Really don't want to go on this hen do

[AngelicaSchuyler1]

Hen do woes...

My best friend is getting married in November.

She has booked a hen weekend for Oct in a city 2 hours from where we live, we are staying in a big house and there's a spa and swimming pool, hot tub, nice restaurant on site etc.

We've all had to pay £189 each to stay in this house for two nights, plus costs of driving there etc.

My friend was originally in the group on FB messenger but has since left so we can organise surprises etc for her. One of the other hens has decided to take charge and Im actually dreading going because she's turning it into a total tacky chav fest.

She has already bought us penis whistles, feather boas, t -shirts with "funny" names on them (e.g. Juicy Jenny, Hannah the Whore, Slaggy Sam) and is insisting we wear them when we eat at the restaurant on the first night. This is a NICE restaurant and not cheap. She has also bought a penis costume and is insisting the bride can wear it to the restaurant and it will be "such a laugh". She bought all of this tat without asking us first and now wants us all to send her the money for it.

A couple of us have piped up and said we want to wear nice outfits to the restaurant but this hen is insisting that we do all of the above to make the bride laugh, and that we can wear the t-shirts over our outfits. And she's not going to be returning any of the items and we need to each pay a share for what she's bought.

Added to that, this hen is also insisting we all chip in for a male stripper, which will cost £40 each and his performance will be maximum 20 minutes! I have flat out refused to pay for this and the group chat got a bit tense as the hen was insisting we do it.

I know my best friend and yeah she might find the above funny when we're all in the house together but I also think she will be embarrassed arriving to the restaurant dressed as a cock and got the impression from her she wanted a more classy weekend enjoying the facilities on site and having a nice meal together.

I've never met this other hen before but I already dislike her and she is really putting me off going to the hen weekend. She is really bossy and all of her ideas are tacky and hideous.

Do I tell my best friend what the other hen is planning and potentially ruin the surprise for her but give her fair warning? Or do I keep my mouth shut and just try to enjoy the weekend as best I can?

Can you not just speak to Bride and explain that some of CowHen ideas are very much “hen night fun” and not “spa hotel nice restaurant” and you’re worried the group won’t get on well over the weekend due to you and CowHen having disagreed strongly over her plans.

Don’t tell her the exact plans as then you’d give away the surprises: I’m sure she’ll know what “typical lairy hen night” stuff involves!

Tell Bride that you’re going to step away from this hen do and let CowHen crack on, but will book xxx hotel and yyy restaurant for you both, when is she free?

If Bride can’t stand the thought of the hen weekend then she can step in to say she’d love to do crazy hen things IN PRIVATE, but the rest of the time do grown-up stuff instead.

Or she can let it be known to the others that there’s no fucking way she’s wearing anything involving genitalia, sex, nudity, or strippers under any circumstances, and she’s “so glad that she knows they’d not arrange anything tacky”.

That way you’re not causing issues for your friend but not having to spend time with CowHen either.

Well that’s certainly ruffled feathers op!!
cow hen really is bullish, setting up a separate chat without you - wow - she doesn’t lack confidence! Hilarious that it has turned into two camps though plastic penises V plush pamper . Poor bride! The knives are out! Do the other hens have a favoured camp?!

You have actually been brave putting your foot down. Cow hens version would be my idea of HELL on earth…..dressed as a penis in the posh restaurant dear god, I would pay good money to Organise that for my seriously horrible SIL! This is not something anyone puts their actual friends through!

Eh, wrong thread?? But I had this for HG. No birth defects, no side effects other than I stopped vomiting and no more pissing myself and vomiting at the same time. Trust your Doc not the internet. All the best.

How many hens are in Cowhen's new group? Are they all on board with her plans or merely non-confrontational in the face of her "enthusiasm"?

@AngelicaSchuyler1

Has the other bridesmaid said or done anything in the new group? If not, she needs to do something, even if it's just

'Angelica is still coming on the hen and hold fire on any payments whilst we check with the bride on what she actually wants to do'

Have you updated the hens in the 'original group'?

Surely everyone knows that organising the hen is the responsibility of the bridesmaids!? I wonder if cowhen was expecting to be asked to be a bridesmaid and this is her way of trying to get in there. I also think other bridesmaid should be shutting this other group down and sticking up for you.

I've text Bride with screenshots of everything that's happened

That really wasn't necessary. You risk escalating this

😂😂😂

Of course it was necessary, otherwise Cowhen would just feed the bride a pack of lies. ................She's already excluded the bridesmaid, set up another WA group and told the other hen OP is no longer attending the hen party.

Cowhen is completely cray cray

Do this!!

I'd just cancel the whole thing sounds horrendous

Sounds awful tell her NO !

@Emsinmonaco2022 I think you've posted on the wrong thread, I'll report so MNHQ can move somewhere more appropriate for help.

OMG this sounds horrendous. I would just probably come down with D&V the day of the hen party and accept the loss of the £189.

God help you if the bride turns out to want to dress as a giant penis.

I didnt get a hen do due to covid HOWEVER I would rather have no hen do than to walk around dressed up as a penis with people in cringy offensive tshirts.

And Im far from a prude either, we where planning to go Amsterdam to tour the sex museums in the red light district etc... before lockdown cancelled everything but there a line between risque fun and straight up classless and tacky and when penis costumes and the words 'Slaggy Sam' come out its crossed over that line.

What other choice did she have? She is being bullied out of the hen do and she is the bridesmaid.
If I found out one of my friends was treating my bridesmaids (or anyone of my friends) like this then I would be furious and tell them to do one.

Hen do's are the worst 🙄

This sounds like such a mare. Poor you and poor bride. I hope bride can resolve this and it's amicable. I don't really know what you should / could have done differently. Cowhen sounds like a right mare.

Why is touring sex museums better than what these women are doing?
Same thing, isn't it? Pushing social boundaries about acceptable displays of sexual behaviour.

Some people on this thread have clearly never been rejected from every restaurant, bar and pub they've wanted to go into on a hen do, and it shows.

Good luck OP

God help you if the bride turns out to want to dress as a giant penis.

This! 🤣🤣🤣

This is going a bit tits up - time for oil on troubled waters before it ruins your friend's hen do.
I wouldn't remove Cowhen - just on original chat go
Hi everyone, of course I am still coming on hen do, I'm a BM. Cowhen and I have had different ideas about how the weekend should go but we both agree it's about what the bride wants above everything else so am doing a bit of research. Cowhen don't spend any more money and don't exclude anyone, we will sort this and have a fantastic time!

If I was the bride I'd want to know!