To think some Mumsnet advice is crap?

[Crapadvice]

Lighthearted.

Lots of very good suggestions, kindness, support, not knocking anyone, just having a laugh here.

But there are a few tired old nuggets that keep finding their way onto threads.

Theres the super aggressive, over the top advice, like someone who is mildly annoyed with their husband has to SIT HIM DOWN. why does this always involve sitting him down, like a dog.

Ear plus or headphones as the answer to any excess noise. Does it not occur to people that we need to hear other stuff for a reason?

No, as in no is a complete sentence. No it isnt. I think my friend is a MNetter, I asked if she was free for coffee a couple of months ago. She said ‘no.’ I haven’t asked since!

what’s the worst advice you’ve seen on here?

Depends on the situation. It’s one of those that is very useful to employ against those people that think anything stated in addition to ‘no’ means that it’s open to negotiation.

This needs to be a pinned post on the top of Active Conversations.

A person can say no. And just say no.

But ultimately that makes them sound like a knob. Completely without social skills. If she doesnt want the friendship and for people to think she's a complete weirdo to be avoided then she can continue to act that way with people.

Most people have some social skills that enable them to say no, without being apologetic for it but without it being so hostile

I get you OP, I read things on here and just think that people love the drama, they love shit stirring, they love the idea that a relationship breaks up because of a partners flaws (they have high standards dontcha know), they give all sorts of pseudo legal advice which is plain old wrong.

They call everything abuse, control, toxic, everyones narcassistic and everyone needs to be tested for ASD

I always enjoy like the advice that a couple should never have a glass of wine at the same time as one parent must be ready in case they need to drive their child to A&E.

Does anyone remember the poster who said children should NEVER be left unwatched and took her 5 year old boy to the toilet with her every time to keep him safe?

I pity any poor souls being brought up by such an anxious parent. must be stifling.

I actually think all the LTB posts I've seen have been entirely justified. I'm not sure where this seemingly mythical idea of the thoughtless, blasé or malicious LTB being liberally sprinkled onto happy, healthy relationships comes from. I only joined MN last year when pregnant with my first and I was shocked at the relationship board. There were so many truly awful relationships and partners I actually got quite depressed reading them. The only saving grace was a lot of the responses telling the OP to leave which seemed the only sane response in the circumstances described. I don't know why these LTBs anger so many people - I assume maybe they're in bad relationships themselves and haven't accepted it yet so desperately want the behaviours normalised? Or they're ultra conservative/traditional and fetishise the nuclear family unit so much it overrides any concern for the woman's happiness, safety or wellbeing? God knows what's under the faux concern that normal healthy relationships are being DESTROYED and happy families are being TORN APART by someone posting three letters on a forum. That's not to say it's always easy or simple to LTB but that doesn't mean it's not the right move.

Where I think MN advice is much poorer is when it comes to friendships. I have a lot of happy, close and loving friendships and I think a lot of the advice given here is frankly bizarre lol. People don't seem to respond to their 'friends' with any grace, patience or kindness. Especially anything happy or celebratory like weddings or hen dos or birthdays!! The worst cliche I see here is 'no one but you cares about your pregnancy/children/wedding/birthday/baby shower' etc. Its completely untrue and terrible advice! Of course your friends care! Of course you should make an effort for them!

‘Cut off your friends and get new ones’ when all that’s needed is a bit of communication

Actually I seem to remember reading about Queen Victoria's childhood. She was never allowed to be alone at any moment. I think they called it the Kensington Method.

Don't think she had a particularly close relationship with her mama once she was able to free herself...

Go NC.

People make things up that were never in the OP or in the OPs updates. Lunging from he doesnt do the laundry to 'he doesnt value you' and other type positions.

Hardly anyone advises counselling or support or solution focused themes, as someone said above in this thread, most posters want to a throw a grenade in.

Everyone has flaws, everyone is unhappy sometimes, everyone has ups and downs, its part of life. Each relationship has 50% contribution from each person but thats never recognised. Thats very different to significant abuse and control. But most people on this forum overuse those words.

