To think some Mumsnet advice is crap?

[Crapadvice]

Lighthearted.

Lots of very good suggestions, kindness, support, not knocking anyone, just having a laugh here.

But there are a few tired old nuggets that keep finding their way onto threads.

Theres the super aggressive, over the top advice, like someone who is mildly annoyed with their husband has to SIT HIM DOWN. why does this always involve sitting him down, like a dog.

Ear plus or headphones as the answer to any excess noise. Does it not occur to people that we need to hear other stuff for a reason?

No, as in no is a complete sentence. No it isnt. I think my friend is a MNetter, I asked if she was free for coffee a couple of months ago. She said ‘no.’ I haven’t asked since!

what’s the worst advice you’ve seen on here?

Yes I agree with a lot of this.

Of course though it's not all the posts that castigate you for wanting to have friends that care about you, and demonstrate that but those that do can be completely dismissive and unkind about it. I assume they're the queen bee types who love to put others down to feel powerful.

But I have noticed recently a surrendered wife trend on MN which definitely wasn't here when I joined a number of years ago. It's a particular kind of extremely persistent poster who keeps urging us to consider the mens and suggest that it's perfectly reasonable for a man to be bad tempered, spend lots of free time on his hobbies and do bugger all in the home because he happens to go out to work. Whereas in real life lots of women have full time jobs and manage to spend time with their children, be pleasant to their partner and do their fair share of housework.

I'm sure if we trawled through all the threads there are going to be some crazy ones where people give stupid advice. And there may be some posts where people say ltb for trivia, but my impression like yours is that the vast majority of the ltb posts are where the OP is underplaying abusive behaviour.

I dislike it when people are deliberately obtuse or focus on one random detail of the op's post that has nothing to do with the actual issue. One person will comment on it and then the next 10 will all pile on. The op ends up getting frustrated or upset and really there is no need for it, verges on bullying.

Yeah that really winds me up, Op will ssy something like my dh told me to fuck off,loads of posters will then say that would be a deal breaker for me you need to LTB ,when in actual fact they had been having an argument over something petty and both had said some pretty bad things, it happens, it doesn't mean the relationship is over

That WOULD absolutely be a deal breaker for me though @x2boys
If it's not for you, fine, crack on.

Well fine ,but people say terrible things to each other in arguments all the time ,there is always two sides to every story

So often, people pile on with legal advice, when OP hasn't even said where they live

Hint - different countries have different legal systems

@x2boys

My DH and I don't argue, or say terrible things to each other

I don't think it's helpful to normalise people telling their partner to fuck off

No, that is not true at all. There is not 'always' two sides to the story, unless you want to victim-blame. Sometimes women don't do or say anything but are abused, called names and bashed. And maybe I have more self respect, but I would NEVER stay with any man who told me to 'fuck off'. Sounds like you need to raise your standards.

My husband and I have never told each other to fuck off.

Yet more terrible advice and judgement ,don't presume to know anything about me .

what’s the worst advice you’ve seen on here?

I always bring this one up on these threads. I still laugh to myself at it. Someone posted that her in laws wanted to pay to take the entire family to Disney. All the kids and grandkids. Big family trip. She didn't want to go as totally not her thing. Someone in all seriousness advised that she "sit them down" and urge them to donate the money they wanted to spend on Disney, for their own family trip, to a charity for underprivileged children so that they could go on holiday instead. I kept imagining my own ex in laws and their faces if I had suggested this

The virtue signalling on here is off the scale at times.

Oh yes the virtue signalling on here is nuts at times. Plus the relentless 'Tories are scum' posts. I don't vote Tory but I roll my eyes as soon as that is trotted out with the poster clearly expecting appaluse.

That and the whole ,anybody who doesnt vote the way I do is clearly thick mentality ,I always think that attitude is quite ironic .

Saying that sometimes women are abused through no fault of their own is 'terrible advice and judgement'? Your ignorance of Domestic Violence is absolutely astounding. Saying you should raise your standards and not accept Verbal Abuse from your spouse is 'terrible advice and judgement'? I suggest you look in the mirror, there is a reason I and others have commented on your ignorance and terrible advice and judgement.

If you actually read my post I was saying people often say terrible things to each other in the context of an argument ,and yes posters piling on to tell the Op to ltb when they are not being abused they have just had an argument is dreadful advice imo
Let's stop derailing the thread shall we?

Lets see …

Would I uproot my childrens home, stability, lives because an otherwise decent man shouted fuck off in the middle of a heated argument then was mortified and apologetic later?

honestly no, I wouldn’t, and my dh has never told me to fuck off. But context is everything. In a previous relationship my dp did say ‘I don’t fucking KNOW’ in a moment of stress (couldn’t find a passport and we really needed it and I wondered aloud where it could be.) He did say sorry immediately and ‘you deserved better than that.’

Except that the poster isn't happy about it, unlike you, so the situation is different. If you're fine with that kind of relationship, crack on, but it's not normal or pleasant.

@Trying20 It’s not a random selection of people who are mostly women and mostly mothers. It is a random selection of people who have the time/inclination to join AND (and this is the important bit) didn’t have a look at it and say “bloody hell, full of lunatics” and walk away. It’s essentially an echo chamber (like most corners of the internet). It’s why the advice is so bloody poor.

You missed out have been in shit relationships (often several) and assume that all relationships are shit.

You don't go to a meeting of vegetarians looking for advice on the best butcher in town, don't come to mumsnet looking for advice about healthy relationships.

It’s not pleasant, but a marriage lasting six or more decades isn’t going to be all the time.

I wouldn’t tell a woman to leave her partner because of it. But if she wanted to, she should be supported in it.

what is really shitty is the sniffy sort of ‘well clearly MY standards are higher.’ It really doesn’t make you a better person. Think on it.

You said there is "always" two sides, often there isn't. Yes, sometimes people do say bad things to each other, but it's actually classified as verbal abuse. No one should put up with their spouse telling them to fuck off, that is actually a form of Domestic Violence. People shouldn't lower their standards that they accept that.

LTB cos he took the phone into the bathroom. (Written as I’m lying in the bath tub) 😂😂

That's different then, but people who post here and mention that are not happy they were spoken to like that, and it is classified as Verbal Abuse, a form of Domestic Violence especially if it's regularly not a one off out of frustration.

Exactly. Unfortunately though the amount of people that don't recognise verbal abuse as Domestic Violence, even in 2022, is worrying.

Start your own thread about domestic violence and.stop derailing this one .

I'm not derailing. You're the one who gave the bad advice, on a thread about bad advice. So it's the appropriate thread.