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Original poster

Really don't want to go on this hen do

734 replies

AngelicaSchuyler1 · 26/08/2022 11:37

Hen do woes...

My best friend is getting married in November.

She has booked a hen weekend for Oct in a city 2 hours from where we live, we are staying in a big house and there's a spa and swimming pool, hot tub, nice restaurant on site etc.

We've all had to pay £189 each to stay in this house for two nights, plus costs of driving there etc.

My friend was originally in the group on FB messenger but has since left so we can organise surprises etc for her. One of the other hens has decided to take charge and Im actually dreading going because she's turning it into a total tacky chav fest.

She has already bought us penis whistles, feather boas, t -shirts with "funny" names on them (e.g. Juicy Jenny, Hannah the Whore, Slaggy Sam) and is insisting we wear them when we eat at the restaurant on the first night. This is a NICE restaurant and not cheap. She has also bought a penis costume and is insisting the bride can wear it to the restaurant and it will be "such a laugh". She bought all of this tat without asking us first and now wants us all to send her the money for it.

A couple of us have piped up and said we want to wear nice outfits to the restaurant but this hen is insisting that we do all of the above to make the bride laugh, and that we can wear the t-shirts over our outfits. And she's not going to be returning any of the items and we need to each pay a share for what she's bought.

Added to that, this hen is also insisting we all chip in for a male stripper, which will cost £40 each and his performance will be maximum 20 minutes! I have flat out refused to pay for this and the group chat got a bit tense as the hen was insisting we do it.

I know my best friend and yeah she might find the above funny when we're all in the house together but I also think she will be embarrassed arriving to the restaurant dressed as a cock and got the impression from her she wanted a more classy weekend enjoying the facilities on site and having a nice meal together.

I've never met this other hen before but I already dislike her and she is really putting me off going to the hen weekend. She is really bossy and all of her ideas are tacky and hideous.

Do I tell my best friend what the other hen is planning and potentially ruin the surprise for her but give her fair warning? Or do I keep my mouth shut and just try to enjoy the weekend as best I can?

OP posts:
marzipaninyourpieplatebingo · 27/08/2022 08:13

still no update 🥹

AnnaFri · 27/08/2022 08:16

fuckblippi · 27/08/2022 01:03

Maybe the op is acting like she knows what the bride wants because she's actually spoken to her and does know Hmm

I'm thinking it might be a case of the OP having known the hen as a parent is viewing her a certain way.

Whereas cowhen knew her before kids and maybe she was a bit more wild

Farmmum77 · 27/08/2022 08:26

Maireas · 26/08/2022 22:14

Yeh, but you'd think they'd get on for the sake of the occasion?

Show quote history

Getting on doesn’t mean sitting back and letting some random guest wreck your best friends hen do…. Sometimes you have to speak up and not just try and get along passively

kirkandpetal · 27/08/2022 08:55

No update? OP has clearly been beaten to death with a large rubber penis.

Maireas · 27/08/2022 09:02

Farmmum77 · 27/08/2022 08:26

Getting on doesn’t mean sitting back and letting some random guest wreck your best friends hen do…. Sometimes you have to speak up and not just try and get along passively

Show quote history

I agree, I'm referring to the other person

Maireas · 27/08/2022 09:03

AnnaFri · 27/08/2022 08:16

I'm thinking it might be a case of the OP having known the hen as a parent is viewing her a certain way.

Whereas cowhen knew her before kids and maybe she was a bit more wild

Show quote history

That's actually an interesting perspective. We do see friends differently, don't we.

Fraaahnces · 27/08/2022 09:12

CowHen REEEEEAAAAAALLLLLY wanted to be a driedsmaid, didn't she? What a loon!

Fraaahnces · 27/08/2022 09:14

Btw, by this stage I would be so tempted to say something like “If you have gone off on your own tangent and ordered bags and bags of dicks, you can eat them before you get us to pay for them. Stay in your lane!!!”

bumpertobumper · 27/08/2022 09:52

Has cowhen found this thread and now the shit has hit the fan? And that's why there is no update...
Or bride has said yes to willies and so OP doesn't know what to say

WishDragon · 27/08/2022 09:59

Oh no update!

Friend of mine went to a hen do a while back where the bridesmaid went batshit, shot down any suggestions from the other hens, booked a weekend away with activities she wanted to do, in a city the bride didn’t want to go to, and the bride was in tears all weekend.

EluneBePraised · 27/08/2022 10:12

Where are you OP we need an update!

KyaClark · 27/08/2022 10:32

I've been a bridesmaid three times and organising the hen has been the worst bit each time.

In fact, at one of the hen dos, the behaviour of another bridesmaid was so awful that it ruined the friendship between her and the bride. The last time they saw each other was at the wedding where the bridesmaid left early with "have a nice life" as her parting shot to the bride.

I never want to do it again.

StaunchMomma · 27/08/2022 10:34

Hoping for one last update - even if it just says there won't be any more updates! 😂

sunglassesonthetable · 27/08/2022 10:35

In fact, at one of the hen dos, the behaviour of another bridesmaid was so awful that it ruined the friendship between her and the bride. The last time they saw each other was at the wedding where the bridesmaid left early with "have a nice life" as her parting shot to the bride.

Wow!

please tell

MillennialFalconer · 27/08/2022 10:51

What is it with these ridiculously competitive BMs? (and this chick isn't even a BM!). I had one of these - I was MOH and planning from afar (I live in the UK but am from North America, where my best friend / the Bride lives and the wedding was taking place). One BM was insistent that we do all of the stupid t-shirts, willy themed everything and was VERY put out that we weren't getting a stripper. Basically she wanted to do all of the things that the bride had told me in no uncertain terms that she Did Not Want. Bride's exact words to me were "If you get a stripper, there will be murder."

