To think some Mumsnet advice is crap?

[Crapadvice]

Lighthearted.

Lots of very good suggestions, kindness, support, not knocking anyone, just having a laugh here.

But there are a few tired old nuggets that keep finding their way onto threads.

Theres the super aggressive, over the top advice, like someone who is mildly annoyed with their husband has to SIT HIM DOWN. why does this always involve sitting him down, like a dog.

Ear plus or headphones as the answer to any excess noise. Does it not occur to people that we need to hear other stuff for a reason?

No, as in no is a complete sentence. No it isnt. I think my friend is a MNetter, I asked if she was free for coffee a couple of months ago. She said ‘no.’ I haven’t asked since!

what’s the worst advice you’ve seen on here?

The worst advice I ever took from MN was to buy and read this book. It is utterly patronising and repetitive rubbish.
Can't believe I fell for the hype. I'm sure the author comes on here periodically and recommends it himself.
I will summarise it for you in three words "Be afraid, girlies"

Hard to think of the very worst. I'm never a fan of the "invoice your husband for all you do" (he could also invoice you) or "show him this thread" (yeah, that won't make a person angry or defensive, great outcomes-focused approach there).

However, the "wisdom of crowds" usually wins out.

People who think that problems can be resolved by ''sitting your husband down'' have husbands who will listen and communicate, but often, for the person who has posted, the problem runs so much deeper than an issue which just needs to be discussed. The problem is that nothing can be discussed. It's always interesting on a thread to see the posters who just don't get this.

Or you should never go to A&E. Even if your leg is falling off , you need to go to minor injuries at most, or preferably just don't seek any help.

I ranted on here about my complete inability to find a suitable partner. I was advised to decide to be a lesbian 👍

I find usually the first page of any thread is full of crap, knee jerk advice from people who have been triggered by the title.
But often one you get a page or two in, the quality goes right up and I've had fantastic advice that really helped me (on threads that I haven't even posted on)
It's easy to pick out the principled posters who really have their mind in order and take the time to give a really empathetic but also what the poster needs to hear to get their problems on the right track. They are the real gems on here and I wish they could be recognised more.

Regarding the"sit down and have a chat thing" I think that's good advice in any case, listening to your partner is the most generous thing you can do for free, and that only happens when you are calm and out of the situation. Often it's clear that a small niggle is a sign of lack of connection, so reconnecting is always a nice suggestion.

Followed by someone suggesting this is bad advice as he could have MH issues / be on the spectrum

how did that work out for you? 😉

Apart from the extreme “advice” for trivial matters and the double standards here, where you know the responses would be totally different if a man posted the same situation, the thing that surprises me the most is how often people encourage others to be dishonest, usually completely unnecessarily. For example, there was recently a thread about some guests who wouldn’t leave. They were at the OP’s house and there were pages and pages of posts along the lines of “tell them your sister and her feral children are coming to stay tomorrow/tell them you’ve got a contagious disease/tell them you’re going on holiday”. I question the moral compass of those who think lying is the answer and will offer it so easily in so many situations. In this case it was the OP’s house and she doesn’t need to lie to get people to leave. Just tell them “you need to leave tomorrow”. No reasons needed. Her house, her decision.

I just can’t get my head around why so many so often encourage the OP to make up
lies when a perfectly normal adult conversation will do. Is that how they act in real life?

The childish “tit for tat” advice is tiresome too. Neighbours being noisy? Go outside and put heavy metal music full blast in your garden. That sort of thing. Ridiculous.

I can’t stand the posters who become aggressive, rude and dismissive when the OP doesn’t immediately take their over-zealous advice to leave/kick out the husband/partner and so doesn’t immediately return with vociferous plaudits for them and their advice.

@CanaryShoulderedThorn
Bit it’s not even all about women or “girlies” and comes with a bit of an update in the version I have.
Mostly it’s about predicting outcomes from aspects of people we are aware of rather than how we reason things away.
If I’m remembering it correctly the first chapter was about women and then a lot about employees who do mass shootings at work, terrorist activities etc.
It was written in a time where phrases are different from what we’d say now but there are, at least I think, fundamental truths in it.
Obviously not your cup of tea.
But the “no is a complete sentence” “advice” arises from that book end isn’t intended for a friend inviting another friend for coffee and just getting “no” as a response..

😂 😂

And then they say "Op, why did you bother posting when you wont take on anyones advice?"

Saying anything, anything at all, followed by “a tinkly laugh”.

It's really not a place to find advice about new partners. It always seems from postings that a lot of mumsnetters make truly awful choices in partners (often more than once).

A lady on the doghouse section was looking for some advice about her dog which had developed separation anxiety. First poster responds by suggesting the OP quits her job so she can be with her dog 100% of the time. I'm not suggesting people should leave their dogs along for long periods of time, but imagine living in a situation where you could not do much as pop to the corner shop without your dog and didn't need any form of income.

There are posters on mumsnet who are worth their weight in gold. But there aren't as many as there used to be. I have counselling training and work with vulnerable people, I used to take my time with lengthy, considered posts trying to offer something useful. I'm not saying my advice was amazing btw, just that it was never confrontational, aimed to be kind. And it would be the "you're a doormat putting up with that" posters than the OP often engaged with. I don't post like that anymore. I haven't been on threads giving lengthy advice for years.

The OP can engage and respond with whoever they want to, that's not my point btw (and obviously my advice/style wasn't suitable for mumsnet), but I am experienced and I do see things in posts that some others might miss. So it is a shame. I don't think I am the only person who stopped posting my any measure! (I know I'm not!)

“I’m looking for a small, non shedding dog that won’t chase my cat. No rescues will let us rehome a dog because we have young children so we need to get a puppy”

mumsnet: adopt a retired racing greyhound

I hate the overall contradictory advice regarding weight. Example:
'DH is fat and I don't fancy him'

Yuck. LTB.

Yet people are quick to deride a husband if he goes to the gym or plays football as a hobby obsessed man-child.

Also when someone asks for advice losing weight, the amount of people who suggest going for walks. Walking won't make any significant dent.

Walking actually can make a big difference for a lot of people, you might be surprised.

I'm always amazed at how so many mumsnetters are champing at the bit to throw a grenade into any situation.

Friend was off with you once? Block them.

Your mum is upset you didn't invite your cousin to the wedding? Cancel the whole wedding and get married with witnesses off the street.

MIL fed 4 year old an ice cream? No contact.

DH plays golf once a week? Book a week in a hotel and leave him with your 5 children.

I then see the hundreds of threads 'does anyone else not have any friends'.

Also posters egging eachother on to send transphobic emails to their boss/workplace

and I saw someone on the ‘how to get rid of chilblains’ thread earlier say they used to soak their feet in a bucket of piss.

A walk around the block in a pcace a 24 stone me could do is nothing. It's not exercise, it's just a movement which should be normal.
Now fast walk, yeah, can do. But I've seen so many people walk so slowly my fat arse would easily overtake them.

Some (a lot!) of the advice is bonkers, but to be fair, a lot of the questions (particularly in AIBU) are utterly bonkers too!

The things people are looking for reassurance on some days is hilarious, leaves you wondering how they cope in day-to-day life - sadly I can't give any examples as we're not allowed a TAT (which seems bonkers too)

Mind you, reading back my own post, I would never say 'bonkers' IRL so that explains a lot about what people write on here 😅

Misery loves company. Some lonely people just want others to be lonely too

Badly behaved child - they must have SN, excuse their shitty behaviour.