Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that of your 12 year old makes dinner

278 replies

BlackShoes · 26/08/2022 22:00

The only correct response is "thank you"?

Dd made dinner for 5 tonight. Pork loin chops, corn cobs, broccoli, and roasted courgette and tomato in garlic.
DOD all the prep, timings and everything.
Dh was trying to be a spoony fucker, telling her she should do this and that, this was overcooking etc and she roundly said to stop "backseat cooking" and leave her to it.
The dog subsequently ate one of the chops while dd was in the loo and dh was in the kitchen.
Later, dd served up the chops but not the veg, but as she is having trouble with her tummy, popped to the loo again quickly. Dh commented that we were obviously having cold dinner tonight. I told him.tonshish, she has gone to a lot of effort for everyone and if his is too cold, pop it in the microwave.
Once dd was back and served up, she took one plate up to ds upstairs, put one plate aside for other ds whonwas ar work, and told DJ to come down and get his (he was upstairs by this point). Dh said, can you bring me mine like you did ds? Dd responded with no, you have been talking shit to me all night and I am not your slave.
Dh came down, looked at the dinner and said "wheres the rest of it?" meaning there wasnt enough and she had left off the tomatoes and chop. She explained that she had left the tomatoes off because she didn't think they were good enough. She had also taken the chop off his plate to replace the missing chop for (upstairs) ds as dh had been commenting in the cooking of it, so he was the one who could miss out. He then questioned why ds (the one working) got two pieces of garlic bread and he didnt. Dd explained that ds didnt have a chop (vegetarian) and had also not eaten lunch as we were out and had gone straight to work without eating so would be hungry. He complained he was the one that needed the most calories in the house.
Anyway, he needed up flopping the plate of dinner on to the couch and stating nah dont want it now and storming upstairs remarking he would just make his own.
Later he came down and went to take his plate off the couch to eat it, and found most of it gone as dd had fed it to the dog. He was then annoyed about that, even though he said he didnt want it!
Aibu to think he should have just 1)warmed int up if needed 2)just damn well said thank you and 3)if he was still hungry, make something else later and 4) not then stropped that dd fed his "unwanted" dinner to the dog!

OP posts:
BungleandGeorge · 26/08/2022 23:39

Not sure how old your husband actually is but he’s behaved like he’s about 10.
12 year old shouldn’t be cooking with a dodgy rum and I think needs more guidance about balanced meals. One slice of garlic bread, one chop and a bit of veg was a pretty small dinner to start with, and then your husband ended up with 1 slice garlic bread and a bit of veg and veggie son 2 slices garlic bread and a bit of veg!

Original poster
BlackShoes · 26/08/2022 23:40

I was washing the dishes, getting the plates out and cutlery, sorting the drinks. We then ate. When dh said what he said re it being cold, I said stop, dd is trying her best.
When dh had a go about the meal, I had a go at him and said he should be grateful, say thank you.
I have since had a conversation with him about how utterly rude he has been. How he should have cooked something later if it wasn't enough, how he should have just popped it in the microwave if it was a little cold, how he should be proud of dd, how no, she was doing something nice for her brother not playing maid. Believe me, dh knows I think he has been out of order. Dd knows I have stood up for her and knows how proud I am of her. (I also had a word about how she speaks to her dad)
So no, not just sitting watching a film. That was part of the explanation about why we weren't sitting at the table eating.

OP posts:
mowly77 · 26/08/2022 23:40

@blahblahblahspoons Yes! What a great episode. I shall make DP watch it although DD is only 4 so bit of a ways to go frankly.

lottiegarbanzo · 26/08/2022 23:40

I love her food group logic OP.

Still a bit bemused about food being 'flopped onto a sofa' but whatever that looks like, you can't expect to do it, fail to pick up after yourself, then find the food still sitting there some time later.

Forestgate · 26/08/2022 23:42

None of you speak to each other very nicely

NannyGythaOgg · 26/08/2022 23:43

I think your DD is amazing and I'd like you to tell her how many of us think this.

I also think she has the measure of your 'd'h (her d'd') and that, if she is right, then it's time you did too.

Forestgate · 26/08/2022 23:43

But well done to your 12 year old

Mothership4two · 26/08/2022 23:44

DH sounds immature and much less mature than your own children.

