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Original poster

Should you leave flowers in the church after wedding ceremony!

340 replies

confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 10:41

Hi all,

So I'm getting married In 2 weeks, got the florist organised and al bouquets paid for.

We have asked for x1 pedestal arrangement and 8x little posy-jar arrangements to decorate the church. These, along with some buttonholes, bridesmaids posy's and my bridal bouquet have come to almost £900.

We had arranged for the florist to aid in moving the arrangements from the church to our reception venue after the ceremony, so we can continue to enjoy them.

I had a message from a family member today to say how hurt they are, and how rude and mean it seems to be - to 'swipe' the flowers from the church straight after the ceremony not leaving any behind.

I didn't realise that this was a thing. Maybe I'm in the wrong? Can anybody please explain?

OP posts:
Dinoteeth · 29/08/2022 14:41

SafeHeaven · 29/08/2022 14:38

Ive never been to a church wedding, but i would have thought it would have been rude to leave them.

To me, leaving them is saying you can clear them away. So someone else has to clear up your stuff, and dispose of it!

No the opposite, your saving the church from having to organise flowers for the Sunday service.

I'm not even sure who normally pays for the regular Sunday flowers, is it the flower committee or do they come out the normal church funds 🤔 I guess every church will be different.

cptartapp · 29/08/2022 14:49

We had two pedestals.
Took one and left one.

Limesodaandice · 29/08/2022 14:55

I see that a lot of churches are CF….

Also someone said it’s a sign of respect to invite the vicar to your wedding reception, I bet they love that!

picklemewalnuts · 29/08/2022 14:59

It's fascinating reading the thinking here. I'm a church member and work in the church. I see all sorts.

The church makes nothing from a wedding- the cost of the vicar, verger, heating and lighting the church, cleaning etc makes the fees pretty small. Most of It isn't retained by the church, it goes to the diocese to help with vicar wages and pensions.

I'm always interested in how much couples are prepared to pay for additional elements (photobooths, table favours etc) in comparison with the fees for bells, organist, church etc.

Bear in mind most churches struggle financially to stay open throughout the year- the costs are met by the congregation members- and if they close they (and their vicars) won't be there for funerals, weddings and christenings.

picklemewalnuts · 29/08/2022 15:00

@Limesodaandice my vicar mentioned only yesterday how lovely it is to get an invite, but how she always says no as she doesn't want them to worry about who to sit her with or cramping their style.

Dinoteeth · 29/08/2022 15:08

Is the inviting the vicar / minister / priest to the reception not part of that old thing of it traditionally being the Brides church and them being someone who was well know to the Brides family and a lot of friends?

Limesodaandice · 29/08/2022 15:08

picklemewalnuts · 29/08/2022 15:00

@Limesodaandice my vicar mentioned only yesterday how lovely it is to get an invite, but how she always says no as she doesn't want them to worry about who to sit her with or cramping their style.

She actually sounds really nice, and I feel bad now for my comment. It was only based on the previous poster who said it’s absolutely the done thing to leave flowers in the church and that it’s a sign of respect to invite the vicar.

I just had an image of a very happy vicar going to a different wedding reception each week and enjoying the food etc! I honestly was being light hearted about that bit.

With your other comment, the OP says she paid over £800 to hire the church for her service, does it really cost a lot more than that then? Or if not more, do they make nothing from it? I think it’s awful if the church doesn’t get to keep the fees.

MsSquiz · 29/08/2022 15:09

We took all of our flowers from church to decorate the reception venue - nothing was said by the church.

We then took some of the arrangements and posies to the Marie Curie hospice where my DM had died 3 months before

notforonesecond · 29/08/2022 15:12

@picklemewalnuts

The church makes nothing from a wedding- the cost of the vicar, verger, heating and lighting the church, cleaning etc makes the fees pretty small. Most of It isn't retained by the church, it goes to the diocese to help with vicar wages and pensions.

This might often be true, but I wouldn’t call the £860 the op has paid to use the church a small fee. If a church is charging that much money and not offering their own florists, I think expectations of what’s traditional need to change

CupcakesK · 29/08/2022 15:16

Bear in mind most churches struggle financially to stay open throughout the year- the costs are met by the congregation members- and if they close they (and their vicars) won't be there for funerals, weddings and christenings

I absolutely get this but does donating wedding flowers help? It's a nice gesture, but equally why shouldn't they be able to donate them elsewhere?

It is baffling to me that church money is clearly being spent on weekly fresh flowers in many places (hence the need to leave wedding flowers). Isn't it time churches used more sustainable options? We are entering a COL crisis too - having flowers looks nice, but I'm sure potted plants would be just as suitable and being able to heat/repair the many old churches we have in the UK.

Philandbill · 29/08/2022 15:22

It's fine to take them and it's also fine to leave them. The church I attend is scenic and we have lots of weddings in the summer. Some couples take the flowers and some leave them. Most people in the regular congregation don't go to church on a Sunday morning to look at flowers, nice if they are there but not essential. I do however love looking at left behind orders of service, great to see the variety of music and style etc.😊

TheOriginalClownfish · 29/08/2022 15:22

The idea of removing anything from a church is to me anyway, just plain wrong.. sorry OP

My priest insisted that it was all removed after the service. So our priest was wrong then?

