To think ‘fag hag’ is an appalling thing to call someone?

[TimeAtTheBar]

I went out to the pub last night with my husband and our friend who happens to be a gay man. We bumped into another mutual friend (also a gay man, but younger) and then another married couple I know socially. One of the couple (the one I don’t know as well) called me a fag hag. Quite nastily in my opinion, not in an affectionate way.

I know he meant because I was the only woman out with a bunch of gay men (and my husband!) but that’s just the way the evening fell, and I think it’s a wildly offensive thing to say. This is a man in his early 20s, so it’s not a throwback to when it might have been ‘acceptable’.

I’ve been ruminating on it all day, as you do. He was fucking rude, right? Not the most pressing issue ever but I’m bored and home alone so I thought I’d throw it to the vipers.

OMG don't try and use lesbians to excuse your blatant misogyny 😂

And stop it with the "trendy" nonsense, women aren't treating grown up men as pets or accessories by being their friend. Grow up 😅

@CantFindTheBeat what he means is he doesn't see women as equal human beings and so he can't understand why other men would have these "hags" as actual friends. They must be "hangers on"

@gatehouseoffleet omg so did i 😂😂 my DH calls my mums friends fag hags in an affectionate tongue in cheek way as quite a couple lived abroad so have that leathery skin and are complete chain smokers.

It’s rude. It’s a label to frame your relationship as a hanger-on; as if your friendship is defined only in the context of being an acolyte of a gay person. It diminishes your relationship to one dimension.

Are you logged because you want everyone to know you have ‘real’ gay man friend and it’s not some temporary thing because your single or something??
yiu thought it was funny in the morning but not at they one?
some gay men just don’t like that one random straight girl trying to join in all the time, maybe that’s what he assumed…

@Anewdayanewdawn You appear to desperate on this thread to attack women who have friends who happen to be gay. It reeks of someone trying to come across cool, a real ‘pick me’ person. Really embarrassing to read.

Thingstodotoday

What the fuck are you on about? 🙄 A (should be “an” thicko) LGBQT (sic) what?

Well that was embarrassing.

I think whether the term is being used in a derogatory or offensive way depends upon context - as you said, your friend made a joke about it the next morning, and that was ok, because he clearly didn't mean it as an insult; whereas the guy who spoke to you at the pub did, so that was offensive.

It's one of those tricky to navigate, reclaimed words/phrases, so it isn't always that clear cut! Rule of thumb for me is - if people call themselves it, and they're usually the people who the term would be aimed at, then that's generally ok; if it's aimed at someone else, then generally it's not, unless you're close friends and you're both in on the joke.

My best friend is a gay man and he calls me this in an affectionate way, I'm often out with him and other gay men he is friends with. I've been friends with him since we were at primary school way before he came out as gay, so I'm not trying to be "trendy" 🙄

I don't really find it offensive.

Fortunately I meant more to my male gay friend than to be called a fag hag, I was aware of women he did call that and I didn't like it. Definitely a term for hangers on desperate for the whole 'guy best friend' accessory. But then I guess he thought of them as pretty fake so it was just s drinking/ smoking "friendship" this was late 90s to early 00s. We're both not into big nights out now and quite settled into our own married lives.

‘@Anewdayanewdawn You appear to desperate on this thread to attack women who have friends who happen to be gay. It reeks of someone trying to come across cool, a real ‘pick me’ person. Really embarrassing to read.’

I have no idea what that means, but I am
gay and ‘fab hag’ is both common and usually meant affectionately, though seems not in that case…

Fag, not fab. Though many fag hags so think they’re rather fabulous!!!

@Anewdayanewdawn you are now contradicting yourself. Enjoy your bitterness against women.

@Anewdayanewdawn ''It’s how many gay people
refer to straight women who hang out with grps of men. Not everyone likes a straight hanger on. You must know that?I wouldn’t have said it to your face but probably would be thinking it…''

@Anewdayanewdawn
''Look, if the shoe fits… it’s not a big deal, most of my gay male friends have a hag or two in tow.''

You sound like you either have a serious issue with straight women or you just wish you had more friends.

Either way your posts are rather sad as well as offensive...

@Witchcraftandhokum What’s embarrassing about it? I think it’s more embarrassing to refer to a gay person as “a LGBQT”, to not know which indefinite article to use when, and to muddle up the acronym all in one fell swoop.

‘You sound like you either have a serious issue with straight women or you just wish you had more friends.’

neither, but there is a certain type of needy ‘fag hag’ that can be super annoying and attention seeking.

Well @Anewdayanewdawn has managed to make the point perfectly of why I found it offensive.

The guy who said it meant it in exactly that context, that he thought I was a hanger on who was out with the gays because they are gay.

Like why would these men want to be actual friends with me, I must be a hanger on.

And the only reason I’d want to be friends with them is because they are gay.

It’s revolting.

I only found my friend’s comment funny in the morning because it was an obvious pisstake based on the other guy’s comment, there’s no double standard there as my friend doesn’t think I’m a hag…

I agree it is a derogatory term. Always was.

Imagine if someone said ‘there’s a certain type of gay person that can be super annoying and attention seeking’. But no one here ever would because it would be a disgusting thing to say. Why is it acceptable for to say this about straight women? You have a serious issue with misogyny and the fact you can’t see that is very disturbing.

Mine too..!
I think I’m saved in his phone as ‘the hag’ still..! It’s said in a similar way to Giles and Mary on goggle box calling each other ‘nutty’

He also calls me fag bangle when it’s just the two of us out - on his arm and looking pretty

We are both early 40s, so also not remotely ‘trendy’

You will only have friends who are gay?

She's offended for herself having been called a hag. Hag means witch or ugly, old woman. Whether it literally means that in 'fag hag' is debatable I suppose, but the insult was towards her, not the gay men.
Are you talking about the fag part of the expression?

But he's married to a man presumably so unlikely to be a religious fanatic.

But she wasn't trying to join all the time so he has no right to insult her does he?