DH has no time for our dog

[PokeInTheBum]

A few years ago DH said he wanted a dog, a German shepherd. I said no as I didn’t want the hair or a large animal to have to look after. He kept on about wanting a dog and assured me that he’d be 100% responsible for it. I said if he was that desperate for a dog he could get a little one like a French bulldog. He reluctantly agreed and we got a frenchie puppy. At first he adored him and was with him all the time. He took him to a basic obedience 6 week course and would come home frustrated saying the dog wouldn’t do anything and he was a laughing stock at the class. He was working on stuff with him inbetween classes (daily) but would always come back furious from the class saying it was pointless. I started going with him for support but to be fair it was embarrassing, ours was the only dog that wasn’t progressing and we couldn’t get him to do anything other than “sit” and even that was only 50/50. Didn’t help that the instructor made jokes about it and drew everyone’s attention to it. At the end of the course everyone was presented with their certificates whilst we were “gently told” to book onto a repeat course.

DH decided against it and whilst he continued walking the dog etc it was obvious that he was losing interest. We couldn’t get him house trained, he was incredibly destructive and wrecked everything in sight. We had a behaviourist in as well as a trainer but neither have been any help.

Then 3 years ago DH told me he needed a proper dog and was buying a German shepherd puppy. I agreed because I saw how much it was getting him down not having this dog. He was going to all sorts of shows, displays and meet ups etc for 2 years prior.

we got the German shepherd. DH finally has the dog he wanted. It excelled at the basic obedience class and then went on to pass the advanced obedience class and all the kennel club awards. DH’s office is full of certificates and rosettes from him activities with the dog and to be fair he does 100% of the work with her.

Trouble is his tolerance for the frenchie is now rock bottom, he gets annoyed just hearing him wander around the house. He refuses to clean up its piss and shit saying he’s not “doing it anymore” with a 6 year old dog. To be honest I think he actively dislikes the dog.

I have taken on responsibility of the frenchie but the way DH makes it so obvious he doesn’t want him around upsets me. He’ll literally make the frenchie move off the sofa so the German shepherd can sit there.

We ended up arguing about it last night and he said it’s my fault as I pressured him to get a dog he didn’t want and if I’d just agreed to the shepherd in the first place none of this would have happened.

So, is it all my fault??

It sounds like you just gave up on trying to train the Frenchie and doesn’t sound like either of you love it to be honest. If I were you, I’d rehome it to someone who had knowledge of the breed and will actually put the work in.

I was simply curious as to what ‘wouldn’t put up with a dog not being house trained after 6 months’ entailed. I guess that shows a different set of priorities because I wouldn’t kill a puppy I’d chosen to get after 6 months because it couldn’t toilet train. Then again that’s one of the reasons I wouldn’t get a puppy - it’s a huge commitment for the dog’s whole life.

Knowing the dog would react like this, and still doing it anyway, is not amusing.

It’s utterly shite behaviour from the owner.

Making mistake during training is one thing. Repeating an action the dog has almost no chance of being successful at, is bad.

It’s effectively bullying.

The GSD sounds like the most sensible creature in that house.

Ah, I've just seen you've already tried a whole load of training/behaviourist. If you don't re-home the Frenchie, you probably do need to just keep cleaning it up. Maybe restricted where he can go in the house (and don't replace the floor yet)?

You DH is a prize cunt - he should have a certificate for that.

I just want DH to stop resenting him so much

I don’t think that’s possible. I love dogs, you and your DH obviously love dogs, but even the most ardent dog-lover would struggle not to resent a dog that can’t obey any commands, pisses and shits in the house and appears to have no other redeeming qualities.

I think you must be a nicer person than me. I also think your DH must be a nicer person than mine! Because we’d definitely have had a ‘It’s me or the dog’ situation before now.

Don’t resent your DH for resenting the dog.

I’ve no idea what to suggest in this scenario because if your dog genuinely cannot be trained (& it sounds that way if 2 behaviourists and both you and your DH have failed) then it also cannot be rehomed somewhere really as no one wants an incontinent dog.

But stop resenting your DH.

If this were Reddit, I'd say ESH.

The French bulldog was an awful idea. You both purchased the dog despite it not being what either of you want. It sounds like the dog has some serious problems if it wasn't able to react to any training whatsoever in three year (before the German Shepherd) or pick anything up from the GSD. Based on that, I'm not sure the frenchie is gazing wistfully out of the window at DH and the GSD. Sounds like it might not have the cognitive function to do that.

DH isn't unreasonable to prefer the dog he wanted. His dog is clearly a hobby for him as well, and it sounds like the GSD isn't him dick-swinging or a status thing as some have suggested, but that the breed characteristics of a GSD fits what he wanted from the dog. He seems a great owner to a dog he wanted. If I'd been living with a dog that had been pissing and shitting in the house every day, I'd have lost patience with it long before six years. It doesn't sound like he's cruel to the frenchie, just that he doesn't really bother with it. But he agreed to the dog and still has responsibility for it, which includes picking up after it, caring for it and being kind to it. But at the moment you and DH are both fed up, you think the dog is miserable and your dog may well live until it's 14. I don't think your current arrangement is sustainable.

