To think that of your 12 year old makes dinner

[BlackShoes]

The only correct response is "thank you"?

Dd made dinner for 5 tonight. Pork loin chops, corn cobs, broccoli, and roasted courgette and tomato in garlic.
DOD all the prep, timings and everything.
Dh was trying to be a spoony fucker, telling her she should do this and that, this was overcooking etc and she roundly said to stop "backseat cooking" and leave her to it.
The dog subsequently ate one of the chops while dd was in the loo and dh was in the kitchen.
Later, dd served up the chops but not the veg, but as she is having trouble with her tummy, popped to the loo again quickly. Dh commented that we were obviously having cold dinner tonight. I told him.tonshish, she has gone to a lot of effort for everyone and if his is too cold, pop it in the microwave.
Once dd was back and served up, she took one plate up to ds upstairs, put one plate aside for other ds whonwas ar work, and told DJ to come down and get his (he was upstairs by this point). Dh said, can you bring me mine like you did ds? Dd responded with no, you have been talking shit to me all night and I am not your slave.
Dh came down, looked at the dinner and said "wheres the rest of it?" meaning there wasnt enough and she had left off the tomatoes and chop. She explained that she had left the tomatoes off because she didn't think they were good enough. She had also taken the chop off his plate to replace the missing chop for (upstairs) ds as dh had been commenting in the cooking of it, so he was the one who could miss out. He then questioned why ds (the one working) got two pieces of garlic bread and he didnt. Dd explained that ds didnt have a chop (vegetarian) and had also not eaten lunch as we were out and had gone straight to work without eating so would be hungry. He complained he was the one that needed the most calories in the house.
Anyway, he needed up flopping the plate of dinner on to the couch and stating nah dont want it now and storming upstairs remarking he would just make his own.
Later he came down and went to take his plate off the couch to eat it, and found most of it gone as dd had fed it to the dog. He was then annoyed about that, even though he said he didnt want it!
Aibu to think he should have just 1)warmed int up if needed 2)just damn well said thank you and 3)if he was still hungry, make something else later and 4) not then stropped that dd fed his "unwanted" dinner to the dog!

Your dd sounds great, your husband sounds like a dick. Lost track of who ate what but cobs are really dangerous for dogs.

He sounds like such a twat, hellbent on destroying her confidence.

I love your kid. You are doing well bringing up a strong woman. He’s a dick.

She sounds great.

DH sounds like a dick.

If you're in the room with food when everyone else leaves, particularly for urgent toilet reasons, then your job is to stop the dog nicking the food. Failure to do so means its your food the dog ate. Thems the rules if you live with a food stealing dog and are old enough to prevent it by managing the dog.

If you say you don't want your dinner and are an ungrateful shite, then the dog gets your dinner and you don't get to change your mind once you left the room and walked away from that food (particularly if you left it where the dog could eat it of course!)

So your husband hovered and complained about your dd’s cooking, allowed the dog to eat a pork chop in his presence then knowingly left his dinner plate on the sofa and complained again when the dog had eaten it.

I think your dd and ddog are trying to teach him how to be a grown up. One of them being 12 and the other, a dog, they’re not going about it in the conventional way. However, your dd is doing a pretty awesome job in the cooking department.

Your DH sounds like a treat. How often does he cook? Is he always mean to her?

Well done to your DD - her verbal response was cheeky but also completely understandable. Gone are the days when parents can speak to their children like shit and expect obedience in return ‘just because’ that’s how it works. As for feeding the dinner to the dog, he actually ‘plopped it down’ on the sofa himself in protest. I’d take that as a pretty clear sign he didn’t want to eat it.!

Her dad’s responses to her cooking and serving are really quite bizarre and uncalled for.

Of course, diners should say thanks to the cook! If there's constructive criticism - for example, if the portions were too small or the dinner not balanced nutritonally or if something was inedible - then helpful feedback is good, but maybe wait a bit.

Your husband sounds exhausting.

Good work from your daughter to make that kind of dinner! My just-turned-12-yo likes to cook but one dish is about all he can handle. He'll do an elaborate curry or stir-fry and serve it with microwaved rice, and he's recently mastered quiche but H or I manage a side salad, bread, etc. Being able to handle a whole meal and get everything on the table together is a lot at that age. Maybe encourage her a little to serve whatever she makes, though - I love courgette and tomato so I would have been happy to try that.

Does everybody disappear to random
places with their own plates? That’s so unsociable! Honestly. Summon them down and make them sit at the table. That eradicates the coldness issues why shocks she be traipsing up and down stairs like a scullery maid?

Yoir daughter sounds great, no way would my son be able to manage that preparation at the same age.

Above all, yoir DH is rude rude rude and I hope this isn’t how he treats your daughter in general.

Your husband thinks he is more important than the rest of the family

Well his attitude was awful, but if that’s what someone served me for my whole dinner I’d be less than impressed too. It isn’t even a balanced meal for a vegetarian.

