Really don't want to go on this hen do

[AngelicaSchuyler1]

Hen do woes...

My best friend is getting married in November.

She has booked a hen weekend for Oct in a city 2 hours from where we live, we are staying in a big house and there's a spa and swimming pool, hot tub, nice restaurant on site etc.

We've all had to pay £189 each to stay in this house for two nights, plus costs of driving there etc.

My friend was originally in the group on FB messenger but has since left so we can organise surprises etc for her. One of the other hens has decided to take charge and Im actually dreading going because she's turning it into a total tacky chav fest.

She has already bought us penis whistles, feather boas, t -shirts with "funny" names on them (e.g. Juicy Jenny, Hannah the Whore, Slaggy Sam) and is insisting we wear them when we eat at the restaurant on the first night. This is a NICE restaurant and not cheap. She has also bought a penis costume and is insisting the bride can wear it to the restaurant and it will be "such a laugh". She bought all of this tat without asking us first and now wants us all to send her the money for it.

A couple of us have piped up and said we want to wear nice outfits to the restaurant but this hen is insisting that we do all of the above to make the bride laugh, and that we can wear the t-shirts over our outfits. And she's not going to be returning any of the items and we need to each pay a share for what she's bought.

Added to that, this hen is also insisting we all chip in for a male stripper, which will cost £40 each and his performance will be maximum 20 minutes! I have flat out refused to pay for this and the group chat got a bit tense as the hen was insisting we do it.

I know my best friend and yeah she might find the above funny when we're all in the house together but I also think she will be embarrassed arriving to the restaurant dressed as a cock and got the impression from her she wanted a more classy weekend enjoying the facilities on site and having a nice meal together.

I've never met this other hen before but I already dislike her and she is really putting me off going to the hen weekend. She is really bossy and all of her ideas are tacky and hideous.

Do I tell my best friend what the other hen is planning and potentially ruin the surprise for her but give her fair warning? Or do I keep my mouth shut and just try to enjoy the weekend as best I can?

What a mess! I would have hated this if I was the bride. After my last hen party I never want to go to one again, after paying for accommodation plus all the wedding costs we were constantly getting messages from the MOH wanting us to pay for the brides t-shirt, afternoon tea, meal, drinks, dressing gown.... it never ended!!
Can believe some of the hens have parted with £75 for a load of tat!

I'm only on page 5 working my way through the thread, maybe this has already been asked just wondering what the bride's association with this person is. From all you say, you appear to know the bride well, just wondering why this person has taken over and giving out orders left right and centre without a consensus or consultation with the other participants.

For the restaurant be smart but casual what you want to wear the resturant let the others know by private message but not her and claim ignorance if they agree fine she will look like a dick might kick you out if you go dressed as what shes suggested and she will look the fool . Also maybe ask the Bride what she would like regarding a hen do on the qt and inform the other hens but not her. Its all about youre friend having a good time and to me you sound like a genuine friend. Obviously pay the hotel and accomadation thats all nothing else because the selfish bitch took it upon herself to organise the rest my daughter has organised a hen do this weekend she didnt really want to go ive encouraged her a mum of 2 but ive said delegate shes provided the stuff witch caused her a small headache ive said delegate but enjoy i think they were in contact throughout ill let you know how it goes .

If she is your best friend you likely know her best so I would be telling her if you feel she won’t like it. Maybe ask her do you want tacky or classy if she says classy is personally let her know or tell this random person that she won’t like it. I wouldn’t pull out if it’s your best friend but id be upfront.

I’ve been following this. Will there be an update soon?????

Why don't you chat to the bride and ask, btw what would be your ideal hen party and what would be your worst nightmare. If she wants something classy take over the organising and tell them that the cocks and whores ain't happening. If the brides idea of fun party is chavy party her friend is organising, then politely decline, tell her you have a good excuse.

I am totally on your side. One of my best friends has a friend who the SECOND anything is announced almost has to prove herself by organising everything adding to cost and demanding immediate payment. As a result I’ve stopped going to big nights out as she completely takes over with no regard for anyone else. It is getting so boring now as if to say HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT WHAT A GOOD FRIEND I AM!!!

Id either drop out or tell your best friend what is up so she can ask her to tone it down. Totally feel for you and you are NOT being unreasonable. I find the whole fake penis thing totally tacky.

Eagerly waiting for an update!

Need an update please?!

what I did say is that pages of posts insulting a woman by calling her a ‘cow’ - an insult that is ONLY used towards women, and never towards men, is misogynistic and unacceptable on a website largely frequented by women. And I stand by that.

Yep. I thought it was the word 'cow' had you riled.

Meh I call women 'cows' and men 'cocks' ( only if it's called for obvs ) Yep. Shoot me.

This is exactly why I organised my own night our, hate all that stuff. When I organised my friends, we all met at mine and she knew something was happening and was really worried I had got a sripper, but then the limo arrived, took us on a run round the city, then a lovely meal and drinks. None of that tacky dressing up. If you don't think that is your friend's cup of tea, you may need to tell her. Good luck.

Update...

omg who behaves like this (cowhen) I mean ! Is she ok , she sounds seriously deranged!
I would not want her there either. I feel for you if you both have to go. As that would be so awkward .

what’s the update ? I’m dying to know.

Sounds like my idea of hell, nothing worse than a tacky hen. Can I ask how old you all are? It seems like you know her best so I would stick to your guns. Hopefully she confirms all this shortly.

that sounds like it is going to be awful.
I totally agree with you & i’d not only not want to wear the tacky stuff but also have to pay for it! what a difficult situation you are in x

This

Update plzzz

Oh no this is a nightmare!! Oh op please don’t let this cow hen take over. It’s embarrassing and cringey. Please take over and tell her to chill out. You need to suggest some much nicer things to do for her.

I have a close friend group of 9 of us, we grew up together, went to school together and although now in our 40’s are still best friends. Our hen do’s always consist of a goodie bag each, we always do personalised champagne glasses a bottle of Prosecco each, then the bride will get a super special one with a Moët and personalised glass and special gifts that they will like, fave perfume, molton brown bubble bath etc. This supplies the drink for us all in the room and our glasses to drink from.
thats so much better than spending £75 on tat!!!!

For your meal, you can get a nice flower headband or something to make her centre of attention but that’s all.

good luck, your going to need it!

Sounds absolutely awful, I would tell the bride you're not going and why. I would be mortified if I was the bride and someone had arranged that for me. Each to their own though, I suppose 🙄🤮

Entire thread will be filled up with 'waiting for update' posts before the OP gets a chance to come back at this rate...

Its used towards women because cows are inherantly female.

Are you that same person from the meme that got mad that all the cows who made her yogert had female names?

Should we call her CuntHen instead... because I call more guys Cunt than girls or maybe thats still too feminine in which case BellendHen?

The only one incapable of reading is you... thats why MULTIPLE people are calling you out on your ridiculous post, usually when everyone agrees (complete strangers from different backgrounds) and you disagree its you in the wrong.

Imagine you got a babysitter. Went to the hairdressers, bought a new outfit, did your make up and had a very rare night out with your partner and decided to go to a lovely restaurant, only to be seated next to someone dressed as a penis - I would not be delighted with this!

She has discussed it thats why she is in charge not cowhen.

The BRIDE picked the classy resteraunt and spa not the bridesmaids or hens, why on earth would someone pick a posh meal and spa if they wanted a sweaty man grinding on them while dressed as a giant penis costume.

Great idea - do this OP

I'm thinking the bride is all for the penis hence the lack of update

The OP has known the bride a lot less in terms of time than 'cow hen' as well so it's not impossible the friend who knows her longer is the one who is on the money