For being annoyed at DH for not leaving with me last night?

[Heatherbell1978]

Night out last night with a big group; we're all parents so this rarely happens! I was done by midnight so said to my (drunk) DH that I was ready to go. Gathering started late afternoon and people were generally starting to disperse anyway. DH kind of grunted and said right see you later.
This isn't unusual for him, he has complete FOMO and generally won't leave a party until he's kicked out.
So then 2 hours it took me to get home. Night buses didn't stop as they were full, no taxis, Uber rates extortionate and I ended up walking most of the way (I'm 7 miles away from a city) before getting a bus to take me to a nearby town...and then walking from there.
DH arrived home about 20 minutes later having got a taxi - there were black cabs by that point.

He hasn't even registered that I walked alone in the dark for hours last night. Am I right to be annoyed or should I just shrug it off?

OP, apologies if you were "taken aback" by last night's comment. I'm sure you're lovely really, and you're right that this should be a helpful space. So I apologise for my terminology but you did ask and I still see no reason why you are annoyed at your other half.

You knew it was a rare night out, you know your husband stays the distance, you chose to leave with no real plan, you decided not to pay surge pricing (and if you're in a festival town this was hardly a surprise at midnight), you chose not to go back to the party when transport was difficult, you then chose to walk and take some outlandish method of getting home that took 2 hours... And yet you're annoyed at him for simply getting a taxi that you could have easily got in yourself if you'd waited a little longer?

If it's not "fucking nuts" its certainly a little, erm, unhinged?

Why won’t you admit that you are a controlled and surrendered woman dammit 😂

It annoys me when I feel like I need to leave on some one elses schedule on a night out. It seems to happen every time.

I've started getting them a taxi and staying out later and getting myself home later.

Meanwhile in the real world. Husband and wife are at a party. Husband is a bit tired - says shall we go soon? Wife says - actually I’m having a good time - 20 more mins? Husband agrees.
Then reverse the next time they go out. Nothing down trodden or controlling about that.

Otherwise they’re paying £££ for two taxis every time they go out for the sake of an extra hour or so? That makes no sense.

@eldora 🤣I’m so confused right now. I have no idea how my husband is suddenly controlling for wanting to accompany me home from a party to our home, in a taxi together. And why I suddenly have no social life or friends? Pretty much the opposite of reality.

Well your relationship seems to consist of one of you letting the other do things or nagging the other one until they give in. Your posts.

I’m explaining that I can only go on what the poster wrote. If she meant something totally different she should have wrote it. Try to keep up. There’s a love.

@LittleBearPad There’s no nagging. We’ll chat about when we want to go home, agree then one of us may need a nudge. Sometimes it’s me that needs to be nudged. Which to be honest I’m more than grateful for the next day when it comes to the hangover. You’re misinterpreting what I’m saying. Likewise DH would probably say the same. Neither of us is forcing the other to do anything. If I desperately wanted to stay at a party to 2am he’d be fine with it. But neither of us really want to stay out that late anymore so we’re normally on the same page…

If DH was having a great time and wanted to stay for hours I’d equally leave him to it. It just doesn’t happen. Maybe we’re too old..

But this is nagging?

@LittleBearPad Our relationship consists of us nagging at each other? You’ve deduced that from one paragraph? Just because we tend to go home from parties to our home, together. Mumsnet gets stranger by the day..

As another poster says, we can only go on what you post?

I’ve said nothing about your whole relationship. But the paragraph above suggests nagging.

If you don’t want people to misconstrue what you’re writing try writing either more clearly or more truthfully.

@LittleBearPad Not really, I’m pointing out he’d wait for me so we could go home together rather than leave me to go home alone. He may suggest leaving a few times..I don’t really mind. I’ll ignore him until I think it’s time. It could be more of a glance that says ‘shall we go’ rather than him hassling me.

I’m pointing out that for most couples (unless they want to go home at precisely the same time) then there’s always a bit of a compromise. But we normally want to go home at similar times or within half an hour or so.

Then you say ‘I’ve said nothing about your relationship’.

Again. Bizarre.

You’re right. Everyone else is wrong. And nothing you have said is in anyway misleading or confusing… will that make you feel better?

Not everyone else @LittleBearPad just you. Making sweeping assumptions and comments on my relationship based on a few lines. Of course I’m going to pull you up on it.

For the record, my DH waiting at a party slightly longer than he wants to or vice versa so we can share a cab to our home together is not controlling and doesn’t make me downtrodden. It seems normal behaviour in my circle of friends. Maybe my friends are all controlling and down trodden because they leave parties together.

It’s not ‘everyone’ though. It’s just you and one other bizarrely pedantic poster refusing to believe the perfectly reasonable @Delatron

Yawn

What a riveting response 😂

OP, I think you're being a martyr. He wanted to stay out, you wanted to go home earlier, you did so and couldn't fiond or wouldn't pay for a taxi. He could and did, and got home just after you.

It reads like you want to punish him for your crap journey and his easy one.

I thought it as valuable as your own.

I wonder if DH habit is to do this ie drink too much and then really there is no negotiation of a plan either at evening outset or end? I’m similar to you re standing around waiting for transport and anyway I like walking. However in this situation and if. I was tipsy my judgement to do this would be a bit impaired. I think it’s pretty unchivalrous of your DH to not be concerned and check that you had safe transport. If he was too drunk I’m surprised there was no one checking this out as you left. As sad recent events show the late streets aren’t very safe especially for a woman. To let you go off into the night alone shows a general self centred ness of all that noticed and yes especially DH if sober enough to know what was happening. The inference that it was your responsibility suggests you would have had to boringly hang around until DH had decided to leave. You went as a couple he needed to negotiate not just do what he liked but mainly shouldn’t have let you go till transport sorted!!!!