And maybe the dog should be banned from the kitchen? Not the point of the post I know

Summerfun54321 · 26/08/2022 23:44

What a lovely thing for a 12 year old to do. Her life would be made much easier by a couple of house rules though - dog kept out of the kitchen at dinner time and everyone sat around the table to eat.

User6761 · 26/08/2022 23:47

OP you ask if the only correct response is to say thank you - I'd go further and say the only correct response IMO would be for everyone to sit down together to eat the meal she had worked hard to prepare. Completely disrespectful for you husband to eat upstairs (he sounds completely immature). And even if it's normal for you son to eat upstairs (weird to me, I'd never have been allowed to do that by my parents) surely on this occasion you or your husband should have been saying 'your sister has worked hard on this, let's sit down and enjoy it together'.

Overall it just seems like there is a complete lack of respect from your husband to the family, and from your daughter to your husband. That kind of language wouldn't be acceptable to me. As for the dog....

CourtneeLuv · 26/08/2022 23:49

BlackShoes · 26/08/2022 22:00

The only correct response is "thank you"?

Dd made dinner for 5 tonight. Pork loin chops, corn cobs, broccoli, and roasted courgette and tomato in garlic.
DOD all the prep, timings and everything.
Dh was trying to be a spoony fucker, telling her she should do this and that, this was overcooking etc and she roundly said to stop "backseat cooking" and leave her to it.
The dog subsequently ate one of the chops while dd was in the loo and dh was in the kitchen.
Later, dd served up the chops but not the veg, but as she is having trouble with her tummy, popped to the loo again quickly. Dh commented that we were obviously having cold dinner tonight. I told him.tonshish, she has gone to a lot of effort for everyone and if his is too cold, pop it in the microwave.
Once dd was back and served up, she took one plate up to ds upstairs, put one plate aside for other ds whonwas ar work, and told DJ to come down and get his (he was upstairs by this point). Dh said, can you bring me mine like you did ds? Dd responded with no, you have been talking shit to me all night and I am not your slave.
Dh came down, looked at the dinner and said "wheres the rest of it?" meaning there wasnt enough and she had left off the tomatoes and chop. She explained that she had left the tomatoes off because she didn't think they were good enough. She had also taken the chop off his plate to replace the missing chop for (upstairs) ds as dh had been commenting in the cooking of it, so he was the one who could miss out. He then questioned why ds (the one working) got two pieces of garlic bread and he didnt. Dd explained that ds didnt have a chop (vegetarian) and had also not eaten lunch as we were out and had gone straight to work without eating so would be hungry. He complained he was the one that needed the most calories in the house.
Anyway, he needed up flopping the plate of dinner on to the couch and stating nah dont want it now and storming upstairs remarking he would just make his own.
Later he came down and went to take his plate off the couch to eat it, and found most of it gone as dd had fed it to the dog. He was then annoyed about that, even though he said he didnt want it!
Aibu to think he should have just 1)warmed int up if needed 2)just damn well said thank you and 3)if he was still hungry, make something else later and 4) not then stropped that dd fed his "unwanted" dinner to the dog!

What a fucking child. He'd be making his own food 24/7 if this were my house.

Aussiegirl123456 · 26/08/2022 23:49

I can’t believe how many posters are so concerned with your family dynamics! Yikes! Your son ate in his room as he was busy, it’s not the end of the world ffs! I had millions of meals in my bedroom while writing my PhD thesis, was neither grim nor anything to be concerned about.

Your daughter kept going to the loo because of stomach pain, how does that make her dirty like some posters have suggested?!

Your dd did well. I know if I was cooking and had someone constantly berating me, allowing the dog to sabotage etc, then I wouldn’t have stuck around and finished. So well done to your dd. Your husband should apologise.

blahblahblahspoons · 26/08/2022 23:50

mowly77 · 26/08/2022 23:40

@blahblahblahspoons Yes! What a great episode. I shall make DP watch it although DD is only 4 so bit of a ways to go frankly.

I don't know, I've got it in my head that Bingo is supposed to be 5 and Bluey 7 but I have no clue where I've got that from. :)

I don't know if it's bad or good that I now use Bluey as essentially a parenting manual? And also that I love it so much?

Given how great Chilli and Bandit are I think both Bluey and Bingo will be serving dinner for 5 with multiple different cooked elements like OPs DD at 12!

I'd quite like OPs DD to cook dinner for me to be fair, sounds lovely, lots of veg, very healthy. My dinner offerings are far less interesting.