Bride simply wanted to go to a nice restaurant and for drinks in a few cocktail bars. Which is precisely what I planned. This BM acted like I ruining bride's life by not including a strip club on the itinerary. And she blew a gasket when two of our best (male) friends turned up (they had specifically been invited by Bride).

I think this BM was mainly put out that she wasn't MOH. She was very annoyed that I lived abroad and kept making passive aggressive comments about how I hadn't been around much and how she knew bride much better than I did now because "[I] don't even live in the same country" (this BM was a work friend whereas bride and I have been friends since about the age of 10).

This same BM wound up taking the groom aside to tell him that she'd had a massive crush on him at university "but it's OK [she's] over it now". Groom had no idea - they'd gone to the same uni but didn't know each other at the time, apparently she crushed on him from afar. BM chose to reveal this to him AT THE WEDDING RECEPTION.

Needless to say, Bride and this BM are no longer friends.

Peashoots · 27/08/2022 10:58

StaunchMomma · 27/08/2022 10:34

Hoping for one last update - even if it just says there won't be any more updates! 😂

Wonder if the op has spoken to bride who was actually totally on board with the dick costumes and Willy straws, hence the lack of update? 😁

BatshitBanshee · 27/08/2022 11:18

Oh God OP, the longer this goes on the more I hope you are OK and that cowhen hasn't blown up on you. Hope it went ok with the bride!

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 27/08/2022 11:30

Jesus millennialfalconer that BM was insane. Wonder if she thought he might ditch his new wife for her, psychotic cow.

Maybe op the bride does want that silly crap but if she doesn't and says that, then I'd show the other hens a screenshot of her saying so and tell cowhen to shut up. If the bride does want that tacky crap, then you'll have to go along with it sadly.

Maireas · 27/08/2022 11:39

KyaClark · 27/08/2022 10:32

I've been a bridesmaid three times and organising the hen has been the worst bit each time.

In fact, at one of the hen dos, the behaviour of another bridesmaid was so awful that it ruined the friendship between her and the bride. The last time they saw each other was at the wedding where the bridesmaid left early with "have a nice life" as her parting shot to the bride.

I never want to do it again.

Oh dear lord. Brutal.

KyaClark · 27/08/2022 11:51

@sunglassesonthetable

It's a long story but Horrible Bridesmaid was just difficult from the get-go, I think because she wasn't calling the shots in the planning.

She rejected any suggestion of activities (that the bride had requested) citing money issues, but then would suggest more expensive activities. When I pointed this out (I was sick of her shit), she told the bride she was going to say no to anything I suggested to piss me off - the fact the bride wanted to do these things, not me, was lost on her.

Her and her cronies came to one day of the hen do (the rest of us did 4). They arrived early afternoon, hung out for a few hours, then disappeared without a word that evening and didn't come back. The next morning they refused to come for brunch and went home.

The photos they added to Facebook later were just of them exploring the city. No mention of it being a hen do. No photos of the bride to be.

It's quite funny now but at the time, the bride was so hurt. It was one of her best friends.

whynotwhatknot · 27/08/2022 11:55

she sounds nuts who take over like that and a classy place wont let you in dressed like that anyway

Somethingsnappy · 27/08/2022 12:08

I think you're probably right to find out how the bride feels at this point. At least that way, it'll clear things up one way or another. I would hate the things cowhen has suggested, and while I understand some might like it, if you know your friend very, very well, and think she won't want it, best to get it sorted now.

Unfortunately weddings are notorious for creating drama and arguments!

Largethighsbadeyes · 27/08/2022 12:21

Why is there no update from the OP 😢 I am definitely overinvested but I need to know what the bride said

Chikapu · 27/08/2022 12:26

I bet the bride is so enamoured by the penis costume she wants to wear it at the wedding too, OP is fuming, shaking and sobbing by this turn of events.

mummabubs · 27/08/2022 12:43

WishDragon · 27/08/2022 09:59

Oh no update!

Friend of mine went to a hen do a while back where the bridesmaid went batshit, shot down any suggestions from the other hens, booked a weekend away with activities she wanted to do, in a city the bride didn’t want to go to, and the bride was in tears all weekend.

We had similar (minus the tears!) When my younger sister got married eight years ago me and our other sister were her two bridesmaids. One of her old school friends who was invited took it upon herself to arrange the hen do for my sister. We felt this was a bit presumptuous as she wasn't in the wedding party but checked with our sister and she didn't mind who did it. So school friend arranged the hen do, with no consultation with anyone else. In the city the school friend had recently moved to. Which was 300 miles away from everyone else. So all twenty attendees had to either pay for a domestic flight or travel 10 hours by coach (I did the latter as couldn't afford the £200 flight on top of the ridiculous £150-for-one-night hotel fee that the school friend had already booked). All activities clearly not centered with my sister in mind and the ultimate cheek was getting me and my other sister to pay her for "the three sisters" to go and get our makeup professionally done before the evening meal/night out. Not our thing, but we agreed. Time comes at the end of the cocktail-making class and school friend jubilantly announces that she and the bride were off to get their makeup done. And off they went. We didn't make a scene as we didn't want to upset my sister but we were absolutely fuming. Shortly after the wedding she and my sister fell out and she hasn't spoken to her since!