To think that of your 12 year old makes dinner

[BlackShoes]

The only correct response is "thank you"?

Dd made dinner for 5 tonight. Pork loin chops, corn cobs, broccoli, and roasted courgette and tomato in garlic.
DOD all the prep, timings and everything.
Dh was trying to be a spoony fucker, telling her she should do this and that, this was overcooking etc and she roundly said to stop "backseat cooking" and leave her to it.
The dog subsequently ate one of the chops while dd was in the loo and dh was in the kitchen.
Later, dd served up the chops but not the veg, but as she is having trouble with her tummy, popped to the loo again quickly. Dh commented that we were obviously having cold dinner tonight. I told him.tonshish, she has gone to a lot of effort for everyone and if his is too cold, pop it in the microwave.
Once dd was back and served up, she took one plate up to ds upstairs, put one plate aside for other ds whonwas ar work, and told DJ to come down and get his (he was upstairs by this point). Dh said, can you bring me mine like you did ds? Dd responded with no, you have been talking shit to me all night and I am not your slave.
Dh came down, looked at the dinner and said "wheres the rest of it?" meaning there wasnt enough and she had left off the tomatoes and chop. She explained that she had left the tomatoes off because she didn't think they were good enough. She had also taken the chop off his plate to replace the missing chop for (upstairs) ds as dh had been commenting in the cooking of it, so he was the one who could miss out. He then questioned why ds (the one working) got two pieces of garlic bread and he didnt. Dd explained that ds didnt have a chop (vegetarian) and had also not eaten lunch as we were out and had gone straight to work without eating so would be hungry. He complained he was the one that needed the most calories in the house.
Anyway, he needed up flopping the plate of dinner on to the couch and stating nah dont want it now and storming upstairs remarking he would just make his own.
Later he came down and went to take his plate off the couch to eat it, and found most of it gone as dd had fed it to the dog. He was then annoyed about that, even though he said he didnt want it!
Aibu to think he should have just 1)warmed int up if needed 2)just damn well said thank you and 3)if he was still hungry, make something else later and 4) not then stropped that dd fed his "unwanted" dinner to the dog!

Is he always that mean to her?

He sounds like a bully. I hope you have stuck up for her. you need to push him to apologise. And you need to tell her that he was out of order to minimise the impact of his behaviour to her.

I imagine he is pretty unpleasant generally and a 12 year old has been left to put up with it. Horrible

If it makes you feel any better, I posted a picture of a cake I'd lovingly made for a friend the other day. The comments varied, but one nugget that's stuck with me was "little talent and less effort".

Was that the chocolate one? I thought it looked great, particularly the icing.

Back to the thread, I'd have been rather disgruntled with the meal if I was served a few side veggies and my meat had gone to the dog. The meal also sounds a bit chaotic, I think one of us would have helped If my kids had gone to the loo (although they spend a disproportionate amount of their day hiding on it). But credit to your daughter for trying to cook for you all.

So not only was your DH awful to your DD, he was awful to her knowing she’s autistic!!!

Lots of people judging about where people eat dinner! Our autistic DS only ever eats in his room as he also has ARFID and so cannot easily eat with others.

Modern families often don’t all sit round the table - who cares! Being sociable doesn’t only happen when sat round a table eating!

OP - I think your DH needs to think about how to parent positively! Well done to your DD in speaking up to him.

Your DH sounds like a nasty bully. Really this needs sorting out. It’s bad enough to deliberately try and undermine a very competent sounding 12 yr old but the passive aggressive comments and then tipping food over the sofa are hallmarks of abuse. It sounds like she had to stick up for herself quite a bit too which I personally don’t think is appropriate- I think next time I’d step in a bit sooner and tell my partner he either shuts up and behaves like an adult or he goes out to Mac Donald’s on his own. You’ve got to be the one to show her where the boundaries are- don’t rely on her at that age.

You husband has been unbelievably rude. A sure way to put her off cooking for the family again. I can't stand it when DH back seat cooks and judges me. Just take what you're given and be grateful!

