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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should you leave flowers in the church after wedding ceremony!

340 replies

confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 10:41

Hi all,

So I'm getting married In 2 weeks, got the florist organised and al bouquets paid for.

We have asked for x1 pedestal arrangement and 8x little posy-jar arrangements to decorate the church. These, along with some buttonholes, bridesmaids posy's and my bridal bouquet have come to almost £900.

We had arranged for the florist to aid in moving the arrangements from the church to our reception venue after the ceremony, so we can continue to enjoy them.

I had a message from a family member today to say how hurt they are, and how rude and mean it seems to be - to 'swipe' the flowers from the church straight after the ceremony not leaving any behind.

I didn't realise that this was a thing. Maybe I'm in the wrong? Can anybody please explain?

OP posts:
Drivebye · 29/08/2022 13:59

Just to add I expect your relative is more hurt and angry because she is worried how she looks as people know it was a relative of hers and how people will now be gossiping.

Honestly, am you paying for the church for the wedding, it is a business transaction.

Cruisebabe1 · 29/08/2022 13:59

imasurvivor2 · 29/08/2022 10:47

I'd take them to the reception. Not sure why relative would be hurt. Are they paying for them? If so maybe they should have a say, if not it's not got anything to do with them has it?

This.

Dinoteeth · 29/08/2022 14:00

Op traditionally they are left in the church. But it's not something I realised either and you aren't too late to change your arrangements.

When I got married the minister was quite clear on what we could / couldn't do. And one thing was 'you will provide two arrangements or use the church vases that will stay in for the Sunday service'

I asked what happens after then, normal Sunday flowers are distributed to elderly / ill / bereaved parishioners but the wedding ones go to the local nursing homes as they are often too big for individuals..

But he was also clear only flowers on the altar, nothing on the ends of pews or round the front door as it had become a bit of a nonsense with people trying to out do other people.

Alwaystheplusone · 29/08/2022 14:01

Church flower arranger here! It’s absolutely fine if you want to take them with you. Nobody will think the worse of you for it :)

KettrickenSmiled · 29/08/2022 14:01

confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 11:46

No I've not had the wedding yet.
My MIL to be is paying for the flowers for us. They're costing a lot of money. We fly on our honeymoon the following day and so she was going to take them home after the reception to enjoy.

I've been told by my family member this morning that you leave them in the church.

Ah.

Well as you are NOT paying (sorry, got confused by phrasing of your first post) you'll probably have an easier time by just complying with your relative.

It's not a very giving spirit though is it - to make a present of the flowers but then be all controlling about what the bride wants to do with them afterwards! I expect the relative has form for being petty - in which case, rise above it, enjoy your wedding, & congratulations.

Remagirl · 29/08/2022 14:03

This is bonkers. These are your flowers do what you want with them! Some of the wording re the 'done thing' etc and your relative feeling hurt are mind boggling.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 29/08/2022 14:06

Fayrazzled · 29/08/2022 10:45

I agree with your relative. I think the flowers should be left in the church to be enjoyed by the rest of the church community in services over the next week.
People do take them with them to the venue though- I’ve heard of it before but personally I think it’s not really the done thing.

Why? The church didn't pay almost a grand for them...

Sunflowergin · 29/08/2022 14:06

What does the church say? Ours specified we had to leave flowers

no one on mumsnet is going to be able know what your specific church says

RedHelenB · 29/08/2022 14:06

Reallybadidea · 29/08/2022 10:59

I think taking them back to the church after the reception is a perfectly reasonable compromise

This. Maybe the person who brought the subject up could oblige.
The thing is, there isn't much time between a wedding and the Sunday service so of you take all the flowers with you then its a bare church. On the plus side, if you can persuade a vicar to marry you during Lent this won't matter.

purplecorkheart · 29/08/2022 14:07

Check with the Vicar/Priest. When my friend got married she was told to ensure that the flowers were removed after the Mass immediately. She had me and a few friends do it. Her flowers were simple, small white arrangements so were not tacky or anything. The priest made sure when had taken them all before we left.

Dinoteeth · 29/08/2022 14:11

TheWayoftheLeaf · 29/08/2022 14:06

Why? The church didn't pay almost a grand for them...

Show quote history

Remember the £900 includes the button holes, bridesmaid poses and bridesmaid bouquets.
As well as her big arrangements and 8 smaller ones for the church.

It might be a compromise to leave the big arrangement and take the 8 smaller ones. But I definitely don't think it's the done thing to remove all the flowers.

CupcakesK · 29/08/2022 14:12

DobbyTheHouseElk · 29/08/2022 13:57

Thats not what I said. That’s what the relative thinks.

