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Original poster

Really don't want to go on this hen do

734 replies

AngelicaSchuyler1 · 26/08/2022 11:37

Hen do woes...

My best friend is getting married in November.

She has booked a hen weekend for Oct in a city 2 hours from where we live, we are staying in a big house and there's a spa and swimming pool, hot tub, nice restaurant on site etc.

We've all had to pay £189 each to stay in this house for two nights, plus costs of driving there etc.

My friend was originally in the group on FB messenger but has since left so we can organise surprises etc for her. One of the other hens has decided to take charge and Im actually dreading going because she's turning it into a total tacky chav fest.

She has already bought us penis whistles, feather boas, t -shirts with "funny" names on them (e.g. Juicy Jenny, Hannah the Whore, Slaggy Sam) and is insisting we wear them when we eat at the restaurant on the first night. This is a NICE restaurant and not cheap. She has also bought a penis costume and is insisting the bride can wear it to the restaurant and it will be "such a laugh". She bought all of this tat without asking us first and now wants us all to send her the money for it.

A couple of us have piped up and said we want to wear nice outfits to the restaurant but this hen is insisting that we do all of the above to make the bride laugh, and that we can wear the t-shirts over our outfits. And she's not going to be returning any of the items and we need to each pay a share for what she's bought.

Added to that, this hen is also insisting we all chip in for a male stripper, which will cost £40 each and his performance will be maximum 20 minutes! I have flat out refused to pay for this and the group chat got a bit tense as the hen was insisting we do it.

I know my best friend and yeah she might find the above funny when we're all in the house together but I also think she will be embarrassed arriving to the restaurant dressed as a cock and got the impression from her she wanted a more classy weekend enjoying the facilities on site and having a nice meal together.

I've never met this other hen before but I already dislike her and she is really putting me off going to the hen weekend. She is really bossy and all of her ideas are tacky and hideous.

Do I tell my best friend what the other hen is planning and potentially ruin the surprise for her but give her fair warning? Or do I keep my mouth shut and just try to enjoy the weekend as best I can?

OP posts:
uncomfortablydumb53 · 26/08/2022 17:28

Ugh it sounds really tacky( and I'm no prude)
It sounds like your friend has a classier idea in mind.. nice restaurant meal and hot tub etc, which for £189 is a good price I'd be happy to pay
It doesn't sound like the organiser knows the bride well at all as she only stated what she was doing when the bride left the group, plus she's only a guest
As her best friend I would certainly tell her what the ideas are and you are expected to pay up despite having no input
I bet you're not the only one who thinks the plans are not appropriate for your best friend

SpongeBob2022 · 26/08/2022 17:28

Sorry can't edit spelling!

uncomfortablydumb53 · 26/08/2022 17:31

Oh dear I've just seen her reply to your message
Get the other guests on board and step up the messages between you

GyozaGuiting · 26/08/2022 17:33

That woman sounds crazy- albeit she probably has some weird notion she’s helping. Why would a non bridesmaid try and force their hen ideas on everyone else?

CactusBlossom · 26/08/2022 17:37

AngelicaSchuyler1 · 26/08/2022 11:54

Just to clarify, the other hen isn't a bridesmaid or involved in the wedding party at all. She will be a guest at the wedding but is invited to the hen do.
The bride isn't having a MOH as her sister passed away a few years ago and she always wanted her sister to have that role. She is only having two bridesmaids, myself and one of her other friends. The other friend is very laidback and is just going along with all of the plans made by the other hen.

I will admit I'm not a very confident person and really hate coming to blows with anyone, this other hen is like a bulldozer as well and I just cba with her. But sounds like I need to woman up and tell her to sod off.

The thing is, as soon as the bride left the group chat, the other hen started bombarding the group with things she had bought and what she was planning. Following it all up with "ladies lets remember this weekend isnt about us but about the bride. We need to give her the best", making it very awkward in the chat for anyone trying to oppose her.

