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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have outgrown men

580 replies

Namechanged007 · 28/08/2022 22:16

Before all the namalt brigade come along I'm well aware.

Thing is it's true I have outgrown the ridiculouness and childishness of men.

I'm married but even so I feel like I'd be better off alone most of the time. Nothing wrong with dh as such but I'm more able and stronger alone.

I have just been to the pub and all the women were complimentary of each other. Going with the flow. And enjoying themselves. The men were either grumpy or showing brovado. There was an incident on our table that involved new men intimidating each other and I just went home.

The thing is this isn't a table of young men. It's professionals and grown ups. I just cant be bothered with it.

None of the women got involved but it spoilt the night.

I told dh I don't have time for such pathetic behaviour.

It never ends. It doesn't matter how old or wise we become men seem to revert back to this strange behaviour.

I deal with it day in day out at my work and I simply can't be bothered. If I never had to see another man, mansplaining, dominating conversation, throwing their weight around, bravado, dick measuring, causing a scene in my life it would be too soon.

Absolutely done with it.

OP posts:
Overdon · 28/08/2022 23:02

My widowed mother says, " I wouldn't have another man even if he was gift wrapped". Don't often see eye to eye with her, but completely agree on this point.

Most of them are just so useless, and tiresome, I just cant be arsed with a relationship. I am certainly not envious of my married friends!

ThreeLocusts · 28/08/2022 23:02

Discovereads · 28/08/2022 22:31

No it’s not. It’s only hard for people who’ve never lived in different cities/countries/continents. You’re not locked into being friends with your best mate from Year 5.

Show quote history

Well I've lived in six countries on three continents and after six years in my current location I still feel somewhat short of friends.

Not because I lack social skills but because I lack time and energy to focus on pursuing friendships not derived from work or school, a function of having three kids and a full time job.

I'd suggest dialling down the smug, wouldloveanother.

Original poster
Namechanged007 · 28/08/2022 23:03

This is it, the older I get the more the inadequacies become unbearabe.

OP posts:
Wouldloveanother · 28/08/2022 23:05

ThreeLocusts · 28/08/2022 23:02

Well I've lived in six countries on three continents and after six years in my current location I still feel somewhat short of friends.

Not because I lack social skills but because I lack time and energy to focus on pursuing friendships not derived from work or school, a function of having three kids and a full time job.

I'd suggest dialling down the smug, wouldloveanother.

Show quote history

What did I say?!

FabFitFifties · 28/08/2022 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

🤣🤣Read again, I was referring to his father.

ThreeLocusts · 28/08/2022 23:09

FrancescaContini · 28/08/2022 22:32

No. They’re everywhere. Walk along the street: dickheads talking loudly. Sit in a restaurant: dickheads ogling my teenage DDs. Go for a quiet walk: dickheads in lycra nearly run me over on their gadget-laden bikes. Drive on a motorway: dickheads in Audis flashing at you to get out of the fast lane. Make a brief enquiry: dickhead mansplaining to me as if I am an idiot.

On and on and on. I am really gutted at times to be heterosexual.

Show quote history

Amen to this.

ideasmirrour · 28/08/2022 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It’s awful for her to want him to become a kind, empathetic adult? Wtf?

You sound like a judgmental busybody who can’t read posts properly. Who goes around saying it’s awful for her son to have her as a mother? How bitchy and pompous.

Discovereads · 28/08/2022 23:10

I am visualising this conversation…

I have outgrown men
TheSunnySide · 28/08/2022 23:11

Annieisalright · 28/08/2022 22:58

And the common denominator in all these relationships?

Would that be you perhaps?

Show quote history

Calm down Annie. No need to be a total Tit-head about it!

’All these relationships’ are a 13 year relationship which ended due to alcoholism (his not mine) and a 10 year marriage which ended for a combination of reasons I don’t need to go into here, because he will likely read it and be an arse to me when we otherwise manage to get on OK now we aren’t winding each other up by living with each other.

I am sure I have my irritating habits too but that’s just another reason why it’s clear to me that I don’t need to be in a relationship.

You knock yourself out though, have hundreds of them, doesn’t bother me.

SweetFannyAdamsDog · 28/08/2022 23:13

yanbu

Redqueenheart · 28/08/2022 23:14

''@Annieisalright And the common denominator in all these relationships?
Would that be you perhaps?''

I think it is really naive not to want to accept that there are toxic behaviours that are mainly displayed by men in relationships: domestic violence, porn addiction, lack of involvement in childcare and housework, poor communications skills and low emotional intelligence, feeling threatened by their partner success at work.

It seems to me that in the majority of time it is the woman who works the hardest to keep a relationship going and the family together.

