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Original poster

Boyfriend bought me a £12 necklace for my 30th birthday

356 replies

Fairylights246 · 28/08/2022 00:49

I've been with my boyfriend for only 9 months, so not a long time I know. But I feel disappointed and sad by the lack of effort my boyfriend has shown for my birthday.

He got me a random joke card that had no relevance to us, and seemed like something he already had lying around. He got me a necklace that literally broke after 10 minutes of wearing it, it looked really cheap, and he told me it was from amazon...I found it and it was £12. Like what?? I don't understand why he has been so cheap?! He is very caring and affectionate, tells me everyday he loves me, but this has just felt so disappointing. We went out for a birthday meal and he suggested we pay half each.

He is not struggling financially, he has thousands in his savings, and often treats himself to new clothes, other expenses ect.

I don't know what to say to him, I don't want to upset him, but I don't feel very special and I feel crappy about the lack of effort, romance, and just general desire to make a fuss of me on my 30th x

OP posts:
AlexandriasWindmill · 28/08/2022 09:51

Either he's mean with money or he just doesn't value you. Either way, life is too short to put up with him. As a belated birthday present to yourself, dump him.

KettrickenSmiled · 28/08/2022 09:55

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I don't think OP expected him to spend any of his savings on her, @Trying20 - seems she only mentioned the savings to show that he's not badly off. She also mentioned that he's not struggling financially ie could have sprung for a non-tatty present & paid for her dinner, just from his normal income.

And he's clearly not cautious with money when he often treats himself to new clothes, other expenses ect. - just cautious about being generous to his g/f on a very significant birthday ...

BreatheAndFocus · 28/08/2022 09:57

He sounds like the kind of person who resents spending money on anyone but himself. The necklace is stingy but making you pay half for your birthday meal is worse. Unless you have reason to believe he’s just immature and thoughtless, I’d be looking carefully at your relationship. Meanness isn’t attractive, and scrooges get worse not better.

Veeve090 · 28/08/2022 09:58

C1N1C · 28/08/2022 09:41

@GreeGreenManalishi , you're missing the point. A good relationship is about a daily show of love, attention and affection, and more importantly, really KNOWING your partner. My wife loves the house to look pristine... for me to hoover is her kryptonite. We earn really good salaries but she'll get upset if I spend more than £50 on a meal, jewellery for her, clothes... for her, her happiness is a comfort in her own environment and travelling. I could buy her a car on her birthday but i know for a fact she wouldn't appreciate it if the bed hasnt been made. Her culture (she is not English) is very anti-tactile... rare kissing, no hand-holding, rarely anything physical at all, and I miss it, that is what i need. The point you're missing is that you can spend all the money in the world on someone, on one occasion and it will mean nothing if you're not receiving those little things you want on a daily basis.
It is the mistake so many people make in relationships... they assume their partner's priorities. I get money, clothes, holidays, events etc from my wife but they mean nothing if I don't get a kiss... that sign that they have listened to what I need from the relationship. That's all I want. This guy is being chastised for not spending a but more money on one day. His mistake is not realising the priority the OP puts on this day. He could be amazing in the rest of the relationship... he could buy her that chai latte that she loves from Starbucks every day because it is her favourite, totalling over a thousand pounds a year, but spends an extra ten pounds on her birthday (not too an impressive a sum)... while another boyfriend could buy that £200 Tiffany necklace on her birthday and get all the credit! However, each to their own... if daily romance guy finds someone who loves daily romance and shows no interest in birthdays, he wins... but if he finds extravagant birthday gesture woman, he loses.

I agree with every word of this.

GreenManalishi · 28/08/2022 09:59

@C1N1C thanks for explaining relationships, when you work out how to get a that blow job let us know

neverbeenskiing · 28/08/2022 10:09

If he's so tight he expects you to pay for your own birthday meal when you're still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship imagine what he's going to be like 5 or 10 years in!

Wheresthebeach · 28/08/2022 10:12

It will not get better. He’s happy to spend on himself but makes no effort for you? Utterly selfish. For a 30th that’s crap.

Datingadvice · 28/08/2022 10:14

He should be making effort on your first birthday together! It will only get worse. Get rid.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/08/2022 10:16

DH might do the necklace off Amazon if he thinks it's something I'd really like, but it would obv that style of chunkier fashion jewellery rather than trying to pass off a diamond pendant iyswim however he'd replace it if it broke that quickly. What did CP say when you said oh no its broke?