I suggest messaging the other bridesmaid. Different people enjoy different things, but to me what is planned sounds absolutely awful. If this hen doesn't have a formal role (she is not a bridesmaid) there is a reason for this, and she should back down. No way should she be asking for money from other people without some sort of discussion first. She bought these things, she might find herself stuck with them. You don't book a classy location to have crude costumes and T-shirts. It's not clear how well she knows the bride, but as she isn't a bridesmaid I'm guessing she doesn't know her as well as you do.

sunglassesonthetable · 26/08/2022 17:39

God help you if the bride turns out to want to dress as a giant penis.

😂😂👌

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/08/2022 17:40

@CactusBlossom

Agree with this. There’s no way she should be railroading others into what she wants like this. Massively inappropriate even if she was a bridesmaid, let alone if not.

But I still think your priority must be to try to sort it without the bride having to get involved.

WetWashing22 · 26/08/2022 17:45

God I need to pour myself a large glass of wine before 7pm and settle in! Good luck OP, Cowhen sounds like a fucking lunatic!0

CactusBlossom · 26/08/2022 17:48

WetWashing22 · 26/08/2022 17:45

God I need to pour myself a large glass of wine before 7pm and settle in! Good luck OP, Cowhen sounds like a fucking lunatic!0

@WetWashing22
"Cowhen" - that's great! 😂

chillipenguin · 26/08/2022 17:50

Maybe there need to be two hen parties? Trashy do and classy do.

chillipenguin · 26/08/2022 17:51

chillipenguin · 26/08/2022 17:50

Maybe there need to be two hen parties? Trashy do and classy do.

Trashy do would just be cowhen dressed as a penis in a fancy restaurant with a stripper

Bobbins36 · 26/08/2022 17:53

And where exactly is the other BM in all of this - she needs to chime in!

sunglassesonthetable · 26/08/2022 17:58

Yes!!! Where is the other BM? Hope she wasn't one of the ones who've already paid.

catgirl1976 · 26/08/2022 18:03

Not read the full thread so I’m sure people have said this already but tell her you’ve spoken to the venue - both the accommodation and restaurants- and this won’t be allowed and you will be asked to leave

then tell the bride what’s going on

Brideandpredjudice · 26/08/2022 18:10

catgirl1976 · 26/08/2022 18:03

Not read the full thread so I’m sure people have said this already but tell her you’ve spoken to the venue - both the accommodation and restaurants- and this won’t be allowed and you will be asked to leave

then tell the bride what’s going on

I'm quite certain this would be true anyway. Why would they allow people paying for an expensive meal to have to look at/listen to that type of disgusting, vulgar behaviour.

catgirl1976 · 26/08/2022 18:12

@Brideandpredjudice exactly. I can’t see a “nice” venue letting people in dressed as pensises and with crude slogans. The poor OP and the poor bridge. Cow hen is clearly on glue

Onlyaprawninwhitby · 26/08/2022 18:27

Waiting with glass in hand for 7pm.

Ohahjustalittlebit · 26/08/2022 18:29

Tempte to procure a penis straw for my drink for this occasion.

Glittertwins · 26/08/2022 18:30

WetWashing22 · 26/08/2022 17:45

God I need to pour myself a large glass of wine before 7pm and settle in! Good luck OP, Cowhen sounds like a fucking lunatic!0

I have large wine, I hope cowhen is put in her box!

AnnaFri · 26/08/2022 18:31

Taking bets on the brides view

I'm thinking 1/3 she loves to dress as a penis and her older friend knows her better

That would be juicy

JoanCandy · 26/08/2022 18:32

'No' is a complete sentence.

Maireas · 26/08/2022 18:34

AnnaFri · 26/08/2022 18:31

Taking bets on the brides view

I'm thinking 1/3 she loves to dress as a penis and her older friend knows her better

That would be juicy

I'm thinking the OP is having a dream and it's still 2007.

Cluckycluck · 26/08/2022 18:38

Well this is my Friday night entertainment sorted!

AnnaFri · 26/08/2022 18:40

@Maireas we can put long sleep in at 7/560 odds

HollaHolla · 26/08/2022 18:56

I would also say that, the one time I was a bridesmaid, I coughed up the cash for the 'bride' tshirt and veil, and the games for the party. We stayed in an apartment for a couple of nights, and did some activities, which people paid for, if they wanted to do them. I made a curry for the first night (no cash required), and we did some games, etc. I wouldn't be demanding money for shitty decorations.