Pallisers · 26/08/2022 23:52

I don't have a 12 year old. I do have a 21 year old and if she cooked dinner I'd be nothing but grateful. If it all went wrong for DH with the dinner (as in the dog ate his chop), he'd cheerfully make himself toast and say thanks anyway.

Off topic but I think MN should have a line of aprons/teatowels that say Banish Spooney Fuckers or similar (Fuck Spooney Fuckers?). I'd certainly buy them. It is the single best phrase I got from MN. It is like those words (schadenfreude?) that you didn't know you needed until someone said them.

typeb · 26/08/2022 23:53

Meanwhile back at the ranch....

OP asked for the answer to 4 AIBU qs..So...

Aibu to think he should have just 1)warmed int up if needed

YANBU

2)just damn well said thank you

YANBU

3)if he was still hungry, make something else later

YANBU

  1. not then stropped that dd fed his "unwanted" dinner to the dog

YANBU

Hawkins001 · 26/08/2022 23:54

@BlackShoes

your dd was wonderful.

Hawkins001 · 26/08/2022 23:55

If someone makes me dinner it's always appreciated and I never criticize as they are cooking and if they needed help I would assist but other than that it's always best to show appreciation.

blahblahblahspoons · 26/08/2022 23:57

Maybe OP can tell her H how many MNetters would gladly thank his DD for providing a lovely, varied, decent meal.

I wonder if he ever cooks? I doubt it given how horrible he was being, complaining about it being cold is ridiculous - it's not a restaurant! If you have several different elements (garlic bread, chops, broccoli, corn, garlicky roasted courgette and tomato - this is making me hungry) then it's quite difficult to get them all to be ready simultaneously. It's a skill and even experienced cooks can get it wrong. Pretty amazing for a 12 year old to do it at all.

I was pathetically grateful when my 12 year old made me pasta and pesto the other day! 😂

Oddbobbyboo · 26/08/2022 23:59

He’s an absolute tool!

marvellousmaple · 27/08/2022 00:01

The dog eating chops is giving me palpations. Don't let your dog eat chops ( particularly cooked ones)!!! The bone gets stuck in their intestines and it costs a fortune at the vet for the operation to remove it. Believe me!

Original poster
BlackShoes · 27/08/2022 00:11

It was pork loin chops, no bones. DDog is fine, and sitting next to me taking over the sofa!

OP posts:
Kite22 · 27/08/2022 00:13

User6761 · 26/08/2022 23:47

OP you ask if the only correct response is to say thank you - I'd go further and say the only correct response IMO would be for everyone to sit down together to eat the meal she had worked hard to prepare. Completely disrespectful for you husband to eat upstairs (he sounds completely immature). And even if it's normal for you son to eat upstairs (weird to me, I'd never have been allowed to do that by my parents) surely on this occasion you or your husband should have been saying 'your sister has worked hard on this, let's sit down and enjoy it together'.

Overall it just seems like there is a complete lack of respect from your husband to the family, and from your daughter to your husband. That kind of language wouldn't be acceptable to me. As for the dog....

All of this.

Your dh sounds a poor excuse for a parent.

your 12 yr old did really well to cook a full meal like that and User is right, I would expect the family (except the one out at work) to sit down and eat it together and to thank her for her hard work.

Original poster
BlackShoes · 27/08/2022 00:14

And thank you for the comments on DD - She is pretty awesome (needs to watch her mouth, but what teen doesn't!). There are many things she can't do, many things she can do, and many many things she tries to do and we encourage her to keep going. She has challenges but she keeps on fighting to get there.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlackShoes · 27/08/2022 00:20

Again, dh CHOSE to eat upstairs. Ds was doing something important that dd didn't want to interrupt, she wasn't upset by him, she was understanding and doing something nice for her brother.
I do try and make up for where DH fails to step up and we have had a nice evening together. In fact, we have had a nice day! Sorted school uniforms this morning, sorted out bits in her room, went uniform shopping for the bits we needed and shoe shopping, stationery shopping (the BEST bit! she needs everything matching and who doesn't love matching stationery?!) and did the groceries. Sat and ate together and watched a film. She's gone to bed a very happy girl!

OP posts:
ilovesushi · 27/08/2022 00:21

Your DD sounds amazing cooking a complex family dinner whilst handling annoying comments from her dad and not feeling 100%. Hopefully she wasn't upset by his reaction. I wish mine were more interested in cooking. I would be happy with toast!

Swipe left for the next trending thread