To think ‘fag hag’ is an appalling thing to call someone?

[TimeAtTheBar]

I went out to the pub last night with my husband and our friend who happens to be a gay man. We bumped into another mutual friend (also a gay man, but younger) and then another married couple I know socially. One of the couple (the one I don’t know as well) called me a fag hag. Quite nastily in my opinion, not in an affectionate way.

I know he meant because I was the only woman out with a bunch of gay men (and my husband!) but that’s just the way the evening fell, and I think it’s a wildly offensive thing to say. This is a man in his early 20s, so it’s not a throwback to when it might have been ‘acceptable’.

I’ve been ruminating on it all day, as you do. He was fucking rude, right? Not the most pressing issue ever but I’m bored and home alone so I thought I’d throw it to the vipers.

To be fair the guy who said it to you OP might have been being a biatch or he might have been going for arch and witty and missed his mark. You can of course choose to be offended by it, but I probably wouldn't give it head space. It's a term that isn't automatically used offensively and even if that's what he was going for it will be blindingly obvious to the people who you were with that you are not some gay fangirl and he will just have looked a bit silly.

TBH even if you were a gay fangirl, there are plenty of gay guys who thrive on female friendships and it is a great way for a woman to have nights out without having to deal with the usual entitled male attention. Vive la Faghags I say!

Also @PurdyLilThang "strictly dickly" made me LOL with memories 😁

He's in his early 20s and married? Is he particularly religious? As in the mouthful of scripture and a heart full of hate way? In which case, chances are he was being rude

If he's the nieve type then possibly he though he was being funny.

Either way, the term fag hag can be affectionate or offensive, all depends on why the person said it

@Anewdayanewdawn You need to get a grip of that misogyny.

Hear this all the time - many of my gay friends call me it . I don’t bat an eyelid . Nowt wrong with being a fag hag

The moment's gone, forget it.

😄

Haven't heard that phrase since the early 1970s!

@Anewdayanewdawn so if op is a fag hag, what is the term for her husband… personally I would call them both friends?

He was very rude.
It's a horrible outdated phrase.
I'm not sure what the problem is?
Should straight couples not be seen socialising with gay men or is it just straight women that cause the issues.

So did I. Mind you until very recently I thought pegging meant putting the washing on the line 🤫

Oh lord. He made a bit of a tit of himself. I'd be embarrassed for him.

Anyone remember this thing called freedom of expression?

I'm free to offend you and you're free to be offended.

Lose that and society is in a really dark place.

Very rude of him to call you that and from what you've said, it doesn't sound like you even met the criteria of being a "fat hag" when he saw you.

Having said that, I really don't understand why some women have a pathological need to associate themselves with as many gay men as possible. I think it actually quite offensive of them to use another group of generally marginalised people to further her own social image.

I've known women who are desperate to have a "gay friend". Doesn't matter what they're like, what their personality is or if they have anything in common, as long as they're gay they WILL be BFFs. It's really disgusting, and I can agree with the sentiment of some gay people who are sick of it.

In the context and the manner you describe it being said, yes it sounds really rude.

I think it’s meant to be a lighthearted phrase that the woman might use about herself, or a gay man might say affectionately about his friend. It’s not meant to be said by an observer as a criticism- it’s rude in that context!

But I also agree that it’s an outdated expression.

Fag hag was always said affectionately in my memory, but it did have a bit of a cross over with the fag ash lil stereotype of slatternly behaviour

A fag hag was a floosie/good time girl, but one that wasnt controlled by men.

Madonna in Vogue was the classic fag hag

Even tho it seems it was said spirefully (is your husband good looking?) I'd take it as a compliment.

I had three gay housemates at Uni. They called some of their female friends fag hags and the females also called themselves that. It wasn't used in a nasty way.

Yeah it's rude and misogynistic. I bet he uses 'Lipstick Lesbian' too.

It's not affectionate or banter. It's thinly disguised repulsion towards women.

Call him out on it.

Well aren't you nice? Don't worry, I'm sure very few women want to hang out if you have misogynist attitudes like this. Yuk.

I seriously doubt @Anewdayanewdawn is speaking from experience. I'm guessing their friendship pool is pretty shallow if they can't mix with anyone who isn't gay!

He’s a bitchy little tyke isn’t he. I would have replied with, We were here all together first feel free to jog on.

"I'm free to offend you and you're free to be offended." ....and OP is free to talk about being offended and you're free to point out that she's free to be offended and I'm free to respond to you about being free...

What's your point?? 😅

20 years ago it was generally an affectionate term for a woman with gay friends. But your friend meant it as a criticism so sounds like a homophobe and misogynist.

What makes you think referring to women in such derogatory terms is acceptable?

Do you think that being part of an oppressed group means you're not also part of an oppressor group? That it excuses your misogyny?

Is it ok for a woman to go around calling gay men "fag" with obvious revulsion? Women are oppressed after all so that excuses it, right?
I mean I'm brown and I'm female and I'm a lesbian...can I just go around being derogatory to anyone I please in that case?? 🤣

And I'd also like to know why it's only OP that is the "fag hag" why wasn't her husband called a derogatory name, why is it female specific?...could it be ...misogyny 😱😱😱

@Anewdayanewdawn

What do you mean?