DH has no time for our dog

[PokeInTheBum]

A few years ago DH said he wanted a dog, a German shepherd. I said no as I didn’t want the hair or a large animal to have to look after. He kept on about wanting a dog and assured me that he’d be 100% responsible for it. I said if he was that desperate for a dog he could get a little one like a French bulldog. He reluctantly agreed and we got a frenchie puppy. At first he adored him and was with him all the time. He took him to a basic obedience 6 week course and would come home frustrated saying the dog wouldn’t do anything and he was a laughing stock at the class. He was working on stuff with him inbetween classes (daily) but would always come back furious from the class saying it was pointless. I started going with him for support but to be fair it was embarrassing, ours was the only dog that wasn’t progressing and we couldn’t get him to do anything other than “sit” and even that was only 50/50. Didn’t help that the instructor made jokes about it and drew everyone’s attention to it. At the end of the course everyone was presented with their certificates whilst we were “gently told” to book onto a repeat course.

DH decided against it and whilst he continued walking the dog etc it was obvious that he was losing interest. We couldn’t get him house trained, he was incredibly destructive and wrecked everything in sight. We had a behaviourist in as well as a trainer but neither have been any help.

Then 3 years ago DH told me he needed a proper dog and was buying a German shepherd puppy. I agreed because I saw how much it was getting him down not having this dog. He was going to all sorts of shows, displays and meet ups etc for 2 years prior.

we got the German shepherd. DH finally has the dog he wanted. It excelled at the basic obedience class and then went on to pass the advanced obedience class and all the kennel club awards. DH’s office is full of certificates and rosettes from him activities with the dog and to be fair he does 100% of the work with her.

Trouble is his tolerance for the frenchie is now rock bottom, he gets annoyed just hearing him wander around the house. He refuses to clean up its piss and shit saying he’s not “doing it anymore” with a 6 year old dog. To be honest I think he actively dislikes the dog.

I have taken on responsibility of the frenchie but the way DH makes it so obvious he doesn’t want him around upsets me. He’ll literally make the frenchie move off the sofa so the German shepherd can sit there.

We ended up arguing about it last night and he said it’s my fault as I pressured him to get a dog he didn’t want and if I’d just agreed to the shepherd in the first place none of this would have happened.

So, is it all my fault??

@Eeksteek how exactly has "the poor thing" been set up to fail from the get go?

I swear there is more projection and emotive bollocks going on on this thread than at Cineworld.

What happens if the GS health suddenly goes? Hip problems etc.

Think he’ll love her so much then?

@Quincythequince if you bothered to actually read the thread, or even just the OPs responses you'd have an answer to this.

I agree with this. Three trainers haven't been able to train this dog. The OP and her husband have spent time and money to try to train the dog, and it sounds like they both have previous experience dog training. But still in six years the only thing the dog can do is sit (sometimes). It sounds like the dog has been given every chance to succeed, but now both the OP and DH have given up on housetraining as they've found (and it's been corroborated by experts) that the dog is untrainable.

Actually the shepherd is a breeze so it’s not like we have 2 problem dogs

No you have 2 problem humans

Is it all your fault? No, it is equally both your faults

He wasn't "forced" to get another breed he agreed to compromise on another breed

You both didn't do your homework and got a fashion breed with extreme deformities and known to be stubborn it was predictable it would be a challenge. Any research will tell you frenchies are difficult to toilet train.

The novelty of this challenging dog wore off quickly

You both then agreed to do something even more ridiculous, instead of prioritising and putting your energies into the dog you had already committed to, you added into the mix a GS, which was always going to result in the frenchie being at best 3rd class and its needs neglected

Another poor dog leading a sad and low quality life due to feckless humans. Breaks my heart.

At 6 years old and not housetrained he is probably unlikely to be rehomed. So you are left with the choices of 1) you both give the dog the live he deserves, 2) wait for him to die off, 3) PTS and put the poor thing out of its miserable life.

Stop trying to work out whose fault it is how you got into this situation and focus on what you are both going to do to fix it. You cannot in good conscience allow this situation to continue.

Who made the decision to get a French bulldog? You said the breed “was chosen” but by whom? They are a notoriously difficult breed to train.

I’m a bit surprised by all the suggestions to rehome him. I know you’ve said you won’t do that and well done to you. A dog is a lifetime commitment, it shouldn’t be got rid of for the owner’s convenience. It’s a shame your DH is so childish in the way he interacts with the dog, but it sounds like you love and care for the dog so he should be fine.

