Is Sil deliberately being a bitch or am I over sensitive?

[Isthisdeliberate]

Never really had good vibes from my sil, she’s a very strong, dominant personality and is often falling out with friends and family and having petty dramas and being angry with people.
Anyway, I’ve always tried to get on with her…really hard!
They’ve been visiting this week and I tried my best to be really welcoming and friendly etc.
Shes texted Dh on way home saying she so hopes he can come over at Xmas (we live abroad) and that their mum would be so excited to see him and our Dd, then she mentions how she had a great time with him and our Dds name and how her Dd is a bit quiet now as a teen but loves him and our Dd…literally no inclusion of me whatsoever, no mention of me…just feels a bit gutting after trying my best, cooking for them etc and spending almost the whole week with them on our hols…am I being too sensitive and reading too much into it, or is she really being a bitch? -she has form for it

Sorry what? He had a message from his sister saying how much she and her DD enjoyed seeing him. What is he supposed to do in response to this, exactly? Kick off? Go NC? I mean, how dare she?
🙄

Eh? How is she hurting op exactly?

She sent a private message to her brother talking about how much she loves him and enjoyed seeing him. She didn't say anything unkind about op at all and was perfectly pleasant during the visits.

Completely agree.

Some of the posters wanting to sow division between the OP's Dh and his sister over this sound positively deranged.

We all read what OP said and we all have opinions that are valid and worth considering
Thank you

Not all...

Opinions might be valid. But the advice might be shit.

Any advice (on any thread) that is inflammatory and might blow a family apart for decades, is not good advice. Especially when given by someone whose only knowledge of the situation and the characters involved is from a MN thread.

Bitchfuckery is pretty unhinged language in the context of the total non event the thread relates to.
That's my considered opinion.

Intentional or not it’s rude on her part.

Common courtesy at least acknowledges a family member’s OH of 25yrs at least once in my book.

She is unfortunately not a particularly nice person.
Try not to take it personally. It’s passive aggressive & insulting which just shows her true colours.
Rise above it.

Mention it to yr DH but only if he sees what she does. In my experience they weren’t able to as they could only see his DSis from his POV & she never did any funny business with him & so when I tried to bring up it just caused conflict.

Would he ever say anything to her on yr behalf ie why are you rude to my wife?? Or are they such small minor aggressions he can’t /wldnt see it?

Given she goes nuclear so easily I’d just let it go tbh.

But make it clear you don’t particularly like her (be civil) &/or waste energy pandering/getting her to like you (not accusing - just know how I am with pple like that who are intimidating).

She sounds like she courts drama - for no good reason.

OP, that is the dictionary definition of snooping. Just admit it.

So if I message my brother and during the conversation say how lovely it was to see him, without specifically mentioning his wife too (though when I left their home I'd thanked her for everything and made the usual pleasant goodbyes to her) I'm rude?

I disagree.