OP, it looks like it very much depends on the church, so while it might have been the norm in your particular church, equally it's also not the norm in others so don't feel bad.

I got lambasted about something for my wedding that is traditional in some places and very much not in others. The person made a massive song and dance about it being missing but the truth is, where she lives, it's mostly a tradition, and where I live and where we got married, it absolutely isn't a tradition. So she only made herself look bad by kicking off about it.

MsSquiz · 29/08/2022 15:23

DoubleShotEspresso · 29/08/2022 14:20

You leave them in the church. No exceptions sorry-really understand you perhaps didn't realise this, but I'd be appalled at this too.

The idea of removing anything from a church is to me anyway, just plain wrong.. sorry OP

Well there obviously are exceptions as a lot of people on this thread have stated...

Plus my SIL was our Vicar and she would've made it clear if we were "not allowed" to take the flowers from church to the venue

MsSquiz · 29/08/2022 15:25

Dinoteeth · 29/08/2022 15:08

Is the inviting the vicar / minister / priest to the reception not part of that old thing of it traditionally being the Brides church and them being someone who was well know to the Brides family and a lot of friends?

My SIL goes to pretty much every reception she's invited to! Never one to turn down free food!

Grapewrath · 29/08/2022 15:37

No way would I leave almost a grande worth of flowers behind. If it was very unusual to take them, the florist would’ve said.
I used to work at a wedding barn and many people would bring the church flower to lau on the top table

ThinWomansBrain · 29/08/2022 15:38

ask the concerned relative if thet would like to pay for the fowers that they want to be donated to the church?
I did think it was traditional to donate them - and the faff of transporting them to the next venue sounds a pain - but £900!

TolkiensFallow · 29/08/2022 15:40

It is tradition to leave them and would generally be considered a breach of etiquette to take them.

Ultimately you have paid for them and can take them, some people will definitely judge you for it and others won’t care. Perhaps you could arrange for them to go back to the church after your reception?

Dinoteeth · 29/08/2022 15:42

ThinWomansBrain · 29/08/2022 15:38

ask the concerned relative if thet would like to pay for the fowers that they want to be donated to the church?
I did think it was traditional to donate them - and the faff of transporting them to the next venue sounds a pain - but £900!

Read it properly the £900 includes Brides bouquet, bridesmaids pose and button holes etc - it's not £900 just for the church.

champagneplanet · 29/08/2022 15:45

I think churches like you to leave them as they'd normally have displays done for the week.

The vicar told us not to buy any extra displays if we didn't want to, but asked what our colour scheme was so the lady who did the flowers didn't do anything that would clash.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 29/08/2022 15:45

Flowers - leave the flowers
Confetti - don't leave the confetti

Grapewrath · 29/08/2022 15:47

Also your family member is being ridiculous and rude to ‘demand’ you do anything with the flowers you paid for.

DoubleShotEspresso · 29/08/2022 15:50

CupcakesK · 29/08/2022 14:27

The idea of removing anything from a church is to me anyway, just plain wrong.. sorry OP

Huh? The OP has arranged and paid for her own flowers, completely independently to the church. These are not church flowers she is stealing, she is putting HER OWN flowers into the church for a couple of hours for the wedding ceremony. In what way should the church be entitled to steal them?

OP has detailed she's very fond of the church and it's community, her wedding will be I'm sure in their schedule list...
it's a basic courtesy that anything you offer into a church remains there.
Seriously it's not a question of who paid or who owns them. It's literally a (beautiful) mark of a church/life event. Not for shifting to n fro....

Underscore21 · 29/08/2022 16:01

Is it your Mother and she doesn't like the fact that your MIL to be is paying for the flowers and wants to take them home afterwards? None of your Mother's business as she isn't paying if so.

itrytomakemyway · 29/08/2022 16:10

The wonderful church flower rota ladies did our daughter's church flowers - mainly using flowers from their own gardens. We gave them £100 to cover extras they needed and the oasis. I have to say they did a better job than the florist who charged a small fortune for the reception and bridal flowers.

We left the two pedestals in church, but took four big planters with us to the reception at the suggestion of the church flower rota ladies.

They were so lovely, and happy to do it as my daughter has been going to church and Sunday school her whole life. They also came along to the ceremony as there was plenty of space and they wanted to see her on the day.

picklemewalnuts · 29/08/2022 16:12

@CupcakesK most churches the Sunday flowers tend to be about a fiver, usually paid for by the volunteer or a congregation member who wants flowers on the anniversary of someone's death or their birthday. It doesn't come out of the pot, IYSWIM.

It's more the joy of walking into a beautifully decorated church. We had one last year where they'd gone to town with artificial flowers. They came and took them down a couple of weeks later, but we gasped as we came in- so much more artistic than we'd ever managed!

It's absolutely up to the bride though- we love seeing what's left but would never expect them to be.