Your husband sounds vile. Is he like this with any children you have? Only liking the ones that achieve the best? It’s not normal for a dog to not be house trained at this age poor thing is probably stressed dogs can pick up tension from humans and in turn it makes them stressed. You seem to support your husband with this attitude so it makes you no better. I would say rehome but as you have not even mastered the basics of house training with this dog it would make it a challenge to rehome. Honestly people like you should never be pet owners.

And I said earlier that rehoming is an option for them, for the sake of the dog, not because the dog isn’t meeting their standards. However I said they need to take their time to find it a safe and loving home, not just chuck it into a dog home.

but to continue to openly resent the dog whilst it lives in their home through THEIR OWN CHOOSING is not okay. It’s not acceptable and it’s very concerning that you would defend a man who openly resents his dog with arguments like ‘but but but he didn’t want that breed’. Tough tits. He chose to get the dog, therefore when the dog is in his care he should treat it properly and not openly resent it. Both he and the OP are equally responsible for both dogs. They should be treated equally and that isn’t happening here.

And I think people are defending the dog because the OP hasn’t done enough. She just hasn’t. You asked me what I would do and I told you what I would do. I wouldn’t have given up as the OPs DH very clearly has. He did a few years, got himself a new dog and left the rest to the OP. So yeah, he’s a dick who doesn’t serves this dog, the GS or any other dog to be frank. So sure, let them go ahead and bung it off to an overloaded charity who has loads of dogs to deal with, because the dog doesn’t suit them. Honestly, no wonder there are so many dogs desperately looking for good homes when people like you see them as extensions to your lives that you can just ditch without completely exhausting every single possible option - which the OP has absolutely NOT done. Two trainers is fuck all in this situation.
An owner is EVERYTHING to a dog. What a shame some shitty owners can’t say the same for their poor dogs.

I can recommend Phoenix French Bulldog rescue to rehome him. They would work on his toilet training before rehoming him, and he would go to an experienced foster first. They assess each dog appropriately and are meticulous in their checks of potential homes.

I have a frenchie and he is almost human like in his need for emotional attention and physical closeness. If my husband started ignoring him he would definitely have behavioural issues. He wasn’t easy to train, took about 6 months for full toilet training. He hasn’t been trained to do much else other than sit on command, or go to bed when told…but he’s not a performing monkey and we love him as a member of our family.

I think you need to put this poor wee dog first and give him a chance of happiness by considering that you guys are not the right family for him.

OP - I hope if you do rehome you do it with a hefty donation to the charity who will look after it.

@Kanaloa

Eh, what are you on about?

We have a dog, thanks. He's a lovely big lad, perfectly well behaved and toilet trained very easily as a puppy.

I wouldn't choose a daft untrainable toy breed because I'm not stupid. 😂

Good for you. I’m simply saying that I think the bar for ownership should be higher - to me deciding to kill a puppy because it isn’t toilet trained within 6 months isn’t acceptable. That’s why I wouldn’t get a dog. Because they are a huge, huge responsibility for a long period of time.

OP, not sure you will read this in amongst the bedlam your post has caused, but just wanted to say well done for sticking by the frenchie and loving it despite it being hard. Ive had multiple dogs and the puppy phase almost broke me with the latest - but i knew it would end. Sounds like you've been stuck in that phase for 6 years! You must be tired and frustrated, so well done for sticking by this dog. Please dont 'just stop looking after it' as suggested by others. It might not have been a great decision to get it - but from what i can see you have behaved admirably in sticking by the dog

I have reads the thread, all of it.
The OP is proud of his GSD because she’s a biddable animal that wins awards, performs well and is an example. She sounds lovely.

As soon as she starts to perform less well and perhaps have issues, there is no doubt in mind that she will fall out of favour too.

You were both very unreasonable to get a French bulldog and expect it to be any different. Frenchies are the least trainable breed there is. The dog training class were taking the piss to even take you on. It is very very common for frenchies to be very very hard to housetrain. A quick google would have told you all of this. This is so unfair on the frenchie. It is what it is you bought a breed without even bothering to research. Plus the fact that these issues are exacerbated by the huge amount of indiscriminate breeding of these dogs meaning the bad traits are endemic. If I were you I would rehome the frenchie to more suitable owners.