Have you had a conversation with him, acknowledging that the dog is bad fit, that the dog is both of your responsibility and that it could live for another eight years and how you will manage that? What's his view on that?

Someone i know with a french bulldog actually puts a nappy on it. Apparently its quite common for them to have no awaremess for when they need toilet and be functionally incontinent.

Not sure what made you think a deformed overbred bulldog would be a better choice than an alsation, but he cant act likr he didnt agree to this compromise. Not that he should be horrible to it either. Its not the dogs fault.

. If you think that Frenchie hasn’t picked up on that then you don’t know much about dogs

Tbf this one sounds like it's probably too thick to notice.

At least I’m honest about it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You say you’d keep the dog no matter what? That’s very easy to say when you’re not having to cope with a pet that shits and pees in the house, every single bloody day, year in, year out. Add children running around into the mix and it’s a totally unrealistic option for most people.

I think the OP either accepts that’s her life until it dies or gets rid of the dog. I think she was daft getting it in the first place but if she chooses to re-home or PTS, I wouldn’t judge her for that decision.

Why is he not house trained?

I couldn’t live with a dog that wasn’t house trained, shitting and pissing all over the place. I can understand how your DH feels.

Never get a dog Aldi... it takes most dogs around 10 months to be fully, completely, reliably, comprehensively, house trained.

Far faster to get them generally wanting to go outside and able to hang on a bit, but to get the 100% reliability, rock solid habit built... thats how long it takes. (I won't be bothering to argue with you, you can go look up the science of why that is for yourself. Some peoples puppies APPEAR house trained sooner than this due to extremely good management on the owners part).

And most dogs house training will slip if they're rehomed.

what a terrible shame - neither one of you deserve either dog.

😂😂😂 ffs

😂

@PokeInTheBum Has the frenchie been checked for BOAS? You've either not seen my post or ignored this question.

Reduced oxygen sats and lack of sleep will make anyone stupid and struggle with learning - ask anyone with severe obstructive sleep apnea.

what a git, he's not an animal lover, just wants a status symbol....I feel sorry for the GSD when it gets old and loses continence.

Re home the Frenchie, he deserves a decent life

Housetraining is hardly ever about a dog KNOWING where to go. Dogs feel vulnerable when they toilet and go where they feel safe. If a dog is anxious, it won’t go outside - it will stay in. It’s blindingly obvious that your husband has made the poor Frenchie anxious AF because he doesn’t want it and it knows it can never please him. Poor thing must be miserable, and has been set up to fail from the get go. Your husband is a dick. I think the kindest thing to do would be to rehome your husband, and you keep the Frenchie. Bet it would be a different dog without him around.

That poor dog.

Op already said he has a gas before that when it’s hips got bad he slept on a mattress on the floor with it for a year so I think his going to be treating this shepherd perfectly fine in old age and poor health.

I really feel for you and I am surprised people are saying it is your fault - the Frenchie was a joint decision after all. Your dog does sound challenging but it is notable that your DH is not trying to address this as a couple: more like something has gone wrong with his perfect vision so it is up to you to clean up the literal shit. I don’t have any advice as it sounds like you have tried everything but in your position I would still budget for another behaviourist at some point just to give myself hope it won’t be another 5-10 years of cleaning up. You are doing the right thing by continuing to love the dog, and that is probably the main thing the Frenchie is aware of. It must though make you feel lonely that your DH prefers his perfect life with his perfect dog instead of working things out together. It sounds like both the dog and the DH are unlikely to change though.

do clean up all the mess but he’s urinated so much on the dining room floor that it has ruined the flooring and it all needs replacing. DH will have to do that and so it just adds to the tension. He’s refusing to replace the floor until we no longer have the frenchie.

I do see his point. All blame aside. I wouldn't keep a dog who was so stressed by his surroundings that he could not be house trained by six years old.

I certainly would not replace flooring without some certainty that it wouldn't be ruined again.

Find a home that suits the Frenchie and give it a chance of a happy life.

Good breeders always offer to rehome their dogs incase it doesn't work out, it's part of their reputation at stake.

No, I don’t want to deal with a dog pissing and shitting all over my house - that’s specifically why I wouldn’t get a dog at this time. I personally think the bar for dog ownership is much, much higher than many people seem to feel it is. I think if it’s ‘unrealistic’ to work around a dog’s toileting issues with ‘children running round’ it’s unrealistic for your family to have a puppy. Maybe look for an adult dog so you can ensure it’s toilet trained, or accept that it’s not the right time for a dog.