Really don't want to go on this hen do

[AngelicaSchuyler1]

Hen do woes...

My best friend is getting married in November.

She has booked a hen weekend for Oct in a city 2 hours from where we live, we are staying in a big house and there's a spa and swimming pool, hot tub, nice restaurant on site etc.

We've all had to pay £189 each to stay in this house for two nights, plus costs of driving there etc.

My friend was originally in the group on FB messenger but has since left so we can organise surprises etc for her. One of the other hens has decided to take charge and Im actually dreading going because she's turning it into a total tacky chav fest.

She has already bought us penis whistles, feather boas, t -shirts with "funny" names on them (e.g. Juicy Jenny, Hannah the Whore, Slaggy Sam) and is insisting we wear them when we eat at the restaurant on the first night. This is a NICE restaurant and not cheap. She has also bought a penis costume and is insisting the bride can wear it to the restaurant and it will be "such a laugh". She bought all of this tat without asking us first and now wants us all to send her the money for it.

A couple of us have piped up and said we want to wear nice outfits to the restaurant but this hen is insisting that we do all of the above to make the bride laugh, and that we can wear the t-shirts over our outfits. And she's not going to be returning any of the items and we need to each pay a share for what she's bought.

Added to that, this hen is also insisting we all chip in for a male stripper, which will cost £40 each and his performance will be maximum 20 minutes! I have flat out refused to pay for this and the group chat got a bit tense as the hen was insisting we do it.

I know my best friend and yeah she might find the above funny when we're all in the house together but I also think she will be embarrassed arriving to the restaurant dressed as a cock and got the impression from her she wanted a more classy weekend enjoying the facilities on site and having a nice meal together.

I've never met this other hen before but I already dislike her and she is really putting me off going to the hen weekend. She is really bossy and all of her ideas are tacky and hideous.

Do I tell my best friend what the other hen is planning and potentially ruin the surprise for her but give her fair warning? Or do I keep my mouth shut and just try to enjoy the weekend as best I can?

In my view, the difference between the museum and what is being suggested here is consent. With the museum, unless I am tricked into going, I am consenting to viewing sex themed displays. If I am in a nice restaurant with family members, possibly including children, I am not consenting to anything of the sort.

It’s the difference between someone who likes public sex going to a swingers party where everyone knows what they are getting into (not for me but you do you) and the same person having sex in a public park where passers by have decidedly not consented to be involved (decidedly not OK).

No update 😢

It's a funny thing for people to fall out over - it's just a bit of a laugh with friends, surely? It all seems to have escalated very quickly and for no reason. I swear weddings make some people go bonkers.

What did the bride say?

The hens aren’t generally all friends. They’re just a bunch of people the bride knows well that don’t really know each other.

Yeh, but you'd think they'd get on for the sake of the occasion?

To be honest if my bridesmaids couldn't settle this between them amicably then I'd cancel the whole thing. I wouldn't want the hostility of silly arguments over who knows me best on my hen night.

I agree. It surely sets a negative tone.

Sounds bloody horrendous. You are definitely not being unreasonable

i really hope we get an update! I’m so invested in this!

I'm also desperately hoping for an update, but equally have been thinking about the bride a lot and how hencow has turned this into such a horrible situation for her. I hope the bride at least gets to see her 'friend's' true colours through all this.

ahem
www.vam.ac.uk/collections/gender-sexuality
www.vam.ac.uk/exhibitions/censored-stage-screen-society-at-50
www.vam.ac.uk/event/XJKqn23a/objects-of-censorship
www.vam.ac.uk/exhibitions/undressed-a-brief-history-of-underwear

Just the first few results...there's a LOT of sex stuff in most major museums

I feel bad to be half hoping OP hasn't come back back because bride has responded to her 'Um....yeah I want to be the penis, actually.'

The PP accusing the op of being “superior”. Sorry but she is superior to cowhen and her t shirts and tat and bossy boots ways.

Maybe the op is acting like she knows what the bride wants because she's actually spoken to her and does know

You can, and you can also have fun with the L-Plates and Willy straws. Imagine!

I actually feel bad for people so stilted and narrow minded that a straw would ruin a weekend with friends

What an odd thing to say. What makes you think it’s about a straw?

How old are you, the bride and cow hen?

Oh.

I was hoping to wake up and read the brides response.

@AngelicaSchuyler1

Don't leave us hanging

Blimey, invested much?!

Yes I am completely invested in this thread 😂

I have to say it really does annoy me (I wish it didn't) that people cannot be arsed to click 'See All' on any of the OP's updates so that they can see if the story has moved on. It is hardly rocket science.

Agree with this.

I got vibes that my hen doo planning was causing issues between my friends. Nothing on par with this but I could sense a few of them were getting pissed off with each other and I honestly felt like scrapping the whole thing. It's meant to be a bit of fun. Imagine the atmosphere if cowhen still goes after all this!

Not saying that one person should ruin it but in a way she already has. I would be livid if I were the bride.

No update?
Oh FFS 😔

The thing is, every hen party I've ever been invited to has drama. I absolutely can't stand them. It seems that some people are incapable of realising that others want to do things differently and can't politely work something out as a compromise.
She sounds a nightmare but does seem to have the backing of the majority. I really feel for you but I've learned from past experience that being the whistle-blower (esp if its a penis one) is fraught.

Hideously tacky & my idea of absolute hell. Cowhen is a nasty bully who should be removed- not you! It’s outrageous that she went off & bought such a load of ghastly tat without asking & is now demanding that people reimburse her!!