Dutch on your birthday is harsh unless there was a prior convo about affordability.
I'm not sure it's fair to put all the pressure on making your bday special on a bf tho tbh, what did other people do, what did you organise?

ScrambledSmegs · 28/08/2022 10:21

Dump him. If he's basically a decent guy it might make him come to his senses. It's highly unlikely (because of him, not because of you) but I have seen it happen. Only once though.

You really can't stay with someone who values you so little.

LuftBalloons · 28/08/2022 10:21

I think in a relationship of only 9 months, the gift isn’t so important. Some people (especially men) can be very bad at presents. But not treating you to dinner on your birthday is a bit of a turn off.

creativevoid · 28/08/2022 10:22

Just dump him, please.

scoobydoo1971 · 28/08/2022 10:24

I dumped someone for not getting me a Christmas present. It was a serious relationship too. I am not materialistic, so did not care that he made time to make a gesture. It tells you who you are setting yourself up with, for the rest of your life. I decided that someone who doesn't make an effort, is not worth my time. If that voice in your head comes back with disappointment and despair, as mine did...get rid, life is too short to settle for major compromise on values. This definitely includes the effort gone into important dates. Anyone who suggested I pay half for my birthday day would be faced with an empty chair as I walked out. He will be expecting you to pay exactly half for the rest of your life. Expecting contributions to everyday life is ok, but on special occasions then Run...because he will be petty and a miser over each and every aspect of your relationship, and that is most unattractive.

surreygirl1987 · 28/08/2022 10:26

Jeez. Women are harsh! My husband and I hardly ever get each other cards and presents at the mo for birthday etc but we show each other we love each other every day. My husband is amazing, adores me, and does so much. I couldn't care less if he gets me a card and present for a birthday or not. Maybe at the start of the relationship, like you, it's nice to feel spoilt a bit but honestly it all sounds a bit childish to me, especially the people saying 'dump him'.

KettrickenSmiled · 28/08/2022 10:28

He will be expecting you to pay exactly half for the rest of your life.

Agree with the rest of your post @scoobydoo1971 - but - really?
Why should a grown woman not be assuming half of a couple's living expenses?

Conchersbonkers · 28/08/2022 10:30

Run away op. Before it gets serious.

savethatkitty · 28/08/2022 10:31

Welcome to the rest of your life with this man. Ditch & run.

Alpha1Delta22445 · 28/08/2022 10:41

Expecting you to pay half on your BIG birthday is mean
If you are 30, you have plenty of time to find someone else

No point in being miserable

Find someone else

ThirtyThreeTrees · 28/08/2022 10:42

It's not about the money, it's about the lack of effort.

When I was very young, my bf was flat broke for my birthday but he hung fairlights in the back garden,covered the place with cheap tea lights. Had a music play list of all my favourite songs and had a fish & chip takeaway. He couldn't afford but did the jar of hearts with notes of everything he liked about me.

Cheap as chips,literally, but a real effort to make me feel special.

Money doesn't matter but effort does. If everything else is good, say it to him, his reaction will tell you if it's worth hanging in there. It probably isn't.

titchy · 28/08/2022 10:43

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Seriously? He made her pay for her own birthday meal. That's not cautious. That's 'You're not really that important in my life and I'm not going to make any effort at all.' Fuck that. Dump.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 28/08/2022 10:46

Thank fuck C1N1C came along and mansplained where we are all going wrong with our relationships! I was really confused about it all until now!

MissPankhurst · 28/08/2022 10:47

I know he says he loves you, although words are the cheapest of the lot but imagine that he meets someone who he can't stop thinking about, adores her, feels cold at the thought of losing her.

Do you think he would buy her a piece of tat and ask her to pay for half her birthday meal?

Drunkencrow · 28/08/2022 10:47

Sounds like he is just cautious with money. Only 9 months in so imo you should try to get over this.

whoamI00 · 28/08/2022 10:47

no, no, No, NO

SleepingAgent · 28/08/2022 10:51

Marvellousmadness · 28/08/2022 06:06

You've been dating for 9 months
So maybeseen eachother 9 times?
What did you expect? A pearl necklace

He ordered you something. Yes maybe cheap but is that really all you care about?it makes you sound shallow af

I'm sure they've seen each other a lot more than that, and she's not shallow, she just knows her worth. What a stupid, goady post.