The church ladies would have done the flowers, probably for free, probably not to OP’s taste as they usually are elderly. They do the flowers every week. I know the dramas that are caused in churches. I have a relative who is one of those ladies. You could write a book on it.

Show quote history

No, it is what you said. Your post was:

I can see why the relative is hurt. It’s not very Christian to take all the flowers.

The relative merely said they were hurt. I have not misquoted you.

furthermore the OP said no one from the church offered to do the flowers, so this is probably why she has arranged and paid for them herself. Perhaps the people in churches who get themselves het up over flowers or other church comings and goings need to take a look at themselves.

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 29/08/2022 14:15

It is traditional to leave them. We go to church and love seeing flowers from a wedding the day before. The vicar always tells us whose wedding it was etc.

Thornethorn · 29/08/2022 14:15

I don't pander to people who use the word hurt when they mean cross. She's showing no Christian spirit at all in sending you this message with that wording before your special day. I would ignore her.

DoubleShotEspresso · 29/08/2022 14:20

You leave them in the church. No exceptions sorry-really understand you perhaps didn't realise this, but I'd be appalled at this too.

The idea of removing anything from a church is to me anyway, just plain wrong.. sorry OP

Dexionmagic · 29/08/2022 14:23

It’s half expected in my Church.

BatshitBanshee · 29/08/2022 14:24

confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 11:46

No I've not had the wedding yet.
My MIL to be is paying for the flowers for us. They're costing a lot of money. We fly on our honeymoon the following day and so she was going to take them home after the reception to enjoy.

I've been told by my family member this morning that you leave them in the church.

I'd continue with your original plan OP and take the flowers with you. Let your family member get their knickers in a bunch. If you want a tiebreak opinion, ask the florist what the done thing is - but you have paid an awful lot of money for them to not take them with you.

Tanith · 29/08/2022 14:24

babyjellyfish · 29/08/2022 13:50

The reason for using the wedding flowers is that most flower arrangers do the arrangements on the Friday or Saturday, when most weddings are scheduled. We can't get into the church to arrange the week's flowers if there's a wedding on.

You could after the wedding, or before the Sunday morning service. If someone has paid nearly a grand to use the church, the church can find a different time to arrange the flowers.

I'm a volunteer and I have a family. I work full time. The first Sunday service is at 8am.

Have you any idea how long it takes to arrange the flowers? I'm usually there most of Saturday morning when it's my turn at my present church.

W0tnow · 29/08/2022 14:27

Have not rtft.

you paid for them, why leave them for strangers???

disclaimer: not British, unaware of convention.

CupcakesK · 29/08/2022 14:27

The idea of removing anything from a church is to me anyway, just plain wrong.. sorry OP

Huh? The OP has arranged and paid for her own flowers, completely independently to the church. These are not church flowers she is stealing, she is putting HER OWN flowers into the church for a couple of hours for the wedding ceremony. In what way should the church be entitled to steal them?

NovasNest · 29/08/2022 14:34

Take your flowers! You've paid a lot of money for them and you've paid a lot of money to get married there. You don't need to thank the church by leaving another few hundred pounds worth of flowers! If the church really want them they can contribute to the cost. If the church florist has an issue with it because they work full time/have a family then they can as the parish to offer to pay for some of the flowers can't they?

I grew up with parents heavily involved in the local church and my mums best friend was the vicars wife. Some brides left the flowers, some didn't. There was never a big issue if they didn't. Maybe because my parish wasn't completely full of entitled arseholes.

CupcakesK · 29/08/2022 14:35

Tanith · 29/08/2022 14:24

I'm a volunteer and I have a family. I work full time. The first Sunday service is at 8am.

Have you any idea how long it takes to arrange the flowers? I'm usually there most of Saturday morning when it's my turn at my present church.

Show quote history

Surely you can see that still doesn't entitle you to assume the flowers should be donated to you?

Dinoteeth · 29/08/2022 14:37

W0tnow · 29/08/2022 14:27

Have not rtft.

you paid for them, why leave them for strangers???

disclaimer: not British, unaware of convention.

Traditionally the couple would be married in the Brides church, she would be a member of the Congregation. The people she is leaving them for are not strangers!

SafeHeaven · 29/08/2022 14:38

Ive never been to a church wedding, but i would have thought it would have been rude to leave them.

To me, leaving them is saying you can clear them away. So someone else has to clear up your stuff, and dispose of it!

Abra1d1 · 29/08/2022 14:39

You should leave some flowers in the church otherwise it means they are denuded of flowers for the week as you've used the spaces they would otherwise have had their own flowers in.