Also posters egging eachother on to send transphobic emails to their boss/workplace

Yes, because "the Maya Forstater case means those are legally protected beliefs", applied to some pretty blatant and in your face transphobia like "I want to tell a client/my workmate that I won't use their preferred name or pronouns". Um. Sure. 🤔

The double standards, hypocrisy and outright BS on this site are is staggering, which I guess is what it makes it so entertaining.

The LTB brigade, as if life as a single parent on UC to three small children is freedom !!!. The divorce advice, "pack his bags and show him the door". As if he's gonna meekly close the door gently behind him and carry on paying all the bills and the mortgage. It must come as an awful shock when the "For Sale" board gets banged into the front lawn. Also, you cannot evict somebody from their own house, it's illegal.

Ultimately, you all are getting is the edited highlights of one side of the story, and frequently, I'd just love to hear the other side of it.

What I do find off-putting is the nastiness. The aggression and four-letter name calling: twat, prick, wanker. That aside, it is entertaining. A good, OMG WTF , in my coffee break !.

Apologies for typos.

My favourite are the threads where people get snooty about people sharing their holiday photos on social media (“Why aren’t they enjoying their holiday and having a lovely family time instead of being gluuuuuued to their phone?!”) and someone always piped up with “You should tell them they’re invalidating their home insurance”.

Er, no you shouldn’t. I looked this up a while back because it comes up so often on MN. While The AA does actually advise against it, it’s essentially the most extreme option, and is coupled with more practical advice such as ensuring your posts are not set to public, that you’re comfortable you can trust the people on your friend list, not having your address or pictures of your home on there etc.

Yes, your insurer is unlikely to be thrilled if you post “So relaxed on this holiday - I could almost forget my stress about having left all my valuables unattended for the next three weeks at 19 Acacia Road, TW8 3DS, especially when the back door lock is broken!” A hot dog legs shot by the pool with “Not a bad view…” isn’t going to invalidate your policy.

Or sometimes it is what is in budget.
”I am looking for a 3 bed house for £375k in London”
Multiple posters: have you tried Balham / East Dulwich / Clapham etc…
Eventual poster: maybe look at ‘various more affordable areas xyz’
Multiple posters (who haven’t been there for decades) “SHIT HOLE!”.

Typical MN bad advice:
Recommending places to live based on house prices 5 years ago
Dissing affordable places to live based on impressions a decade ago, or just prejudice
Advising a young child free couple who want to enjoy London to move to somewhere in Zone 5 or 6 because it is quiet, suburban and family friendly

Suspected affairs is another topic that generates some ridiculous comments. “Pay someone to have him followed”. “March round to this woman’s house and confront her”. “Can you get a friend to go to the café where they’re meeting and report back/take pictures?”

The best was a bonkers thread about a year back from a woman who’d seen two colleagues together at a hotel and wondered if she should tell the man’s wife (who she’d met once). People were actually advising her to message the woman from a “burner phone” to make sure it couldn’t be traced back to her!

😂😂😂 that's brilliant!
I think some people watch too much itv3

That mystery plant in your garden is a xxxx because my plant app says so.

I have seen mostly wonderful advice - thoughtful and considered.

But, I do wonder why there are just so many labelling their family/dp/family narcissistic when it actually makes up such a tiny percentage of he population in reality.

LTB without trying to even try and work things out if the issues are mundane. Marriage IS bumpy especially after decades together.

And I don’t need to see anyone with lumps on their vagina before breakfast!! 🤢

I know - baseball cap and dark glasses, always pay cash, changes buses twice. Just use first names....... follow that cab !. 😂

Oh dear me, there was a women's health query with no alert and I opened it to be faced with an image that I really can't forget....🤢

‘Could there be someone living in your attic OP?’

if you're going to post a picture of your fanny I think it only decorous to warn people in the thread title. But I suspect shocking people is the point of some of those threads.