I have outgrown men

[Namechanged007]

Before all the namalt brigade come along I'm well aware.

Thing is it's true I have outgrown the ridiculouness and childishness of men.

I'm married but even so I feel like I'd be better off alone most of the time. Nothing wrong with dh as such but I'm more able and stronger alone.

I have just been to the pub and all the women were complimentary of each other. Going with the flow. And enjoying themselves. The men were either grumpy or showing brovado. There was an incident on our table that involved new men intimidating each other and I just went home.

The thing is this isn't a table of young men. It's professionals and grown ups. I just cant be bothered with it.

None of the women got involved but it spoilt the night.

I told dh I don't have time for such pathetic behaviour.

It never ends. It doesn't matter how old or wise we become men seem to revert back to this strange behaviour.

I deal with it day in day out at my work and I simply can't be bothered. If I never had to see another man, mansplaining, dominating conversation, throwing their weight around, bravado, dick measuring, causing a scene in my life it would be too soon.

Absolutely done with it.

But being always single is unbelievably lonely, I don’t know why anyone would mock an other person for saying that.

And yet, survey after survey has shown that the happiest people are single women and married men.

Always watchin (mostly) happy couples, I don’t know what it is with MN, but most people seem to have good relationships.

Maybe, but you never know what's really going on in a relationship unless you're in it. And maybe not even then.

What is it with this place and insist that single women so happy and married women miserable?
I don’t think it’s helping anyone.

Why aren’t single people aloud to be sad?
Most people want and seek out relationships, time after time again.
Doesn’t that tell that relationships are pretty great?

@AllAloneInThisHouse aren't you trying to find someone if that's how you feel? Not being goady but you have control to find someone for you if you want.

I think a lot of women here are saying, no, we don't want it. For the reasons they give, which seem fine.

Sweet isn't it? Pity and a t. Just need a biscuit now.

What is it with this place and insist that single women so happy and married women miserable?

It's not 'this place'. Study after study has shown that life satisfaction declines for women after marriage, while the opposite is true for men.

That's not to say that there aren't plenty of happy married women, but as a general rule, it seems to be the case that single women are happier than married women.

Except that's not true

The studies cited are on married women with children

Long term studies have actually found the opposite, that those married are happier than their single counterparts (both men and women)

journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0265407505056438

It's most likely the issue is the children over the husband

I am very happily married, my DH is fab and we have a great relationship.
However, I've said to DH that if I were to ever find myself single I probably wouldn't have a relationship with another man. He gets it and doesn't blame me.

I can't access that study, but it refers to 'individuals', not women.

Isn't that study old (2005) and the newer study confirms the single women are happier than those married?

@IcedPurple

The full data set is split by sex

All the studies into this issue saying women are better off without men are specifically married women WITH children

They're also snapshot studies, so some will have been married a few years others decades

Long term studies show the opposite, and follow couples throughout and sample every few years

Considering childless men and women are happier than those with children the likely hood is, it's the children dragging the married women down in the studies you parrot on here

The long term study copied is indeed from 2005

However the studies parroted on here are for women with children

They're also snapshot studies, not done over a length of time

Considering studies also show Childless men and women are happier than their child having counterparts, it's more likely it's the children dragging the married women down on the studies mentioned thus far. Over the spouse

All the studies into this issue saying women are better off without men are specifically married women WITH children

They're also snapshot studies, so some will have been married a few years others decades

Long term studies show the opposite, and follow couples throughout and sample every few years

Have you got current, accessible links supporting these claims?

Here is a more accessible article for you and a snippet to help, since you're not capable of Independant research

All of the studies listed here saying married women are worse off than single women (very few of them actually, most online is just reposting of the same few) were done on small sample size and the methodology has been continually criticized. Most are done via phone calls and all were women with children. Again, since studies show childless people are happier than those with children, it's most likely having children that's the key factor in those marriage studies parroted on here.

'According to science, no. Historically, large studies show that, on average, married people report greater happiness later in life than unmarried people. Separated and divorced people tend to fall into a less-happy bucket, while the never-married and widowed fall someplace in between. Studies also report upticks in happiness in the lead-up to weddings and just afterthe so-called “honeymoon effect”though this benefit to happiness gradually wanes to slightly above pre-wedding levels over time. These positive effects of marriage on happiness are there for both women and men.'

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/ismarriageereallybaddforwomenss_happiness

Here is a more accessible article for you and a snippet to help, since you're not capable of Independant research

Since you linked to an article from "The Greater Good Magazine", which appears to have a rather pseudo scientific agenda of its own, I'm not sure you're all that great with 'Independant' research yourself.

Why so rude?

But the rest of the article puts a much greater degree of context around it, and rather supports the OP's point? The boorishness nature of the men that she encounters has put her off. The article is good, because its pointing out what people don't like, and perhaps men are more guilty of not meeting these requirements.

After elementary school, skills that help us form, strengthen, and sustain long-term social bonds—like empathic listening, expressing gratitude, or forgiveness—are rarely practiced. We mostly assume these abilities will arise with maturity.

The links to the studies are included in said article

It's not rude to point out laziness

People are posting very biased 'research' on here to back up their bias

Which is expected but come on, at least engage your brain a little bit before doing so

@LexMitior

Men being annoying doesn't make the 'married women are less happy' trope true

There are long term studies showing the opposite

The only research showing married women are less happy is continually criticized based on methodology and the fact all of that very small sample size of women had children

Children are known to make both men and women less happy

Odds are it's the kids

@DaughterofBrum , "God give me the confidence of a mediocre male."

Marriage is for children really. And maybe most of the labour related to children falls on the woman.Really, that's about the core relationship about who does what, not children. Until that time, you can sort of pretend that your marriage makes you more committed than people who aren't, which is true in the legal sense, but in any other way, its just still people making promises. Thats acknowledged in the last bit:

Getting married won’t automatically make you a happy person. In fact, you can gain similar benefits from other kinds of relationships with friends and relatives. In building a happier life, both women and men all have something better than magic. We have the ability to learn the specific skills we need to forge and maintain better relationships of all kinds.

Except it's not

Many married childless couples are happier than their peers with children

The studies used by the miserable on here to claim validity in their view that women are less happy when married aren't valid due to this issue

Also studies into women in relationships also doesn't find they're less happy than married women

So being with a man isn't the cause of married womens dissatisfaction

The common denominator is possibly that with the ending of each shitty relationship, her standards have risen considerably higher.

And fair fucking play to her! 💜

So being with a man isn't the cause of married womens dissatisfaction.

Except for all the women who say it is.

I can well believe that children don't make life fun. They are hugely overrated and for long periods of time, boring or unpleasant.

What makes heterosexual marriage difficult for women is that they often discover that their husband is just another child who they have to manage.

And which women are they?

Women in relationships (other than marriage) with men aren't less happy than single women

Married Women with children are found (on a small scale) to be less happy than single women

Both men and women with children are less happy than children men and women

What is so hard to understand?

The difference is the children

Not the marriage

You clearly don't read Mumsnet much.