Really don't want to go on this hen do

[AngelicaSchuyler1]

Hen do woes...

My best friend is getting married in November.

She has booked a hen weekend for Oct in a city 2 hours from where we live, we are staying in a big house and there's a spa and swimming pool, hot tub, nice restaurant on site etc.

We've all had to pay £189 each to stay in this house for two nights, plus costs of driving there etc.

My friend was originally in the group on FB messenger but has since left so we can organise surprises etc for her. One of the other hens has decided to take charge and Im actually dreading going because she's turning it into a total tacky chav fest.

She has already bought us penis whistles, feather boas, t -shirts with "funny" names on them (e.g. Juicy Jenny, Hannah the Whore, Slaggy Sam) and is insisting we wear them when we eat at the restaurant on the first night. This is a NICE restaurant and not cheap. She has also bought a penis costume and is insisting the bride can wear it to the restaurant and it will be "such a laugh". She bought all of this tat without asking us first and now wants us all to send her the money for it.

A couple of us have piped up and said we want to wear nice outfits to the restaurant but this hen is insisting that we do all of the above to make the bride laugh, and that we can wear the t-shirts over our outfits. And she's not going to be returning any of the items and we need to each pay a share for what she's bought.

Added to that, this hen is also insisting we all chip in for a male stripper, which will cost £40 each and his performance will be maximum 20 minutes! I have flat out refused to pay for this and the group chat got a bit tense as the hen was insisting we do it.

I know my best friend and yeah she might find the above funny when we're all in the house together but I also think she will be embarrassed arriving to the restaurant dressed as a cock and got the impression from her she wanted a more classy weekend enjoying the facilities on site and having a nice meal together.

I've never met this other hen before but I already dislike her and she is really putting me off going to the hen weekend. She is really bossy and all of her ideas are tacky and hideous.

Do I tell my best friend what the other hen is planning and potentially ruin the surprise for her but give her fair warning? Or do I keep my mouth shut and just try to enjoy the weekend as best I can?

Cock not cocktail. My autocorrect is very polite it seems!

CowHen

Legend

It’s still misogyny even if you’re doing it in response to something equally misogynistic and horrible. Makes you on the same level. If you can’t see that then you’re beyond help but thanks for your input…I guess?

Idk how about something that doesn’t rely on lazy misogynistic insults of women?
HTH.

Where art though op, need an update! Is cow hen going to be flogging Babs will bend over tshirts and a penis costume on Facebook market place soon??????

as to telling the bride, unavoidable as she is going to be seriously pissed off if her bridesmaid isn’t in her hen do

Yes OP please come back and give us an update so we can stop going around in circles talking about misogyny 😅 I'm wondering if the bride wanted all the penis paraphernalia and that's why OP hasn't returned?

I had to cancel my hen do and make another that TBH, I didn't enjoy as much as I wanted. I had wanted to go to a certain big city and do the cocktail making sessions and pub crawl thing. One hen (guest, not in the wedding party) went to the city often for nights out and had a very busy social life. I however was a homebody and didn't go out much. I'd never been to this city and was looking forward to it despite being quite shy, especially around strangers.
I invited my good friends. There would have been about 6 or 7 of us. As it got closer, Hen in question kept telling us how excited she was, and then announced that she'd invited a few girls from work!

"I was going to go on a works night out with them soon so why not kill two birds with one stone, eh?".

The next week she'd added her two sisters.

"They're great. You'll love them!"

And after that, it was another stranger to me on the new guest list. At that rate I was going to be celebrating with a whole bunch of people who would only know I was the Bride by the novelty Veil and L plates I'd have on. Maybe I could add my name-tag to my L Plate..

In the end it got too much for me to worry about. I cancelled, citing my family wasn't able to attend and we'd needed to change it to a fancy meal at a local restaurant. Hen was upset and told me it was too late, she would need to go on the night out as planned but without the hens.

The evening out was alright I suppose. I mean, the creme brûlée dessert was fucking good but it still didn't make up for the lost Hen do.

Misogyny is the hatred and contempt of all women… she doesn’t dislike all women just this woman, the one who tried to force her ideas on everyone and have them pay for the privilege and when she didn’t get her way tried to hijack the entire event by forming a new chat group and excluding one of the wedding party!!! If you’re going to throw around words like misogyny at least make sure you know what you’re talking about.

Maybe it was a misunderstanding and Cowhen was actually in charge of the hen do all along. If bride likes it, then I would happily leave cowHen in charge, she would clearly be organising the right Do for the bride. If bride hates it, then it's settled and OP can happily get on organising the right do for the bride.

@HouchinBawbags what a cheeky cow hope you sat her next to an lecherous old uncle at the reception 😓

Behaviour towards women can be misogynistic, even if coming from other women. It’s nothing to do with hatred towards all women, and the definition you linked to literally does not say that - so I think we are done here because you are simply too stupid for me to argue with any longer.

blows penis whistle and hoiks up ‘slaggy Sarah t-shirt I’m done!

I think a compromise could be reached. As others have said, penises and T shirts could be worn in the house but not the restaurant. Stripper definitely needs cancelling. Sashes for you all and a little veil for the bride at restaurant and could be a bit of fun without being offensive. She has to bear in mind that there might be children at the restaurant. I would not be happy if my children were subjected to a giant dick and Sarah the slut T shirts

That being said, perhaps the lack of update is because the bride actually WANTS to dress as a giant dick 🤣

It's not remotely mysogyny.

Some times people are awful people, we are allowed to call them word relating to that regardless of what genitals they have and the actual mysogyny is the idea that women can never dislike or disagree with other women and we must all be kind and get along with 'cowhens'.

Take your pearl clutching elsewhere.

Misogyny is disliking somebody because they are female and because of characteristics attributed to their gender…. It is the genetic dislike of all women. Misogyny is not because you think one woman is a stupid cow. If that were the case everyone would be misogynistic as seriously is there anyone out there who doesn’t dislike somebody??? Honestly please educate yourself.

If your9 friend I'd expecting classy spa weekend I'd tell her missX is planning a tacky pile of shite...
I went on a similar and ended up leaving early.. total waste of time and money. Tell x she can pay for the tat herself

Oh bugger off again!

It's not misogynistic to apply a derogatory term to a sole female recipient who has entirely earned it.

Misogyny would be saying "all women are CowHens."

HTH

The Self Appointed Organiser really doesn't have any filters does she? The night sounds horrendous if she gets her way.

No one has said disliking one woman is misogynistic. That would be an insane thing to say. For example, I am pretty sure if I met you, I would dislike you. Not because I’m a misogynist, but because you are clearly incapable of reading my posts and keep posting the same nonsense over and over.

what I did say is that pages of posts insulting a woman by calling her a ‘cow’ - an insult that is ONLY used towards women, and never towards men, is misogynistic and unacceptable on a website largely frequented by women. And I stand by that.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Brilliant! 😂

I've had my eyes out on stalks reading all the updates and other PPs stories of 'henzillas'!! 😳😳😳

This one is the absolute worst though. To lie and say to the other hens that you've decided to dip out of the do is outrageous!!

OP, I hope you've been able to straighten things out for the bride and the original plan still goes ahead 💐

Oh wow... I have no advice, but I definitely want to hear what the bride says!

id be horrified if I was the bride! Please tell us what she said

I’m sat here in total disbelief that someone can be SO tone deaf 😳😳😳😳 hope you get it sorted as stress free as possible OP