Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really don't want to go on this hen do

734 replies

AngelicaSchuyler1 · 26/08/2022 11:37

Hen do woes...

My best friend is getting married in November.

She has booked a hen weekend for Oct in a city 2 hours from where we live, we are staying in a big house and there's a spa and swimming pool, hot tub, nice restaurant on site etc.

We've all had to pay £189 each to stay in this house for two nights, plus costs of driving there etc.

My friend was originally in the group on FB messenger but has since left so we can organise surprises etc for her. One of the other hens has decided to take charge and Im actually dreading going because she's turning it into a total tacky chav fest.

She has already bought us penis whistles, feather boas, t -shirts with "funny" names on them (e.g. Juicy Jenny, Hannah the Whore, Slaggy Sam) and is insisting we wear them when we eat at the restaurant on the first night. This is a NICE restaurant and not cheap. She has also bought a penis costume and is insisting the bride can wear it to the restaurant and it will be "such a laugh". She bought all of this tat without asking us first and now wants us all to send her the money for it.

A couple of us have piped up and said we want to wear nice outfits to the restaurant but this hen is insisting that we do all of the above to make the bride laugh, and that we can wear the t-shirts over our outfits. And she's not going to be returning any of the items and we need to each pay a share for what she's bought.

Added to that, this hen is also insisting we all chip in for a male stripper, which will cost £40 each and his performance will be maximum 20 minutes! I have flat out refused to pay for this and the group chat got a bit tense as the hen was insisting we do it.

I know my best friend and yeah she might find the above funny when we're all in the house together but I also think she will be embarrassed arriving to the restaurant dressed as a cock and got the impression from her she wanted a more classy weekend enjoying the facilities on site and having a nice meal together.

I've never met this other hen before but I already dislike her and she is really putting me off going to the hen weekend. She is really bossy and all of her ideas are tacky and hideous.

Do I tell my best friend what the other hen is planning and potentially ruin the surprise for her but give her fair warning? Or do I keep my mouth shut and just try to enjoy the weekend as best I can?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 27/08/2022 12:44

Still no update 😕 😞

sunglassesonthetable · 27/08/2022 12:55

@KyaClark Thank you.

Wow! seriously what are these people??

and @MillennialFalconer

It's unbelievable.

EekGoesTheBaby · 27/08/2022 12:56

Largethighsbadeyes · 27/08/2022 12:21

Why is there no update from the OP 😢 I am definitely overinvested but I need to know what the bride said

I'm with you! I'm not saying the entire success of my weekend depends on whether or not we get that update even though it does.

sunglassesonthetable · 27/08/2022 12:56

What rock do they all crawl out from at the mention of Hen Do?

nutbrownhare15 · 27/08/2022 13:02

Waiting for the update...

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/08/2022 13:13

mummabubs · 27/08/2022 12:43

We had similar (minus the tears!) When my younger sister got married eight years ago me and our other sister were her two bridesmaids. One of her old school friends who was invited took it upon herself to arrange the hen do for my sister. We felt this was a bit presumptuous as she wasn't in the wedding party but checked with our sister and she didn't mind who did it. So school friend arranged the hen do, with no consultation with anyone else. In the city the school friend had recently moved to. Which was 300 miles away from everyone else. So all twenty attendees had to either pay for a domestic flight or travel 10 hours by coach (I did the latter as couldn't afford the £200 flight on top of the ridiculous £150-for-one-night hotel fee that the school friend had already booked). All activities clearly not centered with my sister in mind and the ultimate cheek was getting me and my other sister to pay her for "the three sisters" to go and get our makeup professionally done before the evening meal/night out. Not our thing, but we agreed. Time comes at the end of the cocktail-making class and school friend jubilantly announces that she and the bride were off to get their makeup done. And off they went. We didn't make a scene as we didn't want to upset my sister but we were absolutely fuming. Shortly after the wedding she and my sister fell out and she hasn't spoken to her since!

Show quote history

That’s insane !!

why didn’t someone say it was madness for everyone to travel to a place no one wanted to go and adding extra expense

@AngelicaSchuyler1 Hope you and bride are ok

Veeve090 · 27/08/2022 13:37

I’m sorry but I feel it was selfish to inform the bride, she should never have been dragged into it. Now she’s going to panic about the atmosphere amongst everyone when it comes to it, so the weekend has potentially been ruined now anyway (the irony of all of this!!!). They’re all grown adults, the hens should have sorted it out amongst themselves.

Meseekslookatme · 27/08/2022 14:07

Veeve090 · 27/08/2022 13:37

I’m sorry but I feel it was selfish to inform the bride, she should never have been dragged into it. Now she’s going to panic about the atmosphere amongst everyone when it comes to it, so the weekend has potentially been ruined now anyway (the irony of all of this!!!). They’re all grown adults, the hens should have sorted it out amongst themselves.

She tried. Politely.
Cowhen is fucking batshit and needs dealing with. There wasn't much choice other than getting the bride involved

Ohahjustalittlebit · 27/08/2022 14:16

I do not think it was selfish at all to be honest. The bride needs to know that her one hen weekend potentially ever in her life is being hijacked by a control freak. I would never forgive my best friend or any bridesmaid if they did not tell me that the weekend that should be about me was being taken over and made some freak fest.