Firstly massive kudos to your DD for being assertive and sticking up for herself. But obviously she shouldn't have to do that, especially in her own home.
He sounds like a critical bullying prick, completely unreasonable. Does it make him feel like the big man talking to a child like that?

How did you respond? Are you going to show him this thread cause he needs to read it.

Kids that age really desperately need approval at home, their self esteem is really fragile and it's just a bloody dangerous time for all the wheels to fall off of their lives. She's got the rest of the world to be nasty or unkind to her bless her she has to put up with secondary school. He needs to be championing and supporting her because it doesn't end well when 12 year olds start looking for comfort and love in other places .

Have a look at transactional analysis, is he always in 'critical parent' mode?

Oh, do bore off.

Your DH was a dick but I can’t believe your 12 year old can cook a full on meal. My 12 year old DS can manage beans on toast but I think his head would fry with anything more than this. I need your DD to show him a trick or two 😂.

Time for my daily DH appreciation moment.

I have never come across such shit men as those that Mumsnetters are tethered to. No-one I know in real life has such a crappy partner.

Sorry OP - but I don’t feel sorry for you. You chose this sub-standard man. You want to be with him.

Why are you looking for sympathy about this? You’re even inflicting him on your poor kids who don’t have any choice.

There’s - literally - zillions of other men out there. Pick better. 🤷🏻‍♀️

This... She should be congratulated and thanked.

Her father sounds a first class arse... He should be the adult encouraging her... Constant criticism is utter crap...

Tell him he's cooking tonight... And criticise EVERYTHING.
. Let him understand how rubbish it is...

And he's not a young girl learning stuff.

He should be ashamed of his behaviour.

Well done DD for cooking, not good DH for attitude.

But that was not a meal that he was served and DS got two pieces of garlic bread as he had no chop but DH didn't?

YABU for starting a thread about something so pathetic and menial

Both your dog and DH need better training around dinner time manners.

However if when cooking you take your eye off the ball and something goes wrong we've always fed those we are cooking for as a priority - ergo your DD didn't protect the chop and she should go without.

I think it depends why she was making dinner

When I was younger there were set nights for the children to cook

If I had done what your DD had done I'd expect my parents to act the same as it's part of our 'chores' and therefore a dick move to not do it properly

Just like I'd be a bit pissed if DH left my pork chop off my plate and gave me veggies and garlic bread for dinner

But if it was a nice gesture on an ad hoc basis he was being unreasonable

I know you've already heard this lots of times but you need to address the dog thieving food off the benches (and presumably whatever surface he can reach?)

It's not a nice habit and one that has cost someone their dinner (in my house we would have split the remainder between everyone by the way and not just had someone miss out). It could also be potentially dangerous if he/she eats something they shouldn't one day.

Your daughter cooked a wonderful dinner and I would certainly be impressed if mine did that.

My 5 year old 'surprised' me with cold toast covered in an inch of jam the other morning, of course I thanked him and made a mental note to remind him another time that a small amount of jam is great haha.

Your DH should have said thanks and then made a suggestion that all the meat was shared somehow rather than him miss out, he shouldn't have whinged about it being cold and just rectified that with the microwave.

I can't understand why no one took over the serving when your daughter went to the toilet.

I can imagine how proud she must have felt at doing doing only to be hassled the whole way through by your hubby... terrible on his end.

Your DH is really mean

Cooking when you’ve got a dodgy tummy 🤢

I’d be pissed off too if I was given that for my dinner.

It’s not cute or funny to have a dog stealing dinner … what if it was a cooked chicken wing?

If she wasn’t managing she should have been supported with it.

I bet he has form and you have just let things slide.

I don't agree with those saying your daughter is wrong for speaking to him like that. If he had been perfectly reasonable and just asked where his chop is or whatever and she was in a strop and replied rudely then fine, but he continously set about to put her down and annoy her. She has probably been fed up of her mother pussy footing around a huge bell end! Why do women put up with a stupid man child, I dunno. Glad I am single!

Please continue to praise her for her cooking and encourage her but let man child cook his own, or just heat up some spaghetti hoops on toast for the big baby.

This all sounds completely chaotic.
Why is 12 year old making food family with upset tummy?
Why is she in the position to put up with dad throughout the process picking holes in what she is doing to the point where at 12 she telling him he is talking shit and deciding to not give him a chop, why was this her decision?
Why was she trailing food all around the house like a slave having bothered to cook?
Why did you enjoy this whole situation with so much glee?
Poor DD, what a stressful horrible day.
Neither parent comes out of this well, and what a waste of food .

It is a privilege to be cooked for.

I would tell your husband that since he apparently doesn't understand this, and is abusing his privilege, no one in the family (including you) will be cooking for him until he earns this privilege back by behaving like a decent human being.

Fwiw, I think your DD was perhaps a little rude to her father, but from your posts it's clear that she's just dishing him back his own and we shouldn't be teaching young girls to placate rude, obnoxious overbearing males in the name of 'respect'.

I hope this is an isolated incident because otherwise your husband sounds like a shit parent.