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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really don't want to go on this hen do

734 replies

AngelicaSchuyler1 · 26/08/2022 11:37

Hen do woes...

My best friend is getting married in November.

She has booked a hen weekend for Oct in a city 2 hours from where we live, we are staying in a big house and there's a spa and swimming pool, hot tub, nice restaurant on site etc.

We've all had to pay £189 each to stay in this house for two nights, plus costs of driving there etc.

My friend was originally in the group on FB messenger but has since left so we can organise surprises etc for her. One of the other hens has decided to take charge and Im actually dreading going because she's turning it into a total tacky chav fest.

She has already bought us penis whistles, feather boas, t -shirts with "funny" names on them (e.g. Juicy Jenny, Hannah the Whore, Slaggy Sam) and is insisting we wear them when we eat at the restaurant on the first night. This is a NICE restaurant and not cheap. She has also bought a penis costume and is insisting the bride can wear it to the restaurant and it will be "such a laugh". She bought all of this tat without asking us first and now wants us all to send her the money for it.

A couple of us have piped up and said we want to wear nice outfits to the restaurant but this hen is insisting that we do all of the above to make the bride laugh, and that we can wear the t-shirts over our outfits. And she's not going to be returning any of the items and we need to each pay a share for what she's bought.

Added to that, this hen is also insisting we all chip in for a male stripper, which will cost £40 each and his performance will be maximum 20 minutes! I have flat out refused to pay for this and the group chat got a bit tense as the hen was insisting we do it.

I know my best friend and yeah she might find the above funny when we're all in the house together but I also think she will be embarrassed arriving to the restaurant dressed as a cock and got the impression from her she wanted a more classy weekend enjoying the facilities on site and having a nice meal together.

I've never met this other hen before but I already dislike her and she is really putting me off going to the hen weekend. She is really bossy and all of her ideas are tacky and hideous.

Do I tell my best friend what the other hen is planning and potentially ruin the surprise for her but give her fair warning? Or do I keep my mouth shut and just try to enjoy the weekend as best I can?

OP posts:
LicoricePizza · 27/08/2022 19:52

Motorcycleemptyness · 27/08/2022 17:48

No one has said disliking one woman is misogynistic. That would be an insane thing to say. For example, I am pretty sure if I met you, I would dislike you. Not because I’m a misogynist, but because you are clearly incapable of reading my posts and keep posting the same nonsense over and over.

what I did say is that pages of posts insulting a woman by calling her a ‘cow’ - an insult that is ONLY used towards women, and never towards men, is misogynistic and unacceptable on a website largely frequented by women. And I stand by that.

Show quote history

Why are you policing posts about an unpleasant, disruptive woman who has earned the jocular & apt nickname of cowhen?

Would you object if a man who’d been equally objectionable was called a dick or complete prick??

V weird of you to call misogyny.

Love Cowhen & think it should be trending
#cowhen 🤣

Clammyclam · 27/08/2022 19:53

Shamelessly here for an update

Cheeseandcrackers86 · 27/08/2022 19:55

Has anyone checked if this is all over the tabloids yet? My bet is it's a journalist scam

Motorcycleemptyness · 27/08/2022 19:59

mam0918 · 27/08/2022 19:30

Its used towards women because cows are inherantly female.

Are you that same person from the meme that got mad that all the cows who made her yogert had female names?

Should we call her CuntHen instead... because I call more guys Cunt than girls or maybe thats still too feminine in which case BellendHen?

The only one incapable of reading is you... thats why MULTIPLE people are calling you out on your ridiculous post, usually when everyone agrees (complete strangers from different backgrounds) and you disagree its you in the wrong.

Show quote history

Yep, cows are female. Just like a bitch is a female dog. Both words are used to demean and degrade women. It’s awful. I am sorry you are incapable of understanding that and if this is the hill you wish to die on, crack on calling women bitches and cows and using other horrible misogynistic language. It reflects poorly on you, though and if you can’t come up with anything funnier than ‘cowhen’ then i guess that’s your problem. it doesn’t even flow!

Jem57 · 27/08/2022 20:17

I work in Liverpool city centre and see groups of stags and hens every weekend from out of town dressed like complete idiots and think it’s hilarious,it’s not it’s pure tack and you look ridiculous,grow up.

sunglassesonthetable · 27/08/2022 20:18

it doesn’t even flow!

I think that's what makes it inherently funny actually.

And yep use the word bitch also. As well as cow.

And it's not about ' understanding' as you so patronisingly put it. It's about not 'choosing'.

I think it reflects on you really. It's microscopic, navel gazing, pursed lip correctness.

chillipenguin · 27/08/2022 20:18

Motorcycleemptyness · 27/08/2022 19:59

Yep, cows are female. Just like a bitch is a female dog. Both words are used to demean and degrade women. It’s awful. I am sorry you are incapable of understanding that and if this is the hill you wish to die on, crack on calling women bitches and cows and using other horrible misogynistic language. It reflects poorly on you, though and if you can’t come up with anything funnier than ‘cowhen’ then i guess that’s your problem. it doesn’t even flow!

Show quote history

Ah I think I see what you are saying I shall be mindful in future thank you. Would PenisHen be a better name?

sunglassesonthetable · 27/08/2022 20:18

it doesn’t even flow!

I think that's what makes it inherently funny actually.

And yep use the word bitch also. As well as cow.

And it's not about ' understanding' as you so patronisingly put it. It's about not 'choosing'.

I think it reflects on you really. It's microscopic, navel gazing, pursed lip correctness.