NotARealMeat · 27/08/2022 14:27

@Chikapu 🤣 As long as she doesn't scream in the wedding Chapel!

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 27/08/2022 14:29

Has OP not returned because she’s been forcibly zipped into a penis costume?

TheCutter · 27/08/2022 14:30

Bride clocks off at I think 7pm tonight so I'll update with what she says

Oh promised update...where art thou?

EmmaH2022 · 27/08/2022 14:31

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 27/08/2022 14:29

Has OP not returned because she’s been forcibly zipped into a penis costume?

Okay, that made me 😂

Batlou · 27/08/2022 14:33

I’ve just read the whole thread. Awful, awful story.

I hope you are ok, OP, and that some sort of acceptable compromise can be struck eg willy straws and t-shirts in the house only, no stripper, normal dress in the restaurant. Hope to hear an update from you soon.

In the meantime though, what lessons for the rest of us can be learned from this…

I got married 30-odd years ago and had ten friends for a set menu dinner in a private room in a nice restaurant. Those who had travelled from out of London stayed over at my flat that night and we stayed up chatting and drinking wine until late. That was it, and it was lovely. But I get that hen dos are a much bigger thing now.

I think when it’s my daughters’ turn I will encourage them to consider appointing one trusted person and make it very clear to all the hens that this girl is the organiser. To give the organiser an good idea of what sort of affair you’re thinking of in terms of cost, time commitment, distance to travel and the spectrum of tacky to classy. I’d mention any non-negotiable at this early stage - eg no stripper.

I’m too much of a control freak to just hand the whole thing over - clearly, there’s a lot that can go wrong.

Hope it all gets resolved somehow.

Motorcycleemptyness · 27/08/2022 14:46

The misogyny on this thread is astounding. CowHen, really? It’s not funny or clever to call other women names like that, regardless of how many penis costumes they want to wear, or how stupid and mean they are in WhatsApp groups.

Really hope the bride is wearing the penis costume and blowing her penis whistle with great abandon. Not coz it’s my idea of a good time (it truly isn’t and actually I made a promise to myself a few years ago that I wasn’t going to attend another hen do/stag do/baby shower etc bc I just hate them all together) but some of the ‘superior’ posts on this thread have been terrible, and I fucking love a good plot twist.

ddl1 · 27/08/2022 14:50

Veeve090 · 27/08/2022 13:37

I’m sorry but I feel it was selfish to inform the bride, she should never have been dragged into it. Now she’s going to panic about the atmosphere amongst everyone when it comes to it, so the weekend has potentially been ruined now anyway (the irony of all of this!!!). They’re all grown adults, the hens should have sorted it out amongst themselves.

She is likely to panic more if required to wear a penis costume to a posh restaurant, or surprised with a stripper. The latter could even cause tension between the bride and groom.

Some brides might like that sort of thing, but most wouldn't.

And OP did try to sort things out without involving the bride. With complete lack of success.

soundsofthesixties · 27/08/2022 15:10

I'm so old that there was no such thing as hen nights when I got married.

Brideandpredjudice · 27/08/2022 15:23

Motorcycleemptyness · 27/08/2022 14:46

The misogyny on this thread is astounding. CowHen, really? It’s not funny or clever to call other women names like that, regardless of how many penis costumes they want to wear, or how stupid and mean they are in WhatsApp groups.

Really hope the bride is wearing the penis costume and blowing her penis whistle with great abandon. Not coz it’s my idea of a good time (it truly isn’t and actually I made a promise to myself a few years ago that I wasn’t going to attend another hen do/stag do/baby shower etc bc I just hate them all together) but some of the ‘superior’ posts on this thread have been terrible, and I fucking love a good plot twist.

Oh bugger off.

Why is it mysogyny to call her cowhen when she wants people to wear t-shirts saying 'slutty Sarah' and the like? If someone tried to give me a top like that I dare not say what I'd do.

Glitterbomber · 27/08/2022 15:29

Patiently awaiting the update 🤷‍♀️

Pansypotter123 · 27/08/2022 15:40

@Brideandpredjudice

Oh bugger off.

I laughed more than I should have at that!! 😂🤣

Festoonlights · 27/08/2022 15:40

Brideandpredjudice · 27/08/2022 15:23

Oh bugger off.

Why is it mysogyny to call her cowhen when she wants people to wear t-shirts saying 'slutty Sarah' and the like? If someone tried to give me a top like that I dare not say what I'd do.

Show quote history

I like cow hen!! Definitely adding it to my repertoire!

sunglassesonthetable · 27/08/2022 15:44

Misogyny? 🙄

" not funny or clever to call other women names like that.."

Jeez. What can she be called then? ??!Because according to the OP she's a silly overbearing pain in the ass. And she's on the Hen DO.

Merryoldgoat · 27/08/2022 15:45

Cow-hen is the best thing I’ve ever read on here.

chillipenguin · 27/08/2022 15:45

Merryoldgoat · 27/08/2022 15:45

Cow-hen is the best thing I’ve ever read on here.

Maybe it should be on her t-shirt

anonacfr · 27/08/2022 15:47

Shame we didn't get an update but I have to admit I laughed my head off at the thought of the future bride showing up at a smart restaurant dressed as a giant cocktail.
Such fun! 😂😂😂

Swipe left for the next trending thread