Because he didn’t want the dog and didn’t accept it and support it properly. It doesn’t trust him to meet its needs because he isn’t. I didn’t want Beagles (my daughter did) but we have them and I researched their character traits and strengths and specific training methods. I give them what they need and set them up for success. They feel safe and are well behaved (for their breed). I didn’t say ‘a Labrador can be trained like this and I like them best, so I’m going to treat them like labradors and then withdraw my affection when they don’t behave like labradors’. Do you really think the dog can’t feel his indifference (at best)? Even if he’s not yelling at it (and I bet he is) it can feel the disapproval and it’s unhappy. Content dogs with even half-decent training toilet outside. Anxious ones don’t. The dog is anxious. It needs more affection and support, not less in favour of another one. Dogs are very perceptive. And breed MATTERS. It’s no one’s fault - it was a logical compromise. But now, you accept the situation like an adult, learn about the dog you have, do the best you can and own it. You don’t get another one, check out of the first one and then blame the dog for your poor management of it.

Toileting indoors is commonly anxiety in dogs. And I don’t blame it. It never had a chance. I don’t think he even wanted it to succeed, so he could get his beloved GS. It’s verging on weaponised incompetence and punishing the OP because he couldn’t have his preferred dog species. He sounds awfully childish over both dogs. Who puts up basic obedience certificates?

OP is also a bit unreasonable for suggesting a difficult breed, by the sounds of it (I don’t know much about small breeds). Breed matters. A LOT. And a little research would have been sensible.

Let's focus on the positives. Your Frenchie may be untrainable but he is cuddly and warm natured, so great for your kids. Don't bother with sit, stay training. Focus on toilet training.

You will need to take up the flooring that he currently uses. Clean the area thoroughly with a pet urine remover to break down the enzymes. Replace with some chap Lino for now that can be cleaned immediately if there are accidents. Don't let him access other areas freely.

Now place a square of that soiled floor in the garden and take him out to it regularly. Do not come back inside until he has performed a wee or poo. Lots of praise if he does. Use high value treats such as hot dog or cheese maybe. Don't stop until he gets it.

Must have missed this post about how he couldn't bear to to leave his previous GSD with hip dysplasia alone so he slept in the living room with it. The OP who knows him and has an issue with how he's treating the frenchie also doubts the the GSD would fall out of favour if it got old/disabled.

So many people being harsh as usual. (And horrified at the ones saying PTS).

Sure, OP and husband (mutually!) decided on a dog that turned out not to be perfect or a great fit for their needs, but OP @PokeInTheBum :

1. loves the dog
2. looks after the dog
3. isn’t planning to rehome the dog
4. has spent a LOT of money on training and behaviourists to try to address the dog’s problems

Not sure what else she can do in that situation? She takes responsibility for the dog and seems like her DH now would prefer to opt out, though it’s equally his ‘fault’. (though hard to make anyone love someone they don’t love).

I am v sympathetic OP - I too have a problem dog and have spent a lot of money on behaviourists…ultimately it’s our responsibility to manage and we don’t mind as we love him.

Just like with children, you don’t always get the dog you expect but you hopefully adapt and learn to live with and love the dog you have!

This

Ah, ok. I did miss this post.

Still, he has capacity for love and caring, just not for the little Frenchie.

Someone who can’t tolerate all annoying/poorly trained/unable dogs is somehow more understandable than a person who picks and chooses. The dog isnot trying to upset the OP DH.

He’s still a dick.

Aww. If he a dog person he'd love both dogs and Not have favouritism towards one. I have 4 dogs some more naughty than others but I'd never give up on them as I chose to have them and I love them all equally.

Really? Even though her husband had a GSD with health issues before, and slept downstairs with it for a year to keep it company?

Why do you assume that?

If a dog had being peeing and crapping all over my floors for the last six years, with absolutely no chance of that changing (as confirmed by an external trainer) then I'd run out of patience too, to be honest. If his gripe was that the frenchie wasn't good at agility or couldn't perform tricks as well as the GSD, I'd agree that DH should be have more patience but that's not the problem. It's not the little dog's fault, but for whatever reason, it is unable to be housetrained and that's not a minor annoyance. It stinks, it's unhygienic, it's damaging the house and he's potentially facing another eight years of it.

He's not reacted well to the situation, and he's as responsible as the OP for buying an inappropriate dog, but I have some sympathy as if I were in that situation I'd find it intolerable too.

Or even better rehome the husband.
I'm not a dog lover but cruelty (and this is what he's being) to animals imo is a massive red flag. Appalling man.