Blantw · 27/08/2022 20:19

Drop out, don't tell bride why but arrange a dinner and drink with her as compensation.
Or
Message the others privately and if you have a majority who agree, tell the oorganiser that the girls are not happy, they will not pay for the rubbish she has bought, and that arrangements will be organised by all.

LightHouseParade · 27/08/2022 20:21

I think this is the problem when a group is just given the task to do something. The loudest and most confident person runs away with it. The bride should have made it really clear that it was the two bridesmaids to take control of things if that's what she wanted.

I feel sorry for the bride but sadly she's not the first to encounter a situation like this - at least going by MN.

I'm also posting to find out the update. Best of luck!

Farmmum77 · 27/08/2022 20:24

Motorcycleemptyness · 27/08/2022 19:59

Yep, cows are female. Just like a bitch is a female dog. Both words are used to demean and degrade women. It’s awful. I am sorry you are incapable of understanding that and if this is the hill you wish to die on, crack on calling women bitches and cows and using other horrible misogynistic language. It reflects poorly on you, though and if you can’t come up with anything funnier than ‘cowhen’ then i guess that’s your problem. it doesn’t even flow!

Show quote history

Genuine question, what word would you use to vent frustrations about somebody’s crappy behaviour?

Merryoldgoat · 27/08/2022 20:27

This is also why I organised my own hen night (note: night - not weekend).

Cost everyone £35 each plus a bottle of Prosecco and I provided all the food.

Unfortunately some penis straws slipped in but otherwise it was all as I wanted without any bullshit.

Confusion101 · 27/08/2022 20:28

Blantw · 27/08/2022 20:19

Drop out, don't tell bride why but arrange a dinner and drink with her as compensation.
Or
Message the others privately and if you have a majority who agree, tell the oorganiser that the girls are not happy, they will not pay for the rubbish she has bought, and that arrangements will be organised by all.

She's bridesmaid, she cannot drop out

ratbag44 · 27/08/2022 20:31

This is an incredibly outing post. I wonder if one of the other hens is on MN and has clocked op? Maybe that's why there's no update.

Kamenakawena · 27/08/2022 20:32

If bride was off work at 7pm yesterday and still no update- do we assume bride picked the old colleague cowhen and not OP? 🤔

mam0918 · 27/08/2022 20:37

Motorcycleemptyness · 27/08/2022 19:59

Yep, cows are female. Just like a bitch is a female dog. Both words are used to demean and degrade women. It’s awful. I am sorry you are incapable of understanding that and if this is the hill you wish to die on, crack on calling women bitches and cows and using other horrible misogynistic language. It reflects poorly on you, though and if you can’t come up with anything funnier than ‘cowhen’ then i guess that’s your problem. it doesn’t even flow!

Show quote history

hill to die on... you're the ONLY one dying on a hill.

Mostly because you have zero idea what mysoginy actually is but have doubled down on your incorrect belief.

As I said previously you might want to take you pearls elsewhere because on a womans forum and 24 pages (hundreds of women and posts) not one single person has agreed with you but several have called YOU out for being wrong.

Its not the whole world that wrong it is you.

Annieisalright · 27/08/2022 20:41

@Motorcycleemptyness

At best it's sexist language

Not misogyny

You clearly just don't understand the words you're using

DiscoBadgers · 27/08/2022 20:42

Perhaps Cowhen has derailed the thread with misogyny posts and reported OP to MNHQ as a troll….. Grin

mam0918 · 27/08/2022 20:42

Motorcycleemptyness · 27/08/2022 19:59

Yep, cows are female. Just like a bitch is a female dog. Both words are used to demean and degrade women. It’s awful. I am sorry you are incapable of understanding that and if this is the hill you wish to die on, crack on calling women bitches and cows and using other horrible misogynistic language. It reflects poorly on you, though and if you can’t come up with anything funnier than ‘cowhen’ then i guess that’s your problem. it doesn’t even flow!

Show quote history

Also I did not 'come up with' cowhen and its not about flow maybe you where too stupid to get it but its the juxtaposition of two opposit farm animals... you know like the old TV show catdog etc...

juxtaposition has always been used like that for mild humous effect, it was cleaver because of than and the double meaning of being a rude person... sorry it went entirely over your head.

Queenohmean · 27/08/2022 20:46

I believe the time has come to tell this self-appointed broad to step off. Allow her to deal with the consequences of her thoughtless expenditures. Her insistence alone is suspect. The proposed costume sounds like thinly veiled passive aggression (i swear that was not on purpose). As the best-friend, is there any justifiable reason that prevents you from setting new, improved arrangements into motion? If you insist on fading into the wallpaper, you limit yourself (along with everyone else) to two undesirable choices: going along or going it alone. If I were the bride to be, and you kept these horrific plans from me, I'd be forced to rethink our friendship.

Perky1 · 27/08/2022 21:00

I just wouldn’t go. You don’t have to sign up to that trashy stuff. I’d happily lose my money. Good riddance.

Starwind74 · 27/08/2022 21:02

I think you might be right Karmanakawena.

Jack80 · 27/08/2022 21:05

I would have to tell the bride see what she says and the she can pretend to not know if she is happy with it or can maybe mention. I hope that my hen won’t be tacky as it’s not what I want.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 27/08/2022 21:13

It looks like it @Kamenakawena
Shame if that's the case.
I'd sort of thought that bride would have been mortified and decided to cancel the whole thing.
I would have.

Annieisalright · 27/08/2022 21:15

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 27/08/2022 21:13

It looks like it @Kamenakawena
Shame if that's the case.
I'd sort of thought that bride would have been mortified and decided to cancel the whole thing.
I would have.

Why would it be a shame?

People have different tastes

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