So if a woman has had several bad relationships it does not always mean the issues are with her as you are implying. Anyone who has done online dating for example will know that it is almost impossible to find a decent guy...

Sandcastlesinthesky · 28/08/2022 23:17

I suspect a lot of women feel like you myself included

Joystir59 · 28/08/2022 23:17

One of my closest friends is a man. I still prefer the company of women. I am grateful to be a lesbian. I would never live with a man.

justasking111 · 28/08/2022 23:19

We've tried as a group of women friends to invite the men along. It doesn't really work. They're so busy Willy waving talking over each other. Politics, sports, etc they've got all the answers. They're confrontational rather than empathic it's very boring

Today at an event sat next to my OH four times I thought he had finished talking. So I started to say something to the woman opposite, four times he started up again like a chainsaw. In the end I just rolled my eyes and shrugged making a chatting endlessly sign with my hand.

SparklingLime · 28/08/2022 23:20

YANBU

Discovereads · 28/08/2022 23:20

ThreeLocusts · 28/08/2022 23:02

Well I've lived in six countries on three continents and after six years in my current location I still feel somewhat short of friends.

Not because I lack social skills but because I lack time and energy to focus on pursuing friendships not derived from work or school, a function of having three kids and a full time job.

I'd suggest dialling down the smug, wouldloveanother.

Show quote history

Well, like most things you get what you put into it.

Annieisalright · 28/08/2022 23:22

Redqueenheart · 28/08/2022 23:14

''@Annieisalright And the common denominator in all these relationships?
Would that be you perhaps?''

I think it is really naive not to want to accept that there are toxic behaviours that are mainly displayed by men in relationships: domestic violence, porn addiction, lack of involvement in childcare and housework, poor communications skills and low emotional intelligence, feeling threatened by their partner success at work.

It seems to me that in the majority of time it is the woman who works the hardest to keep a relationship going and the family together.

So if a woman has had several bad relationships it does not always mean the issues are with her as you are implying. Anyone who has done online dating for example will know that it is almost impossible to find a decent guy...

Anyone who has to resort to online dating is usually then surfing through the dregs

So it's hardly a good comparison

SammyScrounge · 28/08/2022 23:22

Sometimes on this site I feel really sorry for men. It is so unfair to tar them all with
the same brush.

LocalHobo · 28/08/2022 23:24

They are all just ass holes
Yes, I bet they go around making generalisations, just like an ass hole would.

if a woman has had several bad relationships it does not always mean the issues are with her as you are implying
It does point to her being rather a poor judge of character surely?

Thankfully the men I encounter seem far removed from those Namechange007 describe.

Soproudoflionesses · 28/08/2022 23:25

I love my DH but jeez sometimes life would be easier if it was just dd and me.
Maybe l am just selfish but sick of his feelings trumping mine - he is allowed to sulk but if l ever pull him up on something, am told l am too sensitive.
My best friend is in a relationship with a proper fuckwit - he refuses to meet any of her friends so l won't ever get the chance to decide this for myself but what she tells me about him l don't need to meet him.

Annieisalright · 28/08/2022 23:25

SammyScrounge · 28/08/2022 23:22

Sometimes on this site I feel really sorry for men. It is so unfair to tar them all with
the same brush.

I more feel sorry for the women posting on this thread, imagine leading a life so sad you blame all these issues on men.

Thankfully I've never encountered any man as described by any PPs

Suetwo · 28/08/2022 23:27

God yes. No way would I ever live with a man again. So many men go from being pathetic, sniggering, overgrown adolescents to miserable old men without anything in between. I have known several women trapped in bad marriages to miserable, moaning, selfish oafs. They think they’ll never cope on their own. Then something happens (he dies, or cheats, or they leave him) and they find they are happier than ever before.

Parky04 · 28/08/2022 23:27

Majority of women want children. There is a 50% chance that your child will be a boy, why do you want babies? Strange thread!

ThirtyThreeTrees · 28/08/2022 23:28

I don't agree with you but know a lot of women agree with you.

My dad and brothers are really decent people.

My male friends are good craic, very respectful. Genuine friendships and none of them are friends with me because they fancy me. (Albeir different in my 20s)

I work in a largely male environment- about 10% of them are insufferable but the decent ones call them out on it pretty quickly.

I've never had a bad boyfriend. Again genuine and decent. May have had some issues and things didn't work out but no nastiness in any of them.

FOJN · 28/08/2022 23:29

SammyScrounge · 28/08/2022 23:22

Sometimes on this site I feel really sorry for men. It is so unfair to tar them all with
the same brush.

Not ALL of them, just most of the ones we've met.

I think the MGTOW is one of the saddest men's movements I've seen. Not sure if they hope it will teach us a lesson but I don't think we should hurt their feelings by telling them women everywhere are thinking, "off you fuck then".