However - I would NEVER have spoken to a parent like your DD did. I'm impressed she stuck up for herself, but she needs to learn how to do so without swearing and passive aggression (although I can see where she has got that from with Dad acting like a child!)

You all come off badly in this.

Everyone being horribly rude to each other. Spending dinner sat round a TV and leaving your son to mess about on the PC and have his dinner brought to him like he rules the house. Bad way to bring up boys in particular. Untrained dog allowed in the kitchen during cooking time when the dog cant be trusted.

The whole thing is just bad. All of it. And the vegetarian meal which is basically the side veggies from the meat eaters and some garlic bread.

Yeah. You all just look bad and i think it's pretty indicative of your home life. You dont sound like a family who enjoy each other's company. Some families are like that but your kids are young; you should still be trying.

Meals together. You realise that eating meals together with the TV off is actually really important for kids and social development etc. Get off the sofa and have your meals together. No boys being handed their plates in their rooms. Learn to talk to each other.

The way your husband and daughter speak to each other is awful, all started by him and he should be the adult teaching her how to treat people.

Whole thing is just horrible.

She sounds great. He sounds awful.

I am too invested in this. Why does your daughter have to be awesome and manage her own dad? Please come back OP and say what your role was in this when your daughter was dealing with his shit?

@FallOutPloy I'm autistic and I would not handle it like the father or you. For one thing I know protein is more important than complex carbohydrates for keeping hunger at bay. You should also look up what a carbohydrate actually is, a ND person would before making a twat of themselves online.

It sounds chaotic but saying that, to answer your question, yes your husband should have just said thank you and dealt with it. Your daughter did well to cook, well done her

Sounds like a lot of male entitlement in that house - the two of them would be on cooking and washing up duty for the next week for that

This.

what the actual fuck. She’s 12 and cooking a full meal, and all he does is stand by putting her down and allowing mistakes to happen on his watch to throw in her face.

and people are criticising her dinner and saying she should have divided up the dinner differently? I would have let him go without a chop as well if he’d stood by and allowed the dog to get one.

she sounds very mature for her age tbh - I would never have been able to cook a full meal at 12. And good that she can stand up for herself rather than meekly serve him and take his insults.

Sorry found your answer in page 5.

Your DD sounds amazing!

Chaotic and dysfunctional household.

Dog needs training / restraint
DH needs to grow up or get out
DS needs to eat with the family.
The vegetarian needs protein.

YOU need to feel horrified not amused at this whole situation.

Your poor DD, all that effort and her father behaves like that 😥 he sounds like an absolute waste of space.

He was pushing her all night. And she wasn't being petty and nasty, she was turning a moment he was trying to use to trip her up - he let the dog eat the chop while she was out of the room - into a logical consequence for him.

Do you really think that with all his complaining and criticism that if she would have given him an extra chop he would have appreciated it? No, he would have found fault with something else and still not eaten it.

It's best to learn early that there's no pleasing these sorts of people. Otherwise you get adult children still trying in vain to get approval they will never get, feeling unworthy and having low self esteem all their lives.

We get posters on here confused as to why there are so many women in abusive relationships feeling it's their fault and they can't do any better...THIS sort of conditioning is why.

How is she competent when she can't even make a meal properly? At 12?

I'm shocked by how low peoples bar is on here

She cooked a poor attempt of a meal, hardly cured monkey pox

Girls shouldn't be taught to accommodate nasty aggressive twats.

Of course boys shouldn't either, but girls are more likely to end up in relationships with them, so it's even more important that they learn to stand up to them and bin them rather than humour and accommodate them. These lessons begin at home.

Yes, so why is she living with a man her mother is putting up with?

Page 5, mum's role is described at the end of the process not during the whole thing when dad started behaving badly

You and @WeepingSomnambulist sound utterly vile.

I imagine e you live very sterile, sad little lives.

Also what we're the boys doing in their rooms that was so 'important ' they couldn't fetch their own food from the kitchen. Yes the lessons about pandering to men start at home and expectations of boys start at home.