flowers.

If you can’t afford it or aren’t sure what to do now ask the vicar and also ask to speak to the flower ladies who usually do the church flowers. They may offer, for a small sum, to do some church flowers in your colours, meaning your original ones can be user straight at the reception. But do ask - they won’t mind, and will be touched that you asked.

LuftBalloons · 29/08/2022 20:24

the church needs to move out of the dark ages and remember not everyone getting married there is a Christian or remotely interested in 'church etiquette' or tradition

There are many other places in which people can choose to be married now. I would suggest @NovasNest that if a couple is not remotely interested in 'church etiquette' or tradition then they choose to be married elsewhere.

BogRollBOGOF · 29/08/2022 20:25

There was another wedding on the same day as mine and we agreed to go halves on a white arrangement for the church for both weddings. The church was happy and acted as go-between to facilitate.

I had a fairly basic package of arrangements in my colour scheme and those went to the reception.

Original poster
confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 20:27

Thank you all, can't believe it's made the news (the mirror) Confused

I think I'm going to compromise by leaving some and taking some too.

OP posts:
ClocksGoingBackwards · 29/08/2022 20:31

If the church didn’t tell you when you booked that they expect you to give them your flowers, then they don’t expect them to give them your flowers.

When people leave flowers at church after a wedding it’s because they choose to as a gift, not because they are obliged. Your relative is rude to assume that the person paying for the flowers will be happy to do this. If it bothers them that much, they can pay for the flowers.