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Original poster

To think ‘fag hag’ is an appalling thing to call someone?

142 replies

TimeAtTheBar · 27/08/2022 19:42

I went out to the pub last night with my husband and our friend who happens to be a gay man. We bumped into another mutual friend (also a gay man, but younger) and then another married couple I know socially. One of the couple (the one I don’t know as well) called me a fag hag. Quite nastily in my opinion, not in an affectionate way.

I know he meant because I was the only woman out with a bunch of gay men (and my husband!) but that’s just the way the evening fell, and I think it’s a wildly offensive thing to say. This is a man in his early 20s, so it’s not a throwback to when it might have been ‘acceptable’.

I’ve been ruminating on it all day, as you do. He was fucking rude, right? Not the most pressing issue ever but I’m bored and home alone so I thought I’d throw it to the vipers.

OP posts:
BlueKaftan · 27/08/2022 19:43

It’s absolutely horrid. Did you call him out?

Anewdayanewdawn · 27/08/2022 19:45

It’s how many gay people
refer to straight women who hang out with grps of men. Not everyone likes a straight hanger on. You must know that?
I wouldn’t have said it to your face but probably would be thinking it…

Antarcticant · 27/08/2022 19:45

Yes, he has managed to be homophobic and misogynistic in one sentence.

Original poster
TimeAtTheBar · 27/08/2022 19:49

Anewdayanewdawn · 27/08/2022 19:45

It’s how many gay people
refer to straight women who hang out with grps of men. Not everyone likes a straight hanger on. You must know that?
I wouldn’t have said it to your face but probably would be thinking it…

That’s why it upset me, he’s implying I’m hanging out in the fringes of a gay crowd or something when this is one of my best friends and another friend of ours who happens to be gay. Not out treading on any scenes or toes.

Yes to homophobic and misogynistic at the same time, that’s exactly how it felt. Like I’d sought out ‘the gays’ for company.

OP posts:
BelleMarionette · 27/08/2022 19:52

I have always seen this term used affectionately, for a woman who hangs out with a gay man or men. Yabu

CrapBag39 · 27/08/2022 19:55

Fuck, haven’t heard that since the 90s has the little scrote got a time machine

StoneofDestiny · 27/08/2022 19:57

Never even heard the phrase.

RachelGreep87 · 27/08/2022 19:58

Nowt wrong with being a fag hag

badbaduncle · 27/08/2022 19:59

Anewdayanewdawn · 27/08/2022 19:45

It’s how many gay people
refer to straight women who hang out with grps of men. Not everyone likes a straight hanger on. You must know that?
I wouldn’t have said it to your face but probably would be thinking it…

WTF?!

It is homophobic and misogynistic and shows a stunted and immature mindset.

Polkadotties · 27/08/2022 19:59

Its not offensive. I’ve got a friend who is straight and she has a lot of male gay friends, she refers to herself as a fag hag

gatehouseoffleet · 27/08/2022 20:00

I thought this was completely different - ie an unattractive woman with a fag hanging out of her mouth!

StridTheKiller · 27/08/2022 20:01

Yet God help you if you say something offensive to a LGBQT.

MrsWooster · 27/08/2022 20:02

Anewdayanewdawn · 27/08/2022 19:45

It’s how many gay people
refer to straight women who hang out with grps of men. Not everyone likes a straight hanger on. You must know that?
I wouldn’t have said it to your face but probably would be thinking it…

Bollocks. She was out with her husband and a friend who happened to be gay. Joined another similar group.
She’s hardly sitting on the sidelines at a chemsex party shouting “oh well done, chaps!”
the person using the phrase sounds desperate to be ‘cool’ and has misjudged the whole shebang.

tobee · 27/08/2022 20:05

Anewdayanewdawn · 27/08/2022 19:45

It’s how many gay people
refer to straight women who hang out with grps of men. Not everyone likes a straight hanger on. You must know that?
I wouldn’t have said it to your face but probably would be thinking it…

Yes all gay people are the same Hmm

dressupinyou · 27/08/2022 20:05

Polkadotties · 27/08/2022 19:59

Its not offensive. I’ve got a friend who is straight and she has a lot of male gay friends, she refers to herself as a fag hag

I guess it depends on the context. If my gay friend called me that I'd take it as it was meant, an affectionate tease about our friendship.
Seems like this guy was using it in a very different and not affectionate way.

Whether this is offensive or not very much depends on who said it, why and how.

Rinatinabina · 27/08/2022 20:05

Yeah its rude and unpleasant. I would have been really pissed off with that. Probably the kind of bloke who makes fish jokes about women as well.

dressupinyou · 27/08/2022 20:06

StridTheKiller · 27/08/2022 20:01

Yet God help you if you say something offensive to a LGBQT.

Really?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 27/08/2022 20:08

Were you outside smoking? fag to me is cigarette

orbitalcrisis · 27/08/2022 20:09

It's a term I've only ever heard used affectionately. It just means a woman who hangs out with gay men as part of their group. It's like women refering to a gay man who hangs out with them as one of the girls. It may be a bit outdated but I've never heard it be used as an insult.

Original poster
TimeAtTheBar · 27/08/2022 20:09

dressupinyou · 27/08/2022 20:05

I guess it depends on the context. If my gay friend called me that I'd take it as it was meant, an affectionate tease about our friendship.
Seems like this guy was using it in a very different and not affectionate way.

Whether this is offensive or not very much depends on who said it, why and how.

Show quote history

Yeah I woke up to a message from my friend this morning saying ‘how’s <our town’s> biggest Fag Hag this morning?’ which was an obvious funny.

The way it was said last night was spiteful. I was a bit taken aback as I’ve literally not heard the phrase since Sex and the City in the 90s.

OP posts:
PurdyLilThang · 27/08/2022 20:12

I’m old (45) but I was always called this affectionately by my gay mates in my youth, as I was often the only straight person out in a crowd of gay boys.

Also got called ‘strictly dickly ’ (aka straight!) by my lesbian girlfriends.

It was banter back then. No idea if it’s a wildly inappropriate cancellable offence these days?!

Lochroy · 27/08/2022 20:14

gatehouseoffleet · 27/08/2022 20:00

I thought this was completely different - ie an unattractive woman with a fag hanging out of her mouth!

Yep, me too! Same as a fag ash Lil!

custardbear · 27/08/2022 20:15

I worked with loads of gay men in the 1990's and in soho we used to party all night long - fag hag then was more affectionate than horrible - it was happy times and so many happy people just enjoying life 🥰

Original poster
TimeAtTheBar · 27/08/2022 20:16

PurdyLilThang · 27/08/2022 20:12

I’m old (45) but I was always called this affectionately by my gay mates in my youth, as I was often the only straight person out in a crowd of gay boys.

Also got called ‘strictly dickly ’ (aka straight!) by my lesbian girlfriends.

It was banter back then. No idea if it’s a wildly inappropriate cancellable offence these days?!

It really wasn’t banter. It was spiteful as in ‘why are you hanging out with gay men’. I’ve only met him a handful of times, I’ve worked with his husband a few times. We literally just met them at the bar, we’d gone out with friend 1 and happened to meet friend 2 in town.

OP posts:
Manekinek0 · 27/08/2022 20:18

I've only ever heard of this being used in a jovial/banter type of way by my gay friends. As a straight person I would never feel comfortable using it. Personally I wouldn't care in that situation, I've been called far worse.

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