DH has no time for our dog

[PokeInTheBum]

A few years ago DH said he wanted a dog, a German shepherd. I said no as I didn’t want the hair or a large animal to have to look after. He kept on about wanting a dog and assured me that he’d be 100% responsible for it. I said if he was that desperate for a dog he could get a little one like a French bulldog. He reluctantly agreed and we got a frenchie puppy. At first he adored him and was with him all the time. He took him to a basic obedience 6 week course and would come home frustrated saying the dog wouldn’t do anything and he was a laughing stock at the class. He was working on stuff with him inbetween classes (daily) but would always come back furious from the class saying it was pointless. I started going with him for support but to be fair it was embarrassing, ours was the only dog that wasn’t progressing and we couldn’t get him to do anything other than “sit” and even that was only 50/50. Didn’t help that the instructor made jokes about it and drew everyone’s attention to it. At the end of the course everyone was presented with their certificates whilst we were “gently told” to book onto a repeat course.

DH decided against it and whilst he continued walking the dog etc it was obvious that he was losing interest. We couldn’t get him house trained, he was incredibly destructive and wrecked everything in sight. We had a behaviourist in as well as a trainer but neither have been any help.

Then 3 years ago DH told me he needed a proper dog and was buying a German shepherd puppy. I agreed because I saw how much it was getting him down not having this dog. He was going to all sorts of shows, displays and meet ups etc for 2 years prior.

we got the German shepherd. DH finally has the dog he wanted. It excelled at the basic obedience class and then went on to pass the advanced obedience class and all the kennel club awards. DH’s office is full of certificates and rosettes from him activities with the dog and to be fair he does 100% of the work with her.

Trouble is his tolerance for the frenchie is now rock bottom, he gets annoyed just hearing him wander around the house. He refuses to clean up its piss and shit saying he’s not “doing it anymore” with a 6 year old dog. To be honest I think he actively dislikes the dog.

I have taken on responsibility of the frenchie but the way DH makes it so obvious he doesn’t want him around upsets me. He’ll literally make the frenchie move off the sofa so the German shepherd can sit there.

We ended up arguing about it last night and he said it’s my fault as I pressured him to get a dog he didn’t want and if I’d just agreed to the shepherd in the first place none of this would have happened.

So, is it all my fault??

Some people on MN will always look for a reason it’s all your fault. Or suggest a million things that you should try (which are generally common sense and you will have done). Your expectation that you would be able to house train a dog eventually does not sound unreasonable at all. FWIW you sound like an excellent owner who has tried everything. You either accept he’s a bit ‘special’ and just try to work around it or re-home him. There are no prizes for putting up with a ruined house and the negative affects on your relationship.

You have problems with the first dog that aren't resolved and you get another dog! You both sound irresponsible.

Also, Frenchies are the current in dog for people who follow trends and don't care that they are bred to be a certain way and suffer numerous health problems, breathing issues, wee problems etc. I wish people would quit with the trends when buying pets and get healthy dogs. Breeders and KC are all jointly to blame.

Have you had your Frenchies breathing checked..and I don't mean a once over in the vets I mean properly assessed for BOAS.

Does he sleep propped up on his back, snore loudly, choke regularly...

Some of the 'stupid, can't learn/won't learn, isn't bothered about food/play' stuff may actually be 'struggling to get enough oxygen, permanently knackered, no capacity for learning whatsoever'.

Some of it also might be training methods - I've absolutely seen training styles (even within one methodology) that you'll get great results from with a more dependent breed like a GSD... that would fall flat with a Frenchie, and if you're attempting dominance/alpha/aversive type training methods then that absolutely will not work with a Frenchie (and is very popular with GSD types and GSD clubs still).

I think a Frenchie was a pretty stupid choice if the person doing the training loves GSD's... but presumably your OH has a gob, and a brain, and the ability to research breeds and could have found a smaller, less hair-distributing breed that would have had many similar attributes:

Oversized mini poodle, standard poodle, Berger Picard, Belgian Shepherd Lakenois, Standard Schnauzer...

He didn't bother to do that so I do think he carries some of the blame here.

Actually the shepherd is a breeze so it’s not like we have 2 problem dogs

As a dog lover and owner, I don’t think I’d have much tolerance if my dog wasn’t house trained at 6 years. Your DH clearly has done very well with the GS and hindsight is a wonderful thing and knowing what you know now, I’m assuming you wouldn’t have taken on the Frenchie.

But, you are committed to keeping the Frenchie, which is honourable of you and I’m glad you are, but I think you need to accept that your DH will never have any form of attachment with the Frenchie, he cannot bond with the dog and I get that - my cross-breed rescue is very biddable, trainable and is very much my dog, we have an incredible bond (indescribable and probably irreplaceable) and she is a wonderful canine companion who is loved by all who meet her. I can honestly say hand on my heart that if she was untrainable, I wouldn’t feel the same way about her (but would give her a safe and happy home nonetheless).

I feel so sad for your frenchie. If I were you, I'd rehome him, the peeing in the house is a sign of great stress.

But he HAS been responsible for the dog. He took it to training classes. He tried a belly band when the toilet training wasn't working and took it to the vet when that didn't work. It's not like he's sat there and done fuck all.

They've tried multiple trainers and have been to the vet. What else, realistically, do you want them to do? Most dogs can get nappies off so that also isn't a realistic solution either.

I've never once said his behaviour is acceptable, but it IS understandable. I don't know anyone IRL who would tolerate six years of this behaviour, but obviously everyone on MN would be happy to live with a doubly incontinent dog for a decade or more

And yes, of course you can change your mind about a dog if the situation isn't working and is making you miserable. Nobody should be stuck with a dog they don't want, and equally, no dog should be stuck in a home where their owner clearly resents them.

Rehome DH!

Op labradors and frenchies are completely different in terms of training there's a reason labradors and german shepherd's are used for the guide dogs and in particular German shepherd's for the police because they are highly intelligent and very good to train when breed right.

I think the point is that you shouldn't have gotten the Shepherd while you were having so many problems with the Frenchie.

This is so upsetting to read, that poor little dog!

I'd look into re-homing the dog so it doesn't have to live with two people that don't want it

You don't want to look after it and your husband didn't want one in the first place

It's not a toy you can just cast aside but unfortunately some "adults" think it is

Get rid of the husband and the two dogs. Simple as that

Get shot of all three of em

OMG enough with all the 'rehome this dog' nonsense! NO-ONE IS GOING TO WANT A 6-YEAR-OLD INCONTINENT DOG!!

Rescues are overflowing with people's unwanted pets at the moment and who the hell wants an incontinent dog that has proved untrainable? The dog will be PTS. So either the OP makes that decision or she just owns the problem that she caused and sucks it up for however many years this dog has left.

I’m sorry but I think the frenchie needs to go… for its own sake and happiness. Yes they might be hard to toilet train but I’ve never known of one that is still not toilet trained after 6 years! You say the dog still gets attention from you but that’s irrelevant because the dog will be able to pick up on the behaviour from your DH and it does affect their behaviour so much - the poor thing is probably stressed within an inch of its life no wonder it’s still going to the toilet inside the house! I know you don’t want to give the dog up because you love them but this isn’t about it, it’s about what’s best for the dog and what’s best is a house where they are adored by everyone in the household and they will have a better more positive environment to hopefully thrive and try and train in because this just sounds like hell for everyone… sorry OP.

How has caused the issues? The behaviourist and trainers agree that the dog hasn’t got the capacity to be trained.

Your DH is being unfair on the Frenchie, it isn't the dogs fault, he should still engage with it, but I can see where he's coming from. He wanted a German Shepherd for a reason clearly, he wanted to do all the things you can do with a GS, he didn't want a Frenchie. That may have coloured his behaviour in the first obedience class however, which is unfortunate and that's on him, but you should have gone together them together. Sticking with the trainer is probably wise, but it's best if either you go alone, or you both go. Would you be willing to take responsibility for the Frenchie, so you both essentially have your own dogs that's you care for?

Honestly, for all the negative comments, what was wrong with compromising about which dog? Nothing. Good relationships require compromise. Perhaps a different breed would have been better, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. How can OP be a bad owner when she has stuck with the Frenchie?

For the Frenchies sake you should rehome him with someone who will love him

Yes, probably PTS if no-one else wanted it. Much better than being abandoned in a shelter for years IMO.

However, I'd never choose a breed like that in the first place, so it's a moot point.

Compromise doesn't mean getting a totally inappropriate dog for your circumstances, though. There are loads of breeds between German Shepherd and French Bulldog that would have been more appropriate.

Now they're stuck with a dog that neither of them researched properly (as I don't think either of them really wanted a Frenchie) and on top of that, it toilets all over the house at six years old.

Have you thought of trying a one on one trainer? Maybe groups weren't right for your Frenchie. Very few dogs are untrainable, tailor made training could be the making of it.

Why do you think dogs need to be "adored by everyone in the household " @Adviceandacuppa ? Is that what you need?

It's a dog, not a god. It needs someone